Man Utd 1-0 Arsenal- but loss isn't terminal for Gunners

Watching football really isn't good for my heart.
 
But enough about me, and onto the game. Hyped up by the Sky media machine, this was the BIGGEST GAME OF THE SEASON as the table toppers travelled to Old Trafford to visit the Champions. There was much emphasis put on the fact that if Arsenal won, they would be 11 points above United. And, sure, that's a big total. But from the way the 'experts' were talking, that would be the reds's title challenge dead in the water. Has everyone forgotten 2008 here?
 
But without doubt, this was still a massive match. For all of Arsenal's brilliant displays this season, you could argue that only their incredible defensive display at Dortmund showed them winning a game they weren't favourites for. But if they beat United in Manchester for the first time since 2006, it would send a real message to the rest of the country that they really, really mean business. Of course, they were still title challengers before this match (what more could they do, Alan Shearer?) but winning would confirm them as truly back. And also put a knife into the team of Robin Van Persie, which would be nice.


"Why do I even still wear this coat?"

But it didn't happen. And although the 'jokes' came about on twitter almost instantly (Phil Jones has left the ground with £42 million in his pocket, Ozil has been returned to Arsenal...#YOLO #BANTZ #SWAG) this was a game Arsenal can take a lot from, especially when you take into account all of their absentees.
 
A virus running through the camp robbed them of two of their best players, the resilient and commanding centre back Mertesacker, and the beautifully balanced and inventive playmaker Rosicky. Rosicky must be the most unlucky footballer of recent times considering all of his injury problems. (Diaby doesn't count. That C**t is just too much. He was born with a fu*king calf strain for god's sake.) He just offers so much to the side, and the Gunners missed almost every aspect of his play, the neat one twos, the constant pressing and urgency, and the drive from midfield, what with Ramsey largely off the pace.
 
But if you look at the two line ups, as a United fan I was shi**ing myself worried before kick off. The middle of the park boasted such quality from an Arsenal point of view, a five man axis versus two men, one of whom, Phil Jones, was out of position. But from the word go there was a distinct lack of intensity in the Arsenal ranks. There was no real attempt to press United, it reminded me of the game against Sociedad in midweek, where the hosts gave David Moyes's men way too much space, through a combination of fear and respect of the Champions.
 
The home side certainly had the better of the opening exchanges with Wayne Rooney in particular up for it; constantly looking forward whilst in possession, and when without, the England star chased down anyone near him like a dog after a stick. (Insert hilarious joke here comparing the animal's intellect favourably to Wayne's). But seriously, that determination ran through the United side. The sense of the whole squad (no, not you Ashley Young. Diving pri*k) angrily wanting to prove everyone wrong and beat Arsenal was palpable. They shut down the much vaunted trio of Cazorla, Ozil and Ramsey, and Arsenal's only effort on goal in the first half was a tame Grioud header from a fair way out. That is not to say that Man Utd tested Szczesny at the other end, as really I can't recall many problems for him either in the first period, apart from when challenging for the ball Phil Jones, who is made of granite, accidently poleaxed him.



"Take that Piers!!!"

 
Before that though, Van Persie scored a technically perfect header from Rooney's teasing delivery. (Honestly, that corner was gagging to be put away. You could see it arcing towards the most lethal finisher on the pitch and you fu*king knew the outcome. OOH ROBIN VAN PERSIE) Depending on who you were supporting, this was either an immense moment which showed who he really loved and demonstrated his class, or the traitor supreme showing a complete lack of dignity with his celebration. For the record, all the crap that Arsenal fans give him, including the 'she said no' song, should really blow any call for him to celebrate respectfully out of the window. Why expect class when Arsenal fans clearly don't give him that? Personally, I loved it when he celebrated passionately. But the inevitable goal from RVP didn't stir Arsenal into a fightback, which was surprising. Instead, after the goal, United took control, with Jones and Rooney both breaking through on two separate occasions, with Arsenal having to resort to sitting deeper until the break.
 
