2018 FA Cup Final - Manchester United 0-1 Chelsea

Manchester United 0-1 Chelsea (Hazard 22 pen)

 

United slipped meekly to defeat in the Cup Final, going out while barely landing a punch on an unspectacular Chelsea team on a spirit-sapping day at Wembley. It was grim, and a bit boring. So much attacking talent, so little threat and bite. A frustrating season ending in a quite fitting way. Too slow, too scared, and second best. Shit.

What’s there to say when we lose like that? It wasn’t a 4-0 romp, we had been defeated only by a penalty from Eden Hazard, and the possession and shots statistics were in our favour. But don’t let the numbers fool you into thinking United were at all impressive out there. It was robotic, stunted, and downright dull. They looked out of ideas too early and energetic too late, a sad end to the season given the optimism with which it had begun. 

United were the favourites going into the last domestic fixture of the season, having finished 3 places above Chelsea in the table. I was very nervous at the start, but then I always am in occasions such as these. Post-Ferugson, it’s no longer a given that United will always be making finals and consistently playing at Wembley, so there is no way I’m turning my nose up at any cup, especially when we’re in the final. Having been at Wembley myself last month to see us dispatch an in-form Spurs, I was quietly confident we could do the same to Chelsea.

The good news for United was that Martial and Lukaku hadn’t been ruled out as had been feared, and were available. The bad news was that neither started – although Martial probably would not have anyway, even if he was 100% fit. Fellaini missed out as well. It was a blow for United to be missing their main goalscorer, as much for his hold up play and bullying of centre-halves as anything else. With Chelsea, a physical game was expected, so to line up instead with Rashford was a bit of weakness.

Not that I thought so before kick-off. While Lukaku starting on the bench was not perfect, I was excited to see young Rash run at Chelsea’s backline. I remembered how he had led the line brilliantly against Chelsea in our 2-0 home win in April 2017, springing Conte’s offside trap regularly. On paper, a front three of Jesse Lingard, Rashford and Alexis Sanchez looked dynamic, pacey and fluid. So apart from Lukaku it was the same team that beat Spurs in the semi – which meant Eric Bailly, who most think is our best defender, was left on the bench. Smalling and Jones had credit in the bank, sure, but the treatment of Bailly by Mourinho in recent weeks has been utterly baffling.

Chelsea went defensive, going with only two forward thinking players really, with Fabregas used mainly to retain possession. Bakayoko has been one of the worst signings across Europe for the 17/18 season, but Antonio Conte placed faith in the Frenchman to make sure his team didn’t get outnumbered In the middle of the park, resisting the temptation to pick Pedro or Willian. Having scored in the semi over Southampton, January purchase Olivier Giroud was preferred over record signing Alvaro Morata.

Chelsea started the better, with Hazard finding space on the left flank on the counter after United had given the ball away carelessly, and shooting at goal with his left foot after running at Jones. De Gea made a smart stop, and United cleared, but that was pretty much that for the opening exchanges. It was a typical final start to be honest, with both sides wanting to ease themselves into the game, and very little in the way of shots on goal. The cagey start didn’t stop both sides gifting the other possession constantly with sloppy errant passes. For the Cup final, it was a game desperately low on quality. It needed a goal really.

It soon got one. Chelsea won the ball back in their half and Fabregas had time to set Hazard away with a long pass; his first touch was exemplary and suddenly Phil Jones was on the back foot. The England world cup defender just about kept pace with Hazard but was unable to get goalside, and decided to go for a last-ditch tackle. I couldn’t really blame him, but the execution was clumsy and it was penalty and a yellow card. From the spot there’s few who are calmer than Hazard and the Belgian duly rolled the ball into the net, sending De Gea the other way.

United initially reacted like I’d want. Herrera pushed up from his ersatz right-back position (to nullify Hazard, and make it easier for him to be man-marked, which had already proven flawed when Chelsea’s star man moved to the right to create the goal) and United created a chance for Pogba from 25 yards, who shot wide. It was the first effort from United to test Chelsea’s defence and keeper.

 


There was very little width for United. Chelsea were extraordinarily compact

Why were United so lacking in attacking vigour? Well, for starters Rashford was having a stinker. The ball was bouncing off him, he was picking the wrong passes, and he was getting outmuscled. Worst of all he wasn’t making the runs in behind that could’ve been so dangerous; instead he came deep, or ran the channels. This often led to the absurd situation where United had the ball in a crossing position but the only man in the box was Sanchez, a man never likely to win a battle in the air with 3 centre-backs. That’s if we had anyone in the box at all, sometimes they had no one to mark and United were simply trying pot-shots from long range.

It didn’t help that Lingard was having a poor start as well, as he wasn’t either wide or forward enough to impact the game like he should. With Sanchez drifting infield as well, width was like gold dust for United. Ashley Young was enterprising enough, happy to take defenders on, but is always hamstrung by his general lack of quality – a problem for Chelsea also, regarding Victor Moses. We were ponderous, too, recycling the ball 30 yards from goal, always taking too many touches, waiting for someone to try a mazy run or an ambitious through ball which seldom happened.

The first half ended just as United’s best moment had come, as someone did indeed perform a mazy run. Pogba motored with the ball through the centre and played a one-two with Sanchez before laying it off to Rashford, who only contrived to scuff his attempted shot straight at a Chelsea defender.

At half-time the overriding feeling was that this was an awful match. There had only been two real chances – the penalty, and the other aforementioned Hazard shot. As good as the Belgian and Fabregas had been, it wasn’t enough to escape the reality that it was an utterly dreadful game, the opposite of what you would want in the showpiece of English football. It had also gone against the theme of recent Cup finals, which have generally been entertaining; look no further than United’s incident-packed triumph over Crystal Palace in 2016 for proof.

Mourinho had obviously got into them at half-time as United started the second half with great intensity, determined to get back on terms. From minute 45-65, United had a great spell, pinning Chelsea back and looking like they were going to score eventually. Of course, Chelsea could afford to sit deep having gone in front so early, and it suited the personnel they had out there. Their attacks in the second half were exclusively counters, with long passes looking for the incisive movement of Hazard.

Valencia, who had been unbelievably ineffective in the first half despite having heaps of the ball, finally made a forward run inside Marcos Alonso picked out by Herrera, also making his first risky pass. We were in behind, but instead of Valencia going for goal or picking out Sanchez he pulled it back straight to Fabregas. Stupid prick. Sanchez instantly won it back with a tigerish sliding tackle and the ball broke for Rashford 20 yards out, who forced a save from Courtois with his powerful but a bit too central strike. The crowd were up for it now and Kante and Rudiger both made vital interceptions just as United were breaking through.

United won a lot of set-pieces in this period, with Chelsea under pressure and looking to break the rhythm of United with fouls. Unfortunately most of them were taken by Rashford, who booted it straight at the first man most of the time. It was mind-numbing to see him on those duties when he was having such a poor day at sending them in, not even considering that as a forward over 6 feet, you would probably want him in the box anyway. Mind you, he did pull out one top delivery from the right when his free-kick was converted by Sanchez on the follow up, although he was offside. Still, United were pushing, with Young starting to play very high up the pitch. Matic had a 30 yarder parried by the rock-solid Courtois.

