Yeovil 0-4 Manchester United FA Cup 4th Round

Yeovil 0-4 Manchester United (Rashford 41, Herrera 61, Lingard 89, Lukaku 90+3)

Some debuts live long in the memory, like Rooney’s vs Fenerbahce, or Ronaldo’s vs Bolton. Other debuts barely ever register even to those who were there. Whatever he does in his Old Trafford career, there won’t be many people who will turn to the side and wistfully reminisce about Alexis Sanchez’s bow at Huish Park, of all places. Yeovil fought hard on their evening in the sun, with the match live on the BBC on Friday night, complete with Arsenal alumnus Martin Keown sniping at our new number 7 at every possible moment. But United were business-like, professional and progressed quite comfortably into the 5^th Round of the Cup, without ever utterly dominating Yeovil. 
That was noteworthy as Yeovil sat 21^st in League Two at kick-off, the lowest ranked team remaining in the draw, but the much anticipated giant-killing was never likely, even though the Red Devils had a nervy first 20 minutes on a cabbage patch of a pitch that looked more suited to a primary school field than a stage befitting Sanchez.

The new buy was obviously the star attraction, his name and picture splattered everywhere, be it the match programme, the newspapers, and the TV trailers. Even United’s own propaganda machine seemed to forget there were 10 other players momentarily. But then, if you weren’t an ABU weirdo, you knew what the result was going to be; it was only natural the ex-Arsenal winger was granted the column inches. What were they going to write about – Yeovil? The Somerset team were pretty much ignored in the build-up, not that they minded much with the TV pounds flowing through the clubs’ coffers. It was three years ago that United had been here in the 3^rd round, with Herrera scoring that great instinctive goal on the turn. The Basque midfielder must surely put Yeovil just behind Zaragoza in his list of favourite clubs.

Yeovil started brightly, pressing a nervous looking United, who had made 10 changes from the win over Burnley with only Juan Mata keeping his place. (The most important players - Pogba, Jones, De Gea, Valencia and MARTIAL (!!!!) - were left at home.) Gradually though the team from the higher division found their feet and got the passing game flowing. Sanchez, stationed on the left but always looking to roam, seemed desperate to impress and whenever he got possession he showed off that burst of acceleration that has left defenders behind all over the world for the best part of a decade. I’m well aware it was only bloody Yeovil, but there was something about the way the tempo rose when the ball fell to him that was reminiscent of early Ronaldo. He also attempted audacious switches of play and through balls looking for the centre-forward Rashford, but most were over-hit and drifted out of play, leading to mocking cheers from the home crowd. Ah, yes. Our new man was booed throughout, getting a bit of the Sterling treatment. I do think if you asked the Yeovil fans (the ones who only swelled the crowd to see United, not the regulars) afterwards why they were giving him such a hostile reception they wouldn’t have a fucking clue, with a 52-year-old bloke probably muttering something about Sanchez being a ‘mercenary’. Never mind, they won’t see another game for a couple of years – at least until the next big home cup tie.

Still, at least he was trying things, as it couldn’t be avoided that a very expensive United team were being, shall we say, thoughtful in their passing. That’s a euphemism for slow and dull, by the way. It took until the deadlock was broken to assert our dominance but the goal itself was lucky, with Rashford’s poor touch from Sanchez’s ball falling to a defender, who then contrived to allow the Mancunian kid to steal in and tuck away the opener after beckoning his keeper to come and clear the ball when it was clear he had no intention of doing so. Forget League Two, this was barely Essex Combined Counties Division Four (West) level defending. How can you have such a lack of communication? The away end didn’t care, breathing a sigh of relief knowing the game was already done. I would suggest Rashford, going through a rotten run of form for the first time in his precocious career, didn’t mind how scrappy his goal was either.

For all the shouting, it pretty much was. Sure, Darmian, making his first appearance since the humbling at Bristol City, contrived to make some League Two cloggers look good with his flat fucking feet. Moreover, a couple of agricultural reducers challenges were put in on Alexis to the smug glee of Keown. But it was easy street for us, with the home crowd now quiet unless Sanchez had the ball, spending their time taking photos of the players they were abusing a few minutes before. The United fans created the atmosphere, with special attention given to Michael Carrick and the ‘hard to believe it’s not Scholes’ chant in celebration of the return of the club captain. After a heart scare, the lanky Geordie was back, calming the midfield down, admittedly against the gentlest of opponents. But no matter, for it was his first outing since Burton Albion in the Carabao Cup in September, and it was just nice to see him come through unscathed.