The Vidic substitution, after De Gea clattered him, forced Jones, the player of the half, back into the back four and Arsenal dominated the opening spells of the second half. But it was very much false domination, the possession in that 45-60 period was probably 65% Arsenal, but they didn't create anything of note. Where was Ozil or man of the moment Ramsey? The best opportunity before the clock struck an hour fell to Wayne Rooney, as after a superb break by Valencia, he deftly flicked the ball above Sagna's challenge with his right peg, before hammering a shot agonizingly wide with his left.
 
Wilshere came on for the tired Flamini and immediately the pace of Arsenal's passing went up, as United retreated nearer and nearer De Gea's goal. Crosses were frequent but Jones and the excellent Evans dealt with them all. But the thing was, England's saviour  Wilshere's introduction coincided with an Arsenal effort that pegged back Man Utd. There were no break or any United presence in the opposition half as Valencia and Kagawa, for the first time in the game, were denied space and time to turn and run at their markers. Effectively, in United's backyard they were forcing them to play defensive. This observer certainly did not like to see that.
 
The problem was, they were not creating any clear cut opportunities- Wilshere, Ramsey, and Giroud all had half chances but what Arsenal needed at this point was a fresh threat and a different style of attacking. What they essentially required was Walcott or Oxlade-Chamberlain to climb off the treatment table and run at United. It must have pretty despairing for Wenger knowing his side needed fresh impetus while they were on top, and knowing as well his best option for that was THE GREATEST STRIKER THAT EVER LIVED Bendtner. Still it was hugely encouraging for the Gunners that they kept United at bay for almost the whole second half.
 
That is not to say that United didn't have their heroes, Valencia completely stopped Cazorla on the left, meaning him coming off for Bendtner wasn't quite as crazy as it seemed. This was crucial, as Arsenal kept a lot of the ball and occasionally you just wanted someone to have a go, and their main threat from range is Cazorla. Phil Jones was utterly immense, Carrick and Cleverley did a great job on Ramsey and in keeping the ball at the death, and Rooney never stopped running and was intelligent with his ball use.
 
There were chances for both teams in the closing stages as Smalling somehow missed a glorious headed chance from a delicious Van Persie free kick and Bacary Sagna whipped in two of the best crosses I've seen for a while but they evaded everyone both times.
 
Oh wait, I just realised I originally wanted to write a quick intro and then player ratings, but I've written like a whole match report. That's passion for you. Or being alone on a Sunday night. Again. Your call. Fu*k my life.
 