But United gradually fizzled out, the zip fading from our passing, the lack of pace in our play telling. It was the Blues that had the next big chance with Kante skipping through the tackles to set up Alonso who was denied by De Gea, before Moses hit the ball at Young’s arm in the area. Really, it was too close for the ref to give another penalty.

Out of nowhere came an opportunity for Rashford after a training ground move, with Pogba finding Lingard in his favourite pocket. He let the ball run before slipping in his best mate one-on-one. It was by no means the easiest of chances with a massive keeper coming out and Rashford having to stretch a bit, but it had to go in. Lukaku, I suspect, would’ve found the net with it. Instead, Courtois saved and Mourinho responded by hooking Rashford and Lingard. Taking off Jesse was a tad puzzling in my opinion, just as the number 14 was getting into the game.

So Lukaku and Martial (left out of the French World Cup squad in midweek, prompting more rumours of his exit) were on. I was screaming for Mata as well for Herrera, who seemed to not be aware we were losing, given the fact he wasn’t moving forward with the ball and was still playing the safest passes he could. There are times when Herrera just isn’t needed and today was one of them. His main job was to stop Hazard, who had put us behind - although the Spaniard couldn’t be blamed for the goal which wasn’t in his area. But then, what was he on for now? If Mata had been given more time, he could’ve found a key pass to unlock the door. Instead Herrera finished the game, one of his least memorable in a red shirt. He wasn’t being helped by his captain Valencia though, who was constantly turning back into midfield when he had the chance to get to the by-line.

By now Conte had instructed his team to give up on attacking, and you couldn’t blame them. The only threat was Phil Jones getting injured after a robust challenge by Giroud required him to put on a head bandage, the only thing the dreamy Frenchman did all game. It was all United, but it was all in front of the defence. We weren’t isolating their players or giving them different things to think about. We became increasingly route one, but Cahill and Rudiger were having a comfortable time of it.

The biggest chance fell to Paul Pogba, who screwed a free header wide from a Martial corner. That was the moment really, the only time the Chelsea team switched off. The £89m man had the freedom of Wembley, he had to do better, to at least get it on target. Alas, it wasn’t to be. Chelsea controlled the last 10 minutes, wasting time expertly with their subs taking decades to complete. Martial after a decent run had a little opening, but he found row J. Late sub Mata, of all people, conceded two corners in the dying minutes as the Chelsea supporters loudly cheered every single throw in and corner won, delighting in their players forcing United back, further and further away from a goal that would take it to extra time.



Chelsea celebrate with the famous old trophy

 

The whistle went and Conte was jubilant. For all that this season has been a failure for the Blues (not enough has been said about the reigning champions spending north of £200m,  finishing 5^th and 23 points worse than last season) their manager deserved this moment I think, given the turmoil he’s been faced with off the field. It was his first domestic cup as a manager. Even at their worst, Chelsea seem to be able to churn out trophies, exemplified by Cahill lifting the cup after a difficult season for him personally. Although United in mitigation could say De Gea had nothing to do, Chelsea could respond by saying they never really looked in trouble.

Like it or not, it’s likely if Fellaini had been available for the last 20 minutes we could’ve nicked an equaliser. Chelsea were very comfortable in the air against United, as a half-fit Lukaku couldn’t impose himself as usual against their big defenders. If the big man had been there, Chelsea would’ve been forced to mark him, perhaps even assigning two on him, in turn creating space for others. In the 93^rd minute Matic tamely headed over; if that had been Fellaini it could’ve been different. Though the very idea that United missed Fellaini out there suggests how shocking they were.

While Valencia is hardly the biggest problem at United, in football today the full-backs are so important, and indeed no one got the ball more for United in threatening positions than him and Young. I really don’t want to watch a lot more of him receiving the ball, doing that little leg shuffle, then passing backwards. The captain for the day was really pathetic, seemingly unable to dribble anymore, offering nothing. Young was giving it his all, offering his teammates an option, but as I’ve already said, he just isn’t that good, willing but unable to change the game.

Sanchez has played 18 times for United since he arrived, and has scored a grand total of 3 goals, one of which was a penalty rebound. It is not reactionary to say he has been downright crap for us given his handsome wages. The man has an awesome record at Wembley – I saw it for myself in the semi-final, when he was excellent – but he did fuck all in the final, like in a lot of games he has played so far for us. Spurs and City away apart, he has not been the player we all expected him to be, or saw at Arsenal. In the summer, he will have his first extended break from football since 2013. Let’s hope he comes back refreshed, because more of this will be hard to accept from such a talented player.

It’s not just Sanchez. Pogba as well was disappointing. He was decent, don’t get me wrong, helping us progress forward and running hard all afternoon. But where was an imposing display from our best player in what turned out to be the biggest game of the season? Where was the Lingard from the winter? But most all, where was the master of finals, the serial winner that is Jose Mourinho? He had his own tactics based on organisation and concentration used against him by a man who he had a spat with earlier on in the campaign. I hope it hurt him, as ending the season trophyless should hurt all of them, even though there are clear signs of progress from last season.

For us not to score against a team playing like *that* is slightly embarrassing. It’s one thing playing on the counter but there were essentially only two attacking players in their line-up. They were sharp in the first half, decisive in the penalty incident, and to be fair, retained their focus and concentration against the almost constant United possession in the 2^nd half. They did deserve their eighth FA Cup, even if for the neutral it was like watching paint dry.

It’s been a good season, generally, but it has definitely been tarnished by this schoolboy performance. Thankfully the world cup arrives to stop us from licking our wounds all summer.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Valencia 5.5, Smalling 6, Jones 5 (Mata 87), Young 6; Herrera 4.5, Matic 5.5, Pogba 6; Lingard 5 (Martial 73, 4), Rashford 3.5 (Lukaku 73, 5), Sanchez 5.

Chelsea (5-3-2) Courtois 7.5; Moses 6, Azpilicueta 6, Cahill 7, Rudiger 7, Alonso 5.5; Fabregas 6.5, Kante 7, Bakayoko 5; Giroud 4.5 (Morata 89), Hazard 7 (Willian 90+1).

Manchester United 1-0 Watford Last day of season/Carrick's farewell

Manchester United 1-0 Watford (Rashford 34)

This was game so full of action that it was stone dead last out of 10 games on Match of the Day even with the bonus element of it being the last game of Michael Carrick’s professional career. To be fair though, it was a dull affair. It could hardly compare to John Motson’s last commentary, Arsene Wenger bringing down the curtain on his dynasty, Man City clinching 100 (One hundred!) points with a Jesus goal in stoppage time, Chelsea blowing their top 4 hopes with a 3-0 reverse at Newcastle, Salah scoring his record-breaking 32^nd of the season, Swansea going down and last but definitely not least (in fact it was 1^st on the show) a 5-4 humdinger between Spurs and Leicester with Kane and Vardy both bagging braces to start the hope and hype trains for the World Cup.