The game still needed a second goal though, and it duly came from a slick counter from our own corner. The ball was cleared to Mata who expertly controlled before waiting for Sanchez to carry the ball forward. Rashford made the decoy run, and the Chile superstar made the right decision to pick out Herrera, who controlled before converting with his left foot. Cue an arms-pumping celebration from another player who will take confidence from a goal after a hard time of his own recently.

Our new signing had showed off his footwork and dribbling skills but he had tired. (only natural after not starting recent Arsenal games with the move imminent) A bit more zest was needed and Mourinho, on his 55^th birthday, sent on Lingard and Lukaku after a couple of chances were spurned. There was a wait for the next goal, but it was worth it, for it was yet another sublime individual goal from Lingard, his 12^th of the season. How can you not love this guy, academy graduate and all, when he runs into the crowd after a scoring the third against Yeovil. No meaningless games for this lad. His determination to make an impact would not have gone unnoticed back on the dugout, with Mourinho likely to be deciding between Lingard and Mata to make way for Sanchez. After this run and finish from the Warrington wizard, the Spanish blogger surely sits on the bench at Wembley against Spurs in midweek.

The fourth goal came almost straight away with Herrera spotting the run of Marcos Rojo, of all people, in the inside left channel and the Argentine’s cross was volleyed smartly into the roof of the net by Lukaku for yet another goal. But far more pleasing was the little run from Angel Gomes, who had come on for fellow academy kid Rashford for only his second United appearance. The u17 World Cup winner received the ball on the left and beat the defender Ribery-style only to hit the side netting. It was only a glimpse, but the confidence he plays with at such a young age is so promising. Although, he’s still a few meat and potato dinners away from taking a place in a premier league side.  

Yeovil deserve credit but our 6^th successive clean sheet was always going to happen, and United march on once more. Carrick, Gomes, the goal-scorers, and Mourinho’s new contract which was signed on Thursday – there was a lot to be content with, even without mentioning the first Chilean to play for Manchester United. But let’s finish with him anyway. It wasn’t Rooney vs Fener. It wasn’t even Hernandez in the Community Shield. But Alexis Sanchez is a Red.

United (4-3-3) Romero 7; Darmian 5.5, Lindelof 6.5, Rojo 7, Shaw 6.5; Herrera 7, Carrick 6.5, McTominay 6; Mata 6.5 (Lukaku 65, 7), Rashford 6 (Gomes 88), Sanchez 7.5 (Lingard 72, 7.5).

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United (Martial 54)

 

A rather sleepy Saturday afternoon in Lancashire was ignited by Anthony Martial’s superb winning goal in the second half, to clinch another win to nil for Jose Mourinho’s men. It was a tough encounter, with defences on top, but once again United had our French flier to thank for keeping us on track.

This was not vintage United, but then it hardly ever is against the Burnley of Sean Dyche. We’ve never blown them away, either in 14-15 or since they got promoted the second time. Due to a neat quirk in the fixture list, the memories of Boxing Day, and being 2-0 down in no time at all, were fresh in the memories of the Reds. Or should that be the light greys, as United lined up in our god awful, make-your-eyes-bleed 2^nd kit again. Is this really what Adidas pay all those millions for? Oh fuck, I’m moaning about kits, I’m even sadder than I knew I was.

United rather laboured to the win, but that didn’t mean there weren’t impressive elements – like a 5^th consecutive clean sheet for us, since we last played Burnley. An amazing coincidence, but not as amazing as the commanding defending of Phil Jones. He has been pretty low down on the list of players receiving acclaim this campaign, yet there is no more consistent centre-back in the country. When he’s fit, of course. Mourinho has improved him, or rather restored him back to his late 2013 peak. It was difficult out there, with him being booed by the Turf Moor faithful throughout due to his Blackburn Rovers connections, but he came through it, and with his partner Smalling got us over the line amid a barrage of late balls into the box.

Mind, Burnley were never out of the game, and Icelandic international Gudmundsson hit the bar with a free-kick, plus the terrific James Tarkowski was mere inches away from getting contact on a low cross from the right late on. As an aside, Dyche must perform a big gravelly frightening laugh every time he see his former charge Michael Keane struggle for Everton knowing he had Tarkowski to come in and replace him and form a solid partnership with Ben Mee. Considering he lost Andre Gray to Watford as well, you have to tip your hat to resourcefulness of Dyche. Back to the game though, for all this pressure, United were comfortable, despite being pinned back. It was encouraging, and once again the cliché needs saying – last year, we would’ve drawn that game. It would’ve been our own fault though, as Pogba, Martial and sub Rashford all wasted chances to kill the contest in the second half.