Player ratings
 
Manchester United
 
David de Gea I bloody love you Dave. I mean your beard is sh*t but you can't have everything. He wasn't called upon much but did put Vidic in hospital, so is a beast. I think. Clean sheet. 7/10 
Chris Smalling Very nervous on his selction at right back, and I didn't really feel he played that well. The height advantage was key at set pieces but didn't look comfortable in possession. 6/10
Jonny Evans Another commanding performance from United's most consistent defender. Irrepressible in the air and unbeatable in the tackle, and many other big words. 8/10
Nemanja Vidic (Cleverley 46) Giroud didn't beat him once, in the air or on the floor. Always a safe presence  at the back, and United were noticeably shaky after his departure. 8/10 
Patrice Evra Every time I think he's at the knackers yard, he digs out a performance like this. Whether it was Ozil or Ramsey on the right didn't matter to Evra, who sums up the spirit, experience and know how to win big matches like this time and again. Impeccable with the ball at his feet and superb at wasting time late on. (Completely different from the cheating that you persist with Ashley Young, before you ask. What a penis that bloke is. Such talent but spends most of the time on the floor.) Is he just not motivated for matches against Stoke and the like? I don't know, but more like this Patrice please. 8/10
Michael Carrick The 'Geordie Xavi' didn't have his best game, but it sums him up right now when he can be pretty poor and still dictate our tempo for a sizeable portion of the match. Made some key interceptions in the second half, and got to grips with Ozil well. Facial hair was terrible. 7/10
Phil Jones Remember when Fergie said that Phil Jones will be the greatest to ever play for United? It's matches like this where you think the greatest manager on the planet was right again. In the first half he denied space for Ozil, made interceptions, drove with the ball, and passed so well I thought it was Carrick (because Carrick is basically Pele in my eyes). In the second half, pushed into the heart of defence, it was header after header, clearance after clearance, and some calm, soothing, sexual switching of play. Fu*k, it was Franco Baresi and Roy Keane rolled into one unstoppable force. Got booked for challenging for the ball because he broke Szczesny. Some of his blocks were so last ditch and unbelievable I almost forgot I'm failing Uni. Almost. 9/10
Antonio Valencia Inspirational in the first half, driving forward with the ball while completely marking Cazorla out of the game and simultaneously stopped Gibbs from getting forward. 7/10
Shinji Kagawa (Giggs 78) A superb dribbler who didn't really play well. Cut inside to try and inflict damage but was a bit ineffective and drifted out of proceedings. 5/10
Wayne Rooney England's best footballer reminded everyone how good he is. He didn't have a lot of the ball but he got an assist and worked his bollocks off. (Hmm. Should I censor bollo**s? Naa, Google will be fine with it. Hopefully.) Denied a goal but overall, brilliant again. 8/10
Robin Van Persie (Fellaini 85) Scored a superb header but actually was largely subdued by Koscielny. In the second half often was used as a target man to ease the pressure on defence and held it up well. He will make all the headlines tomorrow though, no doubt, despite a pretty average game for him. But what a goalscorer. What a player. What a man. If he told me tomorrow to quit my job and drive to his house to feed his kids grapes and yogurt, I fu*king would. (I have no job, and I don't drive) ORVP 7/10
Subs- Tom Cleverley Struggled to get into the game and his arrival took Phil Jones away from the engine room, allowing Arteta to take control. Recovered and was decent defensively. 6/10
Ryan Giggs His introduction ahead of Nani and God's gift to the world  Januzaj was met with disapproval, but he calmed things down at a time when it was most frantic. 7/10
Marouane Fellaini He won a few headers, and therefore denied Arsenal the ball, so did his job. But for £27 million you want a bit more. At least be ahead of Cleverley, no? 6/10
 
David Moyes I'm getting used to it now, but it didn't help to see Sir Alex in the crowd today. But actually got his team spot on and his subs correct. I was screaming out for Nani or Januzaj to start or even come on but Valencia's selection was fully justified and all the subs played a part. Well done, now tell us is Zaha screwing your daughter or not because if not play him a bit yeah? 8/10
 