Phew. Well what about us then? Well, a year after his testimonial that I attended, Carrick had a watered down version, with both teams not exactly firing on all cylinders. One of Fergie’s best signings and one of the most consistent players I have been fortunate to watch over the years deserved his farewell, and he had the whole shebang – kids as mascots, a guard of honour, speech after the game. Now I love Carrick, but, like I said, he’d already had his testimonial and seeing as he is going to join the coaching staff it’s not exactly a goodbye…. but anyway this is carping. He was a wonderful player, one of my favourites, and the crowd sang his name throughout.

We took the lead with a goal fitting the occasion, only because it was the vision of Carrick that created it. The Geordie Xavi found Mata’s run with a pinpoint lofted pass behind the defence, the sort of pass United fans have loved watching since 2006. The ball got what it deserved with a superb first touch, meaning Mata had plenty of time to square for Rashford to pass the ball into the net. This prompted some to wonder if Carrick should’ve played some more this season. Having watched him in the second half, let’s just be happy we saw some top passes in his last game!

United’s defence wasn’t the most solid even though Watford were barely trying. Bailly was very relaxed, and Rojo was erratic in the extreme. The Argentine made up for it though, with some quality last-ditch tackles and blocks, even though he was saved by the linesman’s flag after gifting the ball to Andre Gray after seemingly having a brain-fart. Romero, playing his 1^st league game this season, made a quality save from Richarlison’s header from point-blank range, reminding us that we have one of the best no.2’s in the world, as well as newly-golden-gloved De Gea.

The fan and players' player of the season with his 1st Golden Glove award pre-match

Limited game time among a lot of the players recently, and the eleven named rarely playing together led to a flat game. Martial left the ground before kick-off with an ‘injury’ setting the rumour mill ablaze. Sanchez looked a bit tired, but Rashford was anything but, pretty much the only one working hard, desperate to show Mourinho something. Unfortunately on the ball, there was not much quality from the lad. The game ebbed out meekly, and it will be remembered for Carrick’s farewell and nothing else. The skipper was subbed to a final standing ovation, and looked very happy on the bench at his reception. Then the crowd found their voice, signing ‘Ferguson’s red army’ and ‘every single one of us’ in tribute to the boss who is in hospital after his brain haemorrhage. Carrick said some nice words about him post-match as well.

It’s possible it’s the end for Darmian, and Blind too. The Dutchman recycled the ball, and that’s it. No risks on only his 7^th league appearance of the season, hardly a convincing argument for keeping him. As for Cup final places, if Lukaku and now Martial don’t make it, out of nowhere Mata could start after being the best player on the park – admittedly from not much competition. That’s what the focus is on, beating Chelsea to cap the season off. Carrick almost certainly won’t be involved in that one, but the day belonged to him, and quite right too. It was a pleasure, lad.

United (4-3-3) Romero 7; Darmian 6, Bailly 5.5, Rojo 6, Young 6.5 (Shaw 60, 6); McTominay 6.5, Carrick 6 (Pogba 85), Blind 6 (Herrera 77, 5.5); Mata 7, Rashford 6, Sanchez 5.5.

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United Thursday 10th May

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United

I didn’t watch this game, and after scouring the web for a highlights package that lasted longer than 6 minutes, it seems like I had a lucky escape, with the only real positive being this will be the last time we ever wear this horrendous quasi-greyish strip. Almost nothing happened in this encounter other than an entertaining scrap near the end between Paul Pogba and the personification of West Ham, Mark Noble. Think about it. A high opinion of yourself despite evidence to the contrary, really angry for no apparent reason, desperately mediocre, a feeling of being wronged etc etc.

Nonetheless, I don’t really having anything against Noble, a willing trier who has to deal with all sorts of shite being the captain of his boyhood team, including having to deck one of his own fans earlier in the season in West Ham’s nadir, a home defeat by Burnley. Since then David Moyes, who was barely acknowledged by the United fans, has steadied the ship and brought them to safety, helped out by Marco Arnautovic deciding that he is arsed after all. With him, Lanzini, Carroll, Chicharito, Antonio, Reid and the experience of Zabaleta and latterly Evra, how the hell were they in trouble for so long? It’s true they have struggled with a big chunk of the squad spending the majority of the campaign on the treatment table. But even with consistent absences West Ham have weapons that other teams in similar predicaments this season just didn’t have.

United played a back 5. A real, Italian style one, not a back 3. With McTominay and Herrera also there protecting De Gea’s 18^th clean sheet (the one he needed for a maiden Golden Glove), it was clear it wouldn’t be like watching 1970’s Brazil. Mourinho left Martial and Rashford, two who could do something watchable, on the bench - a clear message that they’ve blown their Cup final chances. Still, Adrian had to make some impressive saves to keep it goalless, as the 8 changes from Brighton didn’t have the anticipated effect of a better performance. Lingard buzzed around in a sort of shadow-striker role, demonstrating his intelligence and adaptability, and was our best goal threat. Shaw did well on the left flank with plenty of runs forward, and that was it really. We clinched 2^nd and no one got injured. Bring on the Cup final so we avoid watching this dead-rubber dross please.

United (5-3-1-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 6.5 (Bailly 90+4), Lindelof 6, Smalling 6, Jones 6, Shaw 7; Herrera 6, McTominay 5, Pogba 5.5; Lingard 7.5 (Rashford 74, 5.5); Sanchez 5.5 (Young 90+2).

Brighton 1-0 Manchester United Friday 4th May

Brighton 1-0 Manchester United (Gross 57)

An intriguing statistic surfaced after this Friday night game. United had lost to all the promoted teams this season away from home. Brighton, Newcastle (1-0) and Huddersfield (2-1) had beaten us, but we had beaten all the top 5. Jekyll and Hyde United. We’ve also dropped points to Stoke, Southampton and West Brom, proving that although there has been a vast improvement this season, against the actual shite of the division we struggle to break them down and too often end games with feelings of frustration.

It was the first time since 1989-90 that we had lost 3 league matches in a season against newly promoted clubs. This insipid display wasn’t some massive shock though, with United pretty much on auto-pilot and Brighton up for it looking to seal safety in front of their fans. But even though it wasn’t a total coupon-buster, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t fucking dire. For four of our seven defeats to be against teams in the bottom half is unacceptable. Comparisons with City are not enlightening for us, with them only losing two games, against us in 2^nd and Liverpool in 3^rd. We are stumbling over the line to finish runners-up, fortunate that Spurs are having their annual blow-up and Liverpool are concentrating on Europe.

There were a fair few players out on that pitch who had a chance to force their way into the Cup final team and they were clearly not arsed. But even then, we should have enough to put away bloody Brighton, who hadn’t won in 7 games. For all that we moan when Martial and Rashford are left out, nights like these are still pretty common for them, proving Mourinho right. But the manager has to take a lot more responsibility, as way too often under him we see these joyless, disjointed and functional performances. I’m in no way #MourinhoOut, not by a long shot, but to see so many games like this is criminal given the attacking talent we have.  

Lukaku was injured and Sanchez was rested, with Rojo starting with Smalling, after Mourinho had justified Bailly’s absence by saying he needed to make sure the other defenders were match fit for the World Cup. Even for him, that bullshit took some chutzpah to say to the press. Young captained the team with Valencia rested.