This season has been harshly judged, thanks to Guardiola’s barely believable mob up the road breaking records with their potential points tally. But we’re alright, y’know. The big summer buy Lukaku has not been anywhere near as bad as has been suggested, and he proved his class again by providing the goal, demonstrating superb awareness and decision making to advance with the ball before stopping and finding Martial with a perfect ball. The number 11’s coolness in front of goal did the rest, placing the ball in the top corner with aplomb. That made it 3 league goals in as many games for Martial. The forward is improving all the time and his recent form, as well as his undeniable talent, will surely keep him in the team even if the dog-obsessive from the Emirates joins to add a certain individualism to the attack. By now, even as harsh a critic as Mourinho can no longer be evasive about the ability of our fleet-footed Frenchman. “Of course we are happy with him. We just want consistency, we know he has the talent”.

It is hard to dislike Dyche. Even when he makes a pithy remark about the different financial worlds the two teams were operating in (“The defining moment is an absolutely fantastic finish from a player they brought in for a lot of money” was how he described Martial’s winner to the BBC) I find him admirable. Yes, he may play the victim at times when it comes to referees, and he does revel much like Big Sam in the whole I-would-be-getting-a-lot-more-praise-if-i-was-foreign-and-exoctic bollocks. But at the same time, his team and his tactical awareness constantly leave me impressed. The world is good if you are a Burnley fan right now – at least until someone further up the food chain poaches their gaffer.

The only tiny little concern of note was that after his 3 match ban, Young was selected ahead of the in-form Luke Shaw at left-back in our only change from the win over Stoke. This decision was pretty straightforward in hindsight as the experienced utility man was fresh while his teammates had been exerted by the Christmas period, and after so many matches on the trot it seemed sensible to give Shaw a breather – after all, he hasn’t played many consecutive games since his leg break. However, given that Burnley away is no walk in the park, you would expect the strongest team, and if Young is still ahead of Shaw in the pecking order when everything is equal, it would worry me slightly. Although perhaps to prove that I should shut my clumsy mouth, Youngy was one of our best players, especially in transition to set up counters late on.

Arsene Wenger implied that Alexis Sanchez missed the 4-1 cakewalk at home to Palace because he was already on his way up north, and whatever the real truth, it does seem likely that by the time United visit League Two Yeovil, the Chilean will be a Man United player. Certainly, Emirates-bound Mkhitaryan was never in consideration for the starting XI here. This transfer saga has barely lasted a fortnight yet I’m already tired of it, and the press crap that comes with it, and the idea that Alexis must be a money grabbing mercenary to turn down Oil-rich Man City in favour of the biggest football club in the world. City trying to take the moral high ground over money (Sanchez would upset their wage structure, apparently) has been a twist in this soap opera I definitely didn’t see coming. It does look done at the time of writing however, quite incredible given the English press had decided he would be at the Etihad by now. So, United bringing in a world-class player in January you say? Aye mate, and a reality TV star will be President and all, you daft prick.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 7.5, Jones 8.5, Young 7.5; Pogba 6.5, Matic 7; Mata 5.5 (Fellaini 72, 6), Lingard 5.5 (Rashford 80, 5), Martial 8 (Herrera 90+4); Lukaku 7.5.

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke (Valencia 9, Martial 38, Lukaku 72)

It had been 10 days since Manchester United had last kicked a ball in anger against Derby in the cup, a rare long-ish break in the middle of the season which Jose Mourinho had taken to full advantage, spending much of the time in Dubai. The Portuguese gaffer gushed about the warm weather and the facilities, and a previously jaded United arrived for the Monday evening game refreshed. Off field matters had taken up the journalist’s attention during the lull, such as Mourinho’s war of words with Conte, (‘I don’t act like a clown’ “He has senile dementia” ‘I will never be banned for match-fixing’ “He is a little man”) and United’s seemingly on a whim pursuit of Alexis Sanchez.

The wantaway Arsenal flier was the talk of the terraces, and a compilation of his goals was even shown on MUTV. But the game kicked off with no deal looking imminent, although the Red Devils were in the driving seat. City had balked at the wage demands of the Chilean, and we had muscled in. The day before, after Arsenal’s loss at Bournemouth, Wenger had said Sanchez’s future would be resolved within 48 hours, but the Arsenal chief does say a lot of shite these days. Mkhitaryan was left out of the squad, after Jose had said he would be involved, amid speculation the Armenian would be going the other way to Sanchez. He has almost certainly played his last game for Manchester United.

