Manchester United 3-0 Stoke

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke (Valencia 9, Martial 38, Lukaku 72)

It had been 10 days since Manchester United had last kicked a ball in anger against Derby in the cup, a rare long-ish break in the middle of the season which Jose Mourinho had taken to full advantage, spending much of the time in Dubai. The Portuguese gaffer gushed about the warm weather and the facilities, and a previously jaded United arrived for the Monday evening game refreshed. Off field matters had taken up the journalist’s attention during the lull, such as Mourinho’s war of words with Conte, (‘I don’t act like a clown’ “He has senile dementia” ‘I will never be banned for match-fixing’ “He is a little man”) and United’s seemingly on a whim pursuit of Alexis Sanchez.

The wantaway Arsenal flier was the talk of the terraces, and a compilation of his goals was even shown on MUTV. But the game kicked off with no deal looking imminent, although the Red Devils were in the driving seat. City had balked at the wage demands of the Chilean, and we had muscled in. The day before, after Arsenal’s loss at Bournemouth, Wenger had said Sanchez’s future would be resolved within 48 hours, but the Arsenal chief does say a lot of shite these days. Mkhitaryan was left out of the squad, after Jose had said he would be involved, amid speculation the Armenian would be going the other way to Sanchez. He has almost certainly played his last game for Manchester United.

While no one is sure about who exactly will be at Carrington in February, what you can bet your life on is Paul Pogba being United’s best player for the foreseeable future. The number 6 was sensational.

There are people who don’t rate Pogba, or at the very least believe he’s overhyped. This is baffling, as Pogba’s strengths are so obvious, even on his bad days. You don’t have to study him, like you do Busquets, to truly appreciate his impact on matches. No one who has watched him for more than a handful of games can have any doubt about his talent, so it must be bitterness, jealously, or good old fashioned ABU syndrome, that explains why he is not feted like De Bruyne.  

Speaking of the two-footed ginger, Pogba equalled his assists record for the season against Stoke, putting them both on 9. The Frenchman has played 10 less games though, due to his injuries and suspensions. After this win,  and City's first loss of the season on Sunday against Liverpool, the gap between the Manchester clubs was 12 points; it’s tempting to wonder what it would be if United’s talisman had been available in all the league games this season. He really was an absolute steal at £89m, it was quite laughable how easy he found it to run this game. A complete footballer.

It was the returning Antonio Valencia who put United in front, a real collector’s item too: A goal from his left peg! He collected Pogba’s ball before shifting it and curling it home for his 3^rd league strike of the campaign. We’ve missed him in his absence. Perhaps it was the potential arrival of the dog-shagging weirdo that is Sanchez that led to such a high-tempo start, with the attacking players keen to show Jose what they were about. United, full of confidence after the early goal, started to dominate possession and push Stoke back.

It’s the first time I’ve mentioned the away side, despite them being full of intrigue as well. After four and a half years of Mark Hughes, Stoke had fired him and appointed Paul Lambert, amazingly after an underwhelming spell with Wolves. It’s great being a British manager isn’t it? So many failures, so many opportunities. Mind, the dour Scot (is there any other kind?) did a superb job with Norwich which shouldn't be forgotten, no matter how eye-scratchingly bad his Villa team were to watch. either way, the new boss was at Old Trafford watching his new charges for the first time, and there weren’t many on show who must’ve given him much joy.

The exception would be Stephen Ireland, making his first start since spring 2015 after a series of horrific injuries. Not that I would normally be one to show sympathy to an ex-city, grandmother-lying waster, but it was nice to see him back, and he was Stoke’s best performer, along with Moritz Bauer, the debut right-back January purchase. Ireland was unlucky not to score after making a few blindside runs into the area. Unfortunately for him, his more talented but work-shy wide men Shaqiri and Choupo-Moting were invisible throughout, making Stoke anaemic up front. Ex-Red Darren Fletcher was sadly off the pace.

After the second goal was scored brilliantly by Martial when sweeping in Pogba’s pass from the edge of the area, Stoke seemed to give up, and the home side were not going to relinquish control. The £89m man was dictating play, dribbling through the midfield, switching play at will, always doing the unexpected, always wanting the ball. The only thing missing was a goal. Matic was also calm and assured, with Jones impressive and resolute at the back, and also having the poise to bring the ball out of defence.

The second half featured United struggling a little up to the hour mark, showing a little lack of intensity. I said aloud that Mata and in particular Lingard should be withdrawn. They both obviously heard me as they combined three times in the space of 5 minutes to try and get a third. First the Spaniard stroked a shot wide after Lingard had carried the ball, then after an enterprising burst from Luke Shaw the man-of-the-moment tapped back to Mata in a similar move to the first goal at Leicester. Only this time Mata blazed it over, and not long after he flicked in Lingard’s volley but he was way offside.

In the end it was Romelu Lukaku who scored the third, chesting down Martial’s pass, which was pinged in at pace, before using his body well against two defenders to create a little opening and smash home clinically. Classic centre-forward play. The big man had been terrific all game, and he seems to be hungry for goals again. He has 17 for the season now in all competitions, and that's no mean record.

Once again my pleas to get Pogba off for rest was ignored, and you can bet a muscle injury will be forthcoming as his all-action, complete display didn’t stop when the score became 3-0. Maybe for Matic as well, who only when he went off against Watford has been spared 90 minutes since joining. Still, it was nice for McTominay to get more minutes, Fellaini to be back, and Rashford almost scored after beating two men easily in his short time on the pitch. The kid is pure quality, even when out of form. United were on auto-pilot for the last 10 minutes as we just saw it out. A lovely 90 minutes, even against relegation fodder.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 8, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 7; Pogba 9, Matic 7.5; Mata 7.5 (McTominay 83), Lingard 6 (Fellaini 80, 6), Martial 8 (Rashford 80, 6.5); Lukaku 8.