The game itself? Brighton were up for it from kick-off, pumping balls into the general direction of the wily old forward Glenn Murray. As the game went on and they realised how poor United were, they abandoned the agricultural approach and went for a more considered style, with the ball-players Pascal Gross and Dutch international Davy Propper – one of my favourite players in the bottom reaches of the league – proving difficult to mark.

Our full-backs were showing no positional awareness (how often do we see overlaps from them?) and our centre-backs were treating the ball like its lit dynamite. United had 68% possession when the whistle blew, but there wasn’t much to write home about. It was mostly boring, slow keep-ball. There was little penetration from our forwards, seldom were balls played in behind. United were very sloppy, especially Fellaini and Rashford, who blew United’s best chance when refusing to cut the ball back to Martial after getting to the right side by-line. Instead he paused, thought about shooting, and only got a corner after dawdling so much he could have set up Mata as well who had made a late run. It neatly summed up an awful half devoid of quality, with a real end of season feel to it despite cup places being on the line. Fellaini was too deep, not forward enough to be useful.

De Gea had to make 3 top saves to keep us level. Murray’s 25 yard shot, Izquierdo’s effort and a Gross drive were all heading towards goal but Spanish Dave proved why he won both player of the year awards in midweek by denying them all. The only positive in the 1^st half was a tremendous drunken Friday night rendition of ‘Viva Ronaldo’ from the travelling Reds desperate for our Portuguese alumnus to step up again and stop the scousers from winning a 6^th European Cup in Kiev in 3 weeks or so. C’mon Ronnie. Save us from that horror, would you?

There is still plenty of deadwood at the club, chief among them Darmian, who was utter wank again. Please let that be his last United game, and it would be fitting if it was. The Italian was beaten horribly easily by Izquierdo for the goal, allowing Gross to head in after the initial cross was parried, the goal being awarded by goal line technology after Rojo’s clearance just wasn’t good enough.

So we were behind. Time for a swashbuckling response… er… about that. In the 71^st minute Rashford had a powerful shot from distance well saved from the Aussie Matt Ryan, but that was about as good as it got. Mourinho introduced Lingard and Luke Shaw, and later took off Rojo for McTominay, but it didn’t really make a difference.

The last sections of the match were embarrassing with the United side just circulating the ball. There was no setting it wide, no pace, just waiting for someone else to take a risk or make an offensive run. We were left with Pogba trying to find the top corner from 30 yards for the final 7 or 8 minutes or so, an admission that we had run out of ideas before we’d even begun brainstorming.

The home side were jubilant and why not, having clinched their survival and seen off the great Manchester United of Darmian. There was a minor pitch invasion at full-time and good luck to them – Chris Hughton, one of the more dignified football men, deserves all the praise he gets.

Mourinho went for Martial and Rashford in his presser. "For 10 months I get asked 'why always Lukaku? Why always Lukaku, why always Lukaku? Why always this player? That guy doesn't have a chance to start, the other one is on the bench.' You know why now." For once, there was little to be said in response. Let’s just hope the massive Belgian is fit and ready for the Cup final, otherwise we are going to have a huge job on our hands.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 8; Darmian 3.5 (Shaw 68, 5.5), Smalling 5, Rojo 5.5 (McTominay 76, 5), Young 5; Fellaini 5 (Lingard 68, 5.5), Matic 6, Pogba 4.5; Mata 4, Rashford 3.5, Martial 4.

Champions League Semi Final 1st Leg Observations

Bayern Munich 1-2 Real Madrid

Bayern's first loss at home this season was clinched by a slick counter attack from Real after a huge individual error by Rafinha, who sent a pass straight to Vasquez. He passed to Asensio, who calmly lifted the ball home for the winner and a second away goal to leave his side well placed to reach a 4th final in 5 years.

Bayern were the better side here, having 60% of possession. They created the better chances, and it was baffling how they only scored once. But one big error – just like at the same stage in 15/16 when Griezmann was allowed to run through for Atletico – is enough for Real Madrid to smell blood, and seal victory.

This squad is built to get through these ties. Real have seemingly done the impossible and made the Champions League their competition. The fact they will finish miles behind Barcelona domestically is irrelevant to how these players approach things in Europe, where they have figured out how to control games against the very best sides, and also to grind out results when not playing well.

It's no secret they got their luck as well, of course. Who would've thought that Robert Lewandowski, one of the best strikers of his generation, would miss two one-on-ones in the same game? Or foreseen the time when Thomas Muller inadvertently blocked an effort from Hummels on Real's goal-line? But Real just find a way to get through these games, and take a lead to Spain next week.

Zidane went conservative with his side, picking Vasquez ahead of Benzema or Bale and playing 4-5-1, with Isco nominally on the left, but in practice joining in with the central midfielders. Jupp Heynckes was the polar opposite, picking essentially 5 forwards. Javi Martinez protected the fort, but the rest went forward in an attempt to push Modric and Kroos back and force them to play cautiously.

For a Champions League semi-final between two heavyweights, it was a game low on moments of top quality. Instead it was a frantic game full of mistakes - perfect for the neutral. The viewer was denied watching the electric pace of Arjen Robben, however. Only 8 minutes had passed before the Dutchman was limping off. He isn’t as plagued with injuries as he once was, but at 34, you couldn’t but help wonder if Robben would again start a Champions League game of such magnitude, even though age so far hasn’t hampered him.

Father time isn’t afflicting Franck Ribery either. The 35-year-old was Bayern’s best player, forever jinking past his marker, whipping balls in and creating opportunities with his velvet touch. In an ever changing world, to see Ribery on that left flank for Bayern is quite comforting. Throughout the evening he was a threat, and if the rest of his teammates had played like him Bayern would’ve won.

The early sub didn’t affect the home side tactically - Muller shuffled out to the right, and Thiago came on to play midfield -  but at half-time, Thiago could reflect on a performance that at best could be described as a 2/10. The Spaniard was guilty of letting the simplest of passes go astray and had errant touches galore. Did he just not warm up properly, or was sulking from not starting? He’s one of my favourite players to watch, his elegant style very easy on the eye, but although he improved as the game went on it was an undignified display from a player who by now should be indispensable for club and country given his talent. The fact that he was on the bench to begin with said a lot about how his season has gone.

Isco's narrow position led to joy on the right for Bayern. Ronaldo was isolated.



Bayern's offensive style was relatively unaffected by the early subs and injuries 



 

Regardless of Thiago’s struggles, Bayern were on it. Muller and Ribery went close before Kimmich scored in the 28th minute after Real were caught upfield. James sent a class through ball into the path of the full-back, who sent the ball towards goal instead of crossing as Real were expecting. He caught the keeper out and sent the Munich crowd into fever pitch.

Six minutes later a second Bayern sub was made, with Boateng pulling his hamstring and coming off for Sule. It was a big blow for Bayern to lose one of the best Centre-Back’s in the world. In a way it was classic Bayern - the players falling apart the minute they physically exert themselves. Their terrible injury record going into these ties season after season is surely no coincidence - after weeks of strolling through Bundesliga 5-0 cakewalks, the sudden change in intensity is obviously hard to deal with. In this match they were without Vidal, Alaba, Neuer and Coman even before the in-game problems. Although, a club of Bayern's size and wealth should never use injuries as excuses.