While no one is sure about who exactly will be at Carrington in February, what you can bet your life on is Paul Pogba being United’s best player for the foreseeable future. The number 6 was sensational.

There are people who don’t rate Pogba, or at the very least believe he’s overhyped. This is baffling, as Pogba’s strengths are so obvious, even on his bad days. You don’t have to study him, like you do Busquets, to truly appreciate his impact on matches. No one who has watched him for more than a handful of games can have any doubt about his talent, so it must be bitterness, jealously, or good old fashioned ABU syndrome, that explains why he is not feted like De Bruyne.  

Speaking of the two-footed ginger, Pogba equalled his assists record for the season against Stoke, putting them both on 9. The Frenchman has played 10 less games though, due to his injuries and suspensions. After this win,  and City's first loss of the season on Sunday against Liverpool, the gap between the Manchester clubs was 12 points; it’s tempting to wonder what it would be if United’s talisman had been available in all the league games this season. He really was an absolute steal at £89m, it was quite laughable how easy he found it to run this game. A complete footballer.

It was the returning Antonio Valencia who put United in front, a real collector’s item too: A goal from his left peg! He collected Pogba’s ball before shifting it and curling it home for his 3^rd league strike of the campaign. We’ve missed him in his absence. Perhaps it was the potential arrival of the dog-shagging weirdo that is Sanchez that led to such a high-tempo start, with the attacking players keen to show Jose what they were about. United, full of confidence after the early goal, started to dominate possession and push Stoke back.

It’s the first time I’ve mentioned the away side, despite them being full of intrigue as well. After four and a half years of Mark Hughes, Stoke had fired him and appointed Paul Lambert, amazingly after an underwhelming spell with Wolves. It’s great being a British manager isn’t it? So many failures, so many opportunities. Mind, the dour Scot (is there any other kind?) did a superb job with Norwich which shouldn't be forgotten, no matter how eye-scratchingly bad his Villa team were to watch. either way, the new boss was at Old Trafford watching his new charges for the first time, and there weren’t many on show who must’ve given him much joy.

The exception would be Stephen Ireland, making his first start since spring 2015 after a series of horrific injuries. Not that I would normally be one to show sympathy to an ex-city, grandmother-lying waster, but it was nice to see him back, and he was Stoke’s best performer, along with Moritz Bauer, the debut right-back January purchase. Ireland was unlucky not to score after making a few blindside runs into the area. Unfortunately for him, his more talented but work-shy wide men Shaqiri and Choupo-Moting were invisible throughout, making Stoke anaemic up front. Ex-Red Darren Fletcher was sadly off the pace.

After the second goal was scored brilliantly by Martial when sweeping in Pogba’s pass from the edge of the area, Stoke seemed to give up, and the home side were not going to relinquish control. The £89m man was dictating play, dribbling through the midfield, switching play at will, always doing the unexpected, always wanting the ball. The only thing missing was a goal. Matic was also calm and assured, with Jones impressive and resolute at the back, and also having the poise to bring the ball out of defence.

The second half featured United struggling a little up to the hour mark, showing a little lack of intensity. I said aloud that Mata and in particular Lingard should be withdrawn. They both obviously heard me as they combined three times in the space of 5 minutes to try and get a third. First the Spaniard stroked a shot wide after Lingard had carried the ball, then after an enterprising burst from Luke Shaw the man-of-the-moment tapped back to Mata in a similar move to the first goal at Leicester. Only this time Mata blazed it over, and not long after he flicked in Lingard’s volley but he was way offside.

In the end it was Romelu Lukaku who scored the third, chesting down Martial’s pass, which was pinged in at pace, before using his body well against two defenders to create a little opening and smash home clinically. Classic centre-forward play. The big man had been terrific all game, and he seems to be hungry for goals again. He has 17 for the season now in all competitions, and that's no mean record.

Once again my pleas to get Pogba off for rest was ignored, and you can bet a muscle injury will be forthcoming as his all-action, complete display didn’t stop when the score became 3-0. Maybe for Matic as well, who only when he went off against Watford has been spared 90 minutes since joining. Still, it was nice for McTominay to get more minutes, Fellaini to be back, and Rashford almost scored after beating two men easily in his short time on the pitch. The kid is pure quality, even when out of form. United were on auto-pilot for the last 10 minutes as we just saw it out. A lovely 90 minutes, even against relegation fodder.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 8, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 7; Pogba 9, Matic 7.5; Mata 7.5 (McTominay 83), Lingard 6 (Fellaini 80, 6), Martial 8 (Rashford 80, 6.5); Lukaku 8.