Arsenal
 
Wojciech Szczesny Couldn't be blamed for the goal, otherwise wasn't really tested, so i'll use this space to say I think he's been utterly immense this season and has answered all his critics. I do wish he'd change his name to like John Smith or something though. 7/10
Bacary Sagna Was Arsenal's main threat in terms of clear cut chances created and did a great job on Kagawa. Solid defensively and always quality on the ball. 8/10 
Laurent Koscielny Arsenal's brilliant defender didn't do anything wrong all game, a real achievement given he was not partnered by Mertesacker. Relished landing a couple of big tackles on Van Persie and advanced into midfield well. 7/10 
Thomas Vermaelen The Belgian defender who actually can't defend is still the club captain, laughable when you consider this was his first start since April. And how good have they been in his absence? Still, he was relatively solid in this match, and kept United quiet. 7/10
Kieran Gibbs Couldn't stop Valencia going past him and couldn't go past Valencia. Panicked in possession too a couple of times. 5/10 
Mikel Arteta (Gnabry 83) The midfielder controlled the game in the first 15 minutes of the second half with accurate passing and superb awareness. A real shame that for once his more attacking colleagues didn't show, as Arteta was superb throughout. 7/10
Mathieu Flamini (Wilshere 61) Arsenal's unsung hero this season was clearly unfit and it was shown, tired passes and futile attempts to track Rooney. Positionally top drawer though. 6/10
Aaron Ramsey Where was the Ramsey against Liverpool, or Dortmund? The Welsh midfielder was totally off the pace and a real disappointment. He gave the ball away a lot and wasted oppurtunites by trying to dribble rather than look for a team mate. He wandered from his position too much and was well marshalled by United. 4/10
Mesut Özil Couldn't get into the game, and seemed to not like the close attention Carrick and Jones gave him In the first half. Was neat enough and certainly not the worst Arsenal player but we have begun to expect so much more. My theory is he needs a rest, and this would be easy enough back in Madrid with Modric and Isco available. But until Arsenal's injury problems start solving themselves the German must solider on. Still created space well but was just not quite performing. Not his night. 5/10
Santi Cazorla (Bendtner 78) Valencia stopped him when he was on the left, Carrick stopped him in the middle and he was anonymous on the right. A real let down for Gunners fans as they needed one of his long range specials to do something and create a bit of belief amongst the team. When Arsenal were stuck in one of their 'passing across the final third' stages, they looked to Cazorla for a trademark burst of acceleration, or neat turn, or better still, a pop from 25 yards, but he was utterly, painfully sh*t. 4/10
Olivier Giroud "OOH but what if he gets injured" scream all the anti-Arsenal people. Giroud has been tremendous this season but the reality is he needs help up front in these types of games, oh how he would have wished Podolski to arrive to act as a foil. Alas, he had Bendtner. Still, worked hard, never gave up, and you got the feeling if he got a proper chance he would have taken it. 6/10.
Subs- Jack Wilshere Smoking Jack is a lovely player to watch when on form, as he glides past people and slides inch perfect passes through to the forwards and you're sat there thinking HOLY SH*T WHERE'S MY GUN THAT KID IS LIKE TECHNICALLY SOUND AND HE PLAYS ON THE HALF TURN GIVE HIM 100 ENGLAND CAPS NOW. But the constant injuries has led him taking a bit of a back seat this year. Wilshere's style is such that he needs to be on the ball constantly, he needs the team built around him, he needs players to make space for him. He is still young and will learn to be a real team player, but right now Arsenal look better without him- like in the other games in the past week, the wins over Dortmund and Liverpool. But him coming off the bench led to a spark in Arsenal as he demanded the ball off the defence and drove at Carrick at Cleverley in the way that Rosicky would have done. He created opportunities and energised a side lacking a bit of zest. But he got booked for a petulant push on Evra and perhaps should have had a shot rather than look for a pass late on. Crap I've written like a whole paragraph here. 7/10
Nicklas Bendtner How is he still employed by Arsenal? Gave the ball away every time he had it and didn't even attempt to get to Sagna's awesome cross in injury time. Remember when he scored a hat trick vs Porto in the Champions League and looked as if he was finally growing up? That was a loooong time ago and the most frustrating thing for Gooners is that he still has ability, but he's such a deluded c**t that he'll never make the most out of his talent. 1/10
Serge Gnabry Has done well for Arsenal in this campaign and did more in 10 minutes than Cazorla and Ramsey combined. Has a bright future indeed. 7/10
 
Arsene Wenger The best manager left in the Premier League deserves success for his financial prudence and unwavering commitment to youth, but I fear it will not be this season. Wenger's squad was exposed tonight by the lack of options to add life into the flailing Arsenal corpse (injecting life into a corpse? What an analogy. I surprise myself sometimes with my brilliance. Like Messi in a way) and he was not helped by the non performance of key men. Could he have done anything differently? Not really, but playing Flamini, who was unfit, ahead of Jack didn't pay off. 6/10
 
Overall- An excellent and crucial win for United that lifts them up to 5th and only five points away from the summit. But things are not over for Arsenal and Wenger and this win should only lower the expectations and therefore calm the players down, who looked a bit nervous at times tonight, it has to be said. But as Sky will no doubt say something like THE TITLE RACE IS BACK ON or ARSENAL'S CHALLENGE STOPS HERE so I'm bound to say that although the result is massive for United, for Arsenal, it doesn't change much. They need another striker, they need injured players back, they ARE challengers for the league title, and most importantly, it's about whether they're still top in March/April, than their position now.

Wow how the hell did I write all of that. I mean I started writing this at about half 12 and it's like quarter past 2 now why am I doing this I need to get a life. Naa, lives are overrated really, and I really love writing this sh*t because football is the best thing about a world full of poverty, anger, and corruption. Even better than Pasta. And I like Pasta. If you've made it this far, seriously, well done. I mean don't just pat yourself on the back, literally applaud yourself. The fact that you've read my incoherent ramblings for this long is remarkable.

Thanks for reading, Adam.
 



This GIF is amazing by the way. United through and through, this lad