Ribery had a huge chance of making it 2-0, but his touch was awful, incredibly heavy, and the chance was gone with Keylor Navas pouncing on the ball. James, on loan from Real remember, had the keeper scrambling when sending a curling effort just wide. Real’s 4-5-1 wasn’t working, leaving Ronaldo too isolated and the team too narrow leaving Bayern finding joy in the wide areas.  

Bayern looked dominant though, ready to press home their advantage, when, as has happened so many times for this Madrid side over the last few years, a stunning intervention turned the game. Usually it's Ronaldo who saves them, but this season Marcelo has not been far behind. The left-back - a description that seems increasingly invalid - backed up his goals against PSG and Juve with an outstanding strike on the half-volley of wicked power, arrowed right into the bottom corner. It was unstoppable, and now Bayern left the field level after a half they had completely dominated.

Zidane made a brave sub at the break, bringing on Asensio for Isco and switching to a wider, more classic 4-3-3. Immediately, Bayern were forced to retreat, and Ronaldo began to see more of the ball. This game was the first Champions League game in 12 – Twelve – that Ronaldo had failed to score in, breaking his record run of scoring in every single CL game this season. But he was still being double-marked, opening up space for the other attackers. Vasquez and Asensio benefited, being left free to combine for the winning goal after Rafinha’s suicidal pass from Bayern’s own corner.

Ronaldo did have the ball in the back of the net, with a scorching volley with his left foot from the edge of the area, although he had quite blatantly handballed to help control it. Amusingly, he acted with pure indignation when the referee chalked the goal off.

Zidane, as much as I still don't see what he offers most of the time, got his subs spot on, and bravely sent on Benzema when Carvajal couldn't continue, putting Vasquez at right back, knowing he was one of the few who could keep pace with Ribery. The Asensio goal had shocked the Germans, leading to anxious passing and groans from the crowd, and Benzema almost scored after another lax defensive pass but the keeper made a top save.

A final roll of the dice saw Bayern play without a holding player as Tolisso replaced Javi Martinez. It was a good change, and the chances were returning, with the game being played almost entirely deep in Real’s half. But Real were determined to leave with a lead - Navas saved from Ribery, Ramos put his body on the line for the team as always, heading away cross after cross, flying into tackles and setting his side on the break with long passes. Marcelo, after being caught out of position for Kimmich’s goal, was rock-solid in the last 20 minutes preventing Muller from getting past him, and having the same effect on James when he was pushed wide right. Last-second blocks were the order of the day from the holders, and when they failed Lewandowski helped Madrid out by poking wide from ten yards out when James had sent him clear. It was a costly miss, a rare one from the Polish marksman and Real saw out the game.

Real went away to the French champions-elect, and won. They went to the home of the Italian champions, and won. For the second year in a row they won at the Allianz Arena, beating the German champions in their own back yard. They have taken on Europe's best and beaten them – even this time without Ronaldo scoring. Can anyone stop this team?

 

Liverpool 5-2 Roma

I hate Liverpool, okay?

They’re very good. Salah was awesome, scoring twice and destroying the Roma backline despite them training with him for the last two years. Captain Jordan Henderson gave his defining European performance, dominating De Rossi and Nainggolan and constantly sending forward passes to the now famous front 3 of Firmino, Salah, and Mane.

Roma played a high line, rather making a rod for their own back against the rampant pace of Liverpool. Leaving Perotti and El Shaarawy out left the side lacking in attacking pace and flair as well. Salah put his team 2 in front in no time, refusing to celebrate, although the Kop went justifiably mental. As much as I despise Liverpool, even I had to admit it was something special for an English team to attack like this in a European Semi-final; committing so many men forward with carefree abandon. Klopp has given his team an absurd amount of confidence, happy to attack in almost any situation.

That situation included being 5-0 up, where Liverpool were still amazingly on the front foot and duly were punished and Roma stole two away goals at the end. This left them in the same situation as after the 4-1 defeat at the Nou Camp in the last round; namely, win 3-0 at home and we go through. But I find it very difficult to believe Liverpool and Salah won’t score in Rome.

Liverpool were brilliant, you can’t deny it. The loss of Oxlade-Chamberlain through injury (a cruel twist of fate that left me and no doubt Southgate concerned about the World Cup) was a mere fly in the ointment for them, with no change in their playing style and high pressing approach.

Firmino scored twice, Mane added another, but the night was about Salah, owner of 43 goals this season. That is, make no mistake, Ronaldo and Messi numbers. From a bloody Liverpool player. I just pray my man CR7 crushes his and the scousers dreams in Kiev in May. I don’t think I’d be able to cope with them lot chanting ‘6 times’.

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United 18th April

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United (Smalling 28, Lukaku 70)

United warmed up for the Cup semi vs Spurs by dispatching a spirited Bournemouth XI, bouncing back from the defeat by West Brom well with a professional display. 

Mourinho made seven changes from that shocking game, partly as a reaction to the performance, partly to rest certain individuals for Spurs. So United started a league match without Lukaku and Matic for the first time in 17/18, with Valencia rested completely as well. Only De Gea, Herrera, Pogba and Smalling retained their spot but the real story was the selection of Luke Shaw and, amazingly, the player I dislike most in the current squad, Matteo Darmian. The Italian had almost disappeared from view but here he was, starting in the league for us for the first time since *checks soccerbase* the 0-0 draw at Liverpool on the 14^th October. This game was on 18^th April, for god’s sake. I’m never happy when he plays but he did ok considering he was brought in from the cold at short notice.

Shaw again looked a little too rotund for my liking… at this stage, you can only laugh really. But to be fair to the man fond of a Big Mac, he played well in the much changed defence, although he wasn’t the star of it. That was the recalled Phil Jones, who was showing plenty of effort and passion, dominating the area and winning the ball back numerous times.

The first goal was lovely. Herrera played a through ball down the right between the channels for Lingard to run onto, as opposed to most of the game when everything had been to feet, forcing the receiver to trap and control it. But this time, Lingard was able to instantly cross, and with all the Bournemouth defenders facing their own goal and not wanting to commit to a potential own-goal, Smalling, - the new Van Nistelrooy over the last month - was there to stab home. 3 goals in 3 away games for our new striker Smalling.

That opened up space and for the rest of the match the home defenders were constantly being turned by United’s pacey forwards, but the finish eluded them despite plenty of good approach play. Martial and Rashford buzzed around nicely but we were missing a real penalty box player to get on the end of the balls in. Unlike a lot of games this season, United weren’t particularly static, but we didn’t look like getting another goal.

That was until Lukaku came on and instantly gave United a convincing threat up top. It was he who finished off Bournemouth with the second goal. He ran into green space, and the ball was played into his path on his left side by Pogba enabling him to tuck it away without breaking stride. It was another simple goal, but so pleasing to witness for a team that sometimes like to overcomplicate things. Runs in behind, accurate passes = goals.

Matic came on for Herrera, and Pogba pushed up, exclusively playing in their half, and dribbling with the ball at his feet all the time. Our main man was feeding Martial, Lukaku and Rashford as well as looking for sights of goal himself. Just when he was really getting into his groove Mourinho subbed him, with a slight wry smile on his face I’m sure. Let the press write their crap – with the Cup semi on the weekend, the more minutes Pogba rests for the better.

Pogba’s replacement was Daley Blind, who like Darmian has spent most of the season on the bench or in the stands despite being available. (Although Blind was injured for 6 weeks during February and March). The Dutchman took the field for the first time since the 3^rd round Fa Cup win over Derby on the 5^th of Jan, and only 2 minutes after coming on shanked horribly at the ball when given the chance to shoot. It rather summed up a season where his previously quite decent United career has tailed off horribly. He started the first 3 fixtures but Young took the left-back spot and has never really been in danger since. Blind played all the European group matches but like Darmian appears to have been punished for the Bristol City loss. Although I hold him no malice (unlike that Italian prick) his time at United is surely up in the summer with the team barely noticing his absence all season. I mean, this was only his 6^th league appearance of the campaign.

The back 4 – even Darmian despite everything - defended well as part of the unit to allow United to see the game out pretty easily in the end, the expected onslaught from the home team never really arriving due to United’s experience and their own lack of quality creative players. Not that the crowd left at full-time annoyed by the action – far from it, as it was a raucous atmosphere from the very first minute to the last, the fans fully appreciative of their players despite the loss. Why not, when Eddie Howe has masterminded yet another season dining at the top tier for the small south coast club. So a decent win, but it’s Spurs, Wembley, and the Cup that takes our attention now.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Darmian 6.5, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 6.5; Herrera 7 (Matic 72, 6), Fellaini 6, Pogba 7.5 (Blind 80, 5); Lingard 6.5 (Lukaku 62, 7.5), Rashford 6.5, Martial 6;

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom 15th April

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom (Rodriguez 73)

Fans of every single club in England, without fail, believe that their club love ‘doing it the hard way’. “Typical City” the Berties would bitterly mutter as their shite heroes slipped into the third tier. “Classic West Ham, never making it easy for ourselves” sigh the Green Street veterans after another pathetic performance, now forever condemned to watching football at an athletics stadium (admittedly a world-class one). Mostly, even for the rubbish clubs, this is utter bollocks. Even at United - the most successful team in the country remember – there persists a feeling from a sizable number of supporters that a trophy is only ever won in strife, and some of the recent domestic cup victories prove them right. After watching United lose to a West Brom outfit already essentially down, propping up the table and with a caretaker manager, only a week after the result of the season at the Etihad, you wonder if the cliché does ring true.

Of course, having 8 of the finest selection of young British players of all time lose their life in a plane crash with their potential not even slightly fulfilled would probably qualify for ‘doing it the hard way’. But generally, even the bad times at Old Trafford aren’t too bad. Despite this dreadful 90 minutes, United still could finish 2^nd and lift the FA Cup, which would be a very good season. But it is the inconsistency and the lack of ability to build on wins that so frustrates the crowd when it comes to Mourinho’s Manchester United. How were his team so lethargic after the high of Smalling’s winner at City?

It’s not as if West Brom were any good. They should always be respected – this was incredibly their 3^rd league win at Old Trafford since Ferguson retired – but they were and are rock bottom of the league, desperately low on confidence, sleepwalking to the Championship under temporary boss Darren Moore, after the appointment of Alan Pardew spectacularly failed. Their lack of attacking prowess is almost hilarious, and yet they won at our home, a place where Mourinho has only lost to two other teams – City and Sevilla. In the process leaving us 16 points behind with 5 games to play, meaning the Champions-elect became the Champions. It was their first league win since January for fucks sake.

WBA didn’t need to be special or even average to win, for United were abject. Slow, ponderous, and lacking in ideas, we looked like we were the team who had given up for the season. The contrast with the chest beating after the derby win was stark. Only two changes had been made – Lindelof for Bailly and Mata for Lingard – yet the change in tempo was like a chasm.  It was really hard to recall any moments of dominance or great football. We had the ball, but didn’t do a lot. We had the territory, yet rarely turned the defenders or tested the keeper. It was all very dreary. Lukaku had a chance saved. Herrera had a penalty claim waved away. That was it for the first half.

A familiar issue in all of United’s poor games this season has been lack of width and once again it was on show. Mata and the totally wasteful Sanchez both drifted inside, with Pogba, Herrera and Lukaku already there. The result? A congested mess when we go forward, practically tripping over ourselves in the search for space. With Valencia and Young either unwilling or unable to push high up, United were stale, relying on little bits of quality to open up a stout defence.

Albion were panicking whenever they had the ball, almost terrified that they could actually come away with a result. The golden chance inevitably came on the hour mark and it fell to Lukaku, just who United would’ve wanted it to. Matic picked him out with a fine cross and he did nothing wrong with his header. Nothing. It was powerful and goalbound, but Ben Foster flung himself to his left and pulled off a magnificent save. Rom couldn’t believe it, and the WBA lads probably thought then and there they could nick it.

It was from a corner, obviously. You can take the Tony Pulis out of the team etc. Brunt swung it in, Matic lost his man at the far post and desperately headed it himself back into the six yard box, where Jay Rodriguez had escaped Lukaku to score. Another goal conceded from a set-piece that Lukaku is culpable for then. There really is no point having him in there if he is so shit at marking, just leave the guy up top. You couldn’t blame him too much though, he barely got a kick against the bottom team due to his teammates actions.

There was no onslaught or siege on to the Stretford End goal afterwards. Even the introduction of Lingard, Rashford and Martial didn’t lead to anything tangible, despite all three being renowned for their effectiveness off the bench this season. More urgency, more crosses and Smalling being used as an unorthodox centre-forward, but no real danger for the well organised Baggies. United looked out of ideas, and in the end deserved to slip to a 6^th league defeat of the season, just when you least expected it. It was probably one of the shocks of the season, an incredibly disappointing coupon-buster, but it didn’t feel disastrous in any way. Just that United had been punished for lazily strolling through a game, and given we had been losing to Chelsea, Palace and City recently, you can hardly say a loss wasn’t coming.

The one silver lining was the knowledge that City won the title in a quite pathetic way, watching the TV draped over their Sunday dinner on a wet and miserable evening. Some might ask how City mathematically clinching the league could ever be good, but when you consider at half time last week we were facing the threat of them releasing thousands of fireworks at their stadium in front of us after thrashing their rivals, you begin to understand why this was a bit easier to swallow. They were denied their champagne moment. In any case, they’ve had it wrapped up since late December 2017, so any feelings of despair have long since been dealt with. They can enjoy the last 5 games, whereas United go to Bournemouth as a warm up for an enormous Cup semi with Spurs. It would’ve been beneficial to have been on a run of wins before that crunch game, but United never do it the easy way, do they?

United (4-3-3) De Gea 7; Valencia 5, Smalling 6, Lindelof 6, Young 3.5 (Rashford 75, 5); Herrera 5 (Lingard 46, 5), Matic 5, Pogba 5 (Martial 58, 6); Mata 5, Lukaku 5.5, Sanchez 4.5. 

Manchester United 2-0 Brighton FA Cup 6th Round

Manchester United 2-0 Brighton (Lukaku 37, Matic 83)

 

The fixture after the midweek before. The aftermath of the Sevilla defeat lasted right up until kick-off here, with the manager pre-match press conference an extraordinary example of the fight that Jose Mourinho has always been known for. As United’s season was punctured on Tuesday the boss was already looking for the distraction, an angle of excuses.

It was something, even so. An impassioned 12 minute defence of his record in the Champions League, and a football history lesson of United’s substandard performances post-Ferguson. The Portuguese reeled off United’s league positions, and compared them with City, to show how difficult it was and is for him to bridge the gap. He then listed European results after 2011, bluntly saying “this is football heritage” after every point. It might well be useful to mention Sevilla’s excellent European record, but this weekend they lost to Leganes. The Spanish minnows must have some heritage they’re hiding in their tiny ground, eh Jose?

Not that my rather pithy last sentence detracts from the good feeling I got from watching Mourinho hammer home his point that United are shit and he is desperate to turn us around. Because he was spot on. United have been poor, especially in Europe. That doesn’t explain a loss to Sevilla, a result that will hang over the club for a good few months, but perhaps should help explain why the reaction is not immediately to get rid of Mourinho.

You might’ve forgotten there was also an FA Cup Quarter-Final to win. The game was ugly, with very little to write home about. Thankfully for the manager, two of his most trusted lieutenants – Romelu Lukaku and Nemanja Matic – scored to send us to Wembley.

Lukaku, fast becoming a leader in this team, hit his 25^th of the season from a Matic cross, and then followed numerous Brighton chances against pedestrian passing of the home side. The toothless nature of the South Coast attack, combined with the commanding display of cup keeper Romero meant that United were never really in trouble, but it wasn’t in the slightest the sort of response the faithful would’ve wanted after Sevilla. Only when the second goal was scored did we look comfortable, when Matic nodded in a quality free-kick from Ashley Young.

Young? Ah yes. For the utility man had come on at half time for Luke Shaw, who was yet again publicly slammed by his manager afterwards for a dreadful performance. Shaw hadn’t been great, but I certainly wouldn’t have hooked him at half-time. The England left-back is definitely too fond of a pizza or three but has it actually had an impact on his football? Is Shaw being bullied by a bitter coach? Shaw’s United career seems at an end, whatever the real truth.

Pogba and for the first time Sanchez were left on the bench, but it barely got a mention afterwards as post-match quotes again took centre stage. It wasn’t just Shaw, almost every player received criticism, and some might say it was just deserts for underperforming players.  Mourinho questioned whether we were scared to play, although Matic was described as “an island of personality” in terms of his mentality compared to some others.

There was encouragement in the stands at least for a singing section experiment that was a big success. The traditional area of the away fans was instead populated by some of the most boisterous members of the Red Army, with the Brighton fans shoved into Tier 2 of the East Stand. The result was a massive boost to the atmosphere inside Old Trafford, as the acoustics in that part of the ground where the East and South stands meet are so much better and conducive for signing than other areas. Unlike the current signing section, no one was forced out of an area of the ground. The club, J Stand operatives and hardworking Reds deserve immense credit for bringing together so many like-minded vocal United fans at such short notice. Now it’s up to the club to make it permanent.

Seldom has the international break come at a better time for the Reds. An opportunity to rest, take stock, and regroup ahead of the run-in. Another cup semi at Wembley to look forward to. It isn’t all doom and gloom.

United (4-2-3-1) Romero 7.5; Valencia 7, Bailly 5.5, Smalling 6, Shaw 5 (Young 46, 7); McTominay 6.5, Matic 8; Mata 6 (Rashford 75, 5), Lingard 5.5 (Fellaini 89), Martial 5.5; Lukaku 7.5.

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United Monday 5th March

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United (Townsend 11, Van Aanholt 48) (Smalling 55, Lukaku 76, Matic 90+1)

"I have never been involved in a comeback like that before , I used to watch them on TV" - Marcus Rashford on Twitter, the morning after the night before.

Football, eh? Bloody Hell. What a game, what a shitshow, what a stunning comeback, what a winning goal from Nemanja Matic. A rollercoaster of emotions, and at the very end, an outpouring of joy, and regaining our place in 2^nd ahead of the game against Liverpool next week.

It really shouldn’t be this hard, after all the investment. How can United swing so violently in competence from game to game? After Chelsea, everything felt positive. And yet, United spent most of Monday evening frantically trying to avoid disaster. The wonderful resilience shown by the players was heartening, but does not erase how woeful we were in the opening 70 minutes. Our best players were dogshit, but we had managed to win… why do we wait until we concede before trying hard to score?

Only one change was made from Chelsea, with hero from last week Jesse Lingard coming in for Martial, who didn’t travel due to a minor injury. Herrera, Fellaini, Rojo, Jones and Blind were still out. McTominay started again.

Those United fans were in quality form all evening, coming across loud and clear on Sky serenading Eric Cantona, much to the anger of the Selhurst Ultras. Although there was nothing to shout about in a shambolic first period which counts among the very worst since Mourinho took the job.

It is difficult to know where to start. The attitude was unrecognisable from the Chelsea game. The whole team were second to every loose ball, unconvincing in the tackle, way too relaxed in possession. With both wide players floating inside, there was no width. We were playing too deep, with no movement up top, a recipe for stodgy disaster. Simple long balls from Palace were causing us problems, and at the other end there were no platforms for attack, with slow passes not stretching a makeshift Palace back four, or testing the dodgy Wayne Hennessey.

We were behind soon enough, losing the ball easily to allow Christian Benteke to set up Andros Townsend to score from a deflection off Lindelof, who turned his back. It was deserved, and there was little reaction from United. Instead Palace went close to doubling their lead a few times before the half-time whistle with Benteke and Sorloth proving a real handful in the air.

Roy Hodgson – whose England work was always appreciated by me – had made his Palace team tough to beat and had improved them no end since their shocking start but he was left with one hand tied behind his back here with so many first teamers out injured. His star man Wilfried Zaha was the headline but there were numerous others who were unavailable: Dann, Sakho, Sako, Puncheon, Cabaye, Speroni, Ward, the United loanee Fosu-Mensah, Loftus-Cheek and long-term crock Wickham. Yet their organisation remained, set up in two banks of four to deny space and push the defensive line of the visitors back.

Sanchez was a disgrace in that first half, unable to do anything right. Continually he moved infield into traffic, hit heavy passes straight out of play, and mis-controlled passes, his touch deserting him. Not that he was alone. Valencia was static off the ball, afraid to do anything unsafe. McTominay barely touched the ball, and I would hazard a guess that the young lad was hiding on the toughest evening of his career so far. Pogba was the opposite, coming way too deep to start attacks, and unprepared and lackadaisical when he had possession. Matic looked weak and tired in the midfield. Young was just terrible. The 4-3-3 basically meant more players doing fuck all and one less game changer than usual.

 

Red Rom loves it.

Mourinho reacted to a pathetic first half by hauling off McTominay for Rashford, switching to 4-2-3-1. The young flier made an impact instantly testing the pace of the Palace defenders, wanting to isolate himself 1 on 1 with his markers. Pogba and Matic were finding him a lot in the opening moments of the second half, but no telling chance was created. That was mainly down to rookie Palace right-back Aaron Wan-Bissaka, who was my man of the match for his never-say-die attitude and his desire to put tackles and blocks in.

The best laid plans were in tatters as Palace scored another, and it was amateur hour again as we switched off from a free-kick that was quickly taken by Schlupp, playing the speedy Van Aanholt through. No one was going to catch him, and he lashed it past De Gea to send Selhurst Park into dreamland. The last time we had come back from 2-0 to win a league game was in December 2013 against Hull.

Two down, staring at the abyss, United finally punched back. A corner was cleared and from the resulting opportunity, Valencia carefully measured a cross from a central position onto Smalling’s head, with Tomkins suffering a brainfade by keeping him onside. Game on.

United took control of the game, helped by taking off Valencia and Young, who were both utterly hopeless, and bringing on Luke Shaw and Juan Mata, with Lingard pushed to right-back in an attacking move. It made sense, and Lingard had played at full-back against Bournemouth last season. As for Shaw, it was pleasing to see him enter the pitch in our hour of need, what with his form over Christmas and Young’s recent ineptitude. But he was definitely carrying a bit of timber. Or maybe he had about 4 layers on? It was a cold evening in South London, to be fair…

The next period of the game would’ve been enormously enjoyable for the neutral, although it was torturous for me. The game was completely stretched, with both teams frantic and full of panic. United were forcing things too quickly, rushing through moves and playing over ambitious passes. Palace dropped way too deep, terrified of the onslaught they knew were coming.

Without sounding like a know-it-all, in hindsight Palace had given so much already, and were so weakened by the absences, that them crumbling was inevitable. Constant defensive mistakes were made allowing United in, saved only by luck or last ditch tackles – like when Benteke of all people cleared off the line from Matic after a corner with the keeper beaten. Not that I could view the game with such clarity when it was going on, mind.

Mata was making a difference as he often does when United are having a bad game, his speed of thought, happy knack for finding gaps and calm demeanour was beginning to take effect and calm his teammates down. He always provided options, making himself available. Lingard at RB was a revelation; dribbling at the defence, pinning them back, allowing Mata ahead of him more space to come inside. Lukaku was winning more in the air, and deservedly put us on terms when reacting fastest to a Sanchez shot that had ricochet onto the bar after the best bit of interplay around the box all game had created the opening. He controlled and pretended to shoot about 4 times, having a clear picture in his head, allowing the defenders to crowd the keeper and block his vision. You don’t score as many as him without having composure in front of goal and the Belgian eventually stroked it home, leading the team in big celebration. We were now favourites.

But we needed Ge Dea, as per, to save us with an athletic save from a Benteke header that was improbable enough for the Belgian striker and one time Lukaku rival to already be off in celebration. Spanish Dave is just magnificent, and there is no more anyone can say. Really he deserves cunts in front of him who are actually capable of sticking with their markers.

However, despite all the trying, it looked like we had run out of time, with Palace squeezing every last drop of energy from all of their players, lactic acid burning in their arms as they blocked shot after shot and rose again and again to head crosses away. But in the 91^st minute after the umpteenth ball was blocked, the ball at up nicely for Matic about 30 yards from goal. The crowd, his teammates and yours truly were yelling at him to pass out wide but instead he unleashed an incredibly sweet half-volley into the top corner, sending the fans completely barmy in the process.



Auto-Matic!





What a fucking moment, what a comeback, what a way to score your first United goal. He can strike a ball (like vs Everton in 15/16, and in the Cup semi vs Spurs last April) but his shots for United have largely been erratic. For such a high-quality goal to be scored in those circumstances by Matic was simply orgasmic. He led a mass of United bodies who ran to the away end, celebrating intensely with the faithful. Magic from Matic. Scenes mate. Scenes.



The Reds regrouped to see off any Palace pressure and the final whistle came and the ground emptied remarkably quickly with the home team feeling sick after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Forgetting the wretched performance for a moment, that’s what football is all about, last minute winners from behind away from home. Great stuff. But now, onto the troubling post-mortem…

Sanchez was shocking throughout, but it must be said, as bad as he played, he never once gave up, always on the move, playing pretty much central midfield late on to try and get on the ball and create. Although, our big signing promptly fucked it up almost every time. Still, having a player who takes risks and keeps plugging away, keeps trying that chip through ball to the far post will surely be a good thing over time, but Jesus, it wouldn’t kill him to recycle it now and then. He simply must improve, get less wasteful and start justifying his enormous pay-packet soon, because United have looked muddled since he arrived. Everyone deserves a bedding-in period, but the crunch games are coming thick and fast and if he isn’t gelling with the rest of the team he should be starting games amongst the substitutes. Although like Pogba, he possesses the ability to come up with something special no matter how badly he’s playing.

Valencia and Young were both embarrassing, and that is not being unkind. They looked nervous and unconvincing in defence, and were insipid in attack. Remember these are wingers, of some repute, by trade. So you can forgive some defensive lapses – but how can they not provide something that causes a second string Palace team a problem? When you start with Lingard and Sanchez as the wingers, you know the full-backs must provide the width, and that might’ve been a mistake by the manager. Instead Valencia was barely over the halfway-line, and Young simply passed back to the receiver whenever he got it. Sure, they’re on the other side of their peaks, but there is little excuse for such a poor performance.

Of course, it needs to be said that the skipper Valencia has generally been very good for the last three years, against better judgement. He should be allowed off days, even if they are shockers (You knew he was bad when Jose took him off – he is usually one of his most trusted lieutenants). But clubs that we are competing against for honours probably wouldn’t tolerate a well past his best former winger at right-back. His obvious weaknesses don’t stack up well at all against Europe’s best. Given the importance of them in today’s game, perhaps Right-back is an area to strengthen in the summer. (I still love you Tony V, obvs.)

A left-back could be signed as well, although I would rather just give Luke Shaw a good run. The fact that the, ahem, heavy looking lad came on at all tells you everything about how bad Young was, especially when you consider Shaw has never been a favourite of Mourinho. Young has played above himself for long periods this season, even forcing himself back into the England squad, and he deserves kudos for that. But don’t get it twisted, he is nowhere near United standard in any position he plays. Consistently Young has been exposed positionally. He’s a survivor – I would’ve sold him in the summer of 2014. He’s a good character, big in the dressing room, a top guy and by all accounts a really good professional. But he’s just a bit shit, and the odd teasing cross won’t convince me otherwise.

Having said all of that though, it was a mighty fine comeback, demonstrating our spirit, and despite there being lots to dislike, the subs helped change the game and keep us on track. Mourinho made the right changes at the right time, and the lads turned it around. Well done, now try and not lose to Liverpool on Saturday.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 8; Valencia 3 (Mata 67, 7.5), Smalling 7, Lindelof 5.5, Young 3.5 (Shaw 67, 6); McTominay 5 (Rashford 46, 6.5), Matic 7, Pogba 6; Lingard 7, Lukaku 7.5, Sanchez 5.