Manchester United 2-0 Derby County Fa Cup 3rd Round

Manchester United 2-0 Derby (Lingard 84, Lukaku 90)

United were almost held to a replay by a determined effort from the Championship team and their keeper Scott Carson, but in the end, Jesse Lingard ensured the progression of the 12 times winners after yet another worldie. Lingard's brilliant 25-yard late opener was swiftly followed by a Lukaku goal after great work from Martial, making the final score look pretty comfortable, yet for much of this Friday evening the Old Trafford crowd were anxious that the win would not be forthcoming.

I didn't actually watch this game.* Neither did anyone else who wasn't at the ground (at least, not legally) as the BBC had put the Merseyside derby on instead, although United's kick-off time still had to move due to city being drawn at home as well. So the longstanding run of televised cup ties was at an end, but the idea that United didn't give a crap about the cup was quashed straight away when Mourinho picked a very strong XI, with only 5 changes from the Everton win. The keepers were rotated, Smalling and Blind came in at the back, and Marcus Rashford and Mkhitaryan replaced Martial and the rested Matic. A very healthy crowd of over 73,000, helped by almost 10,000 from the East Midlands, was further evidence that the club cared deeply about this competition. Just don't mention 1999/2000.

The game itself was essentially just an attack vs defence training exercise. Gary Rowett's team had very little ambition - although this isn't a criticism, just an observation on the realities of the match. Although the Rams are pushing for promotion (again), the sense that they would be content with a replay and money in the bank was palpable. They only ever attacked on the break, with ex-red Tom Lawrence showing his ball carrying ability. Nonetheless, it was a quiet evening for Sergio Romero, as it was Derby's organisation and structure that was worthy of praise rather than any offensive flair.

Rashford, out of form and going through his first real tough time, looked sharp and keen from the off. His pace was too much for the opponents and he was constantly asking questions of the defence. Trouble was, he never looked like making the net bulge. Instead he blazed over and wide, or found himself stopped by Carson, a bad touch, or the woodwork (twice). The focus of the anger on Twitter afterwards for his misses and perceived selfishness, Marcus would do well to ask himself the question of how many 19 or 20 year olds earn the trust of Mourinho. The kid is special, and never hid or let the misses effect him. He's played non stop since his debut for club and country, and my theory is he's tired. The lad just needs to be taken out of the firing line for a bit, and tune out from all the reactionary shit.

Having said all that, his miss in the first half from a Mkhitaryan cross (the only thing the out of sorts Armenian did before being hooked at the break, an act Mourinho apologised for in his presser, but one that hardly reflected well on the midfielder given he said Rashford was never going to score in the same conference) was a cast-iron sitter; he just had to nod it in from 5 yards, but managed to hit the post. He was hardly alone in his profligacy though, with Mata amongst the others also unable to find the onion bag. Both the Spaniard and Pogba went close with free-kicks, but Scott Carson was in inspired form.

More than a decade has passed since his error against Niko Kranjcar and Croatia, but you get the sense that he never truly recovered. Haunted by the spectre of that national humiliation that really that fake Dutch twat Steve Mclaren should take the blame for, his career has drifted after West Brom, but there was a flash of the old Carson here, showing off the athleticism and reflexes that interested Liverpool when he was barely out of his teens.

Tony Marshall's loving Jesse's form as much as the rest of us

As the game wore on, Derby grew in confidence, venturing out of defence more often. Mourinho had brought on Lukaku and Martial to try and force an opening, but it just made the Stretford End feel nauseous at the thought of a late sucker punch. Those fears seemed to be alleviated when Herrera and Lingard helped to play in Rashford, but the young tyro shot against the post with Carson finally beaten.

When Pogba dragged an effort wide after Lingard was denied by the keeper, it had the feeling of 'one of those nights', but United kept on trying, and Lukaku tapped back Martial's forward pass to Lingard, who rifled it in the top corner before any Derby defenders could blink. Terrific. That made it 8 goals in his last 10 appearances now for the Warrington Wizard, and the crowd (well, most of them) breathed a sigh of relief. Lukaku finished off a one-two with Martial, and the Reds celebrated hard as the win, and no replay, meant they were off to Dubai for a bit of warm-weather training. Well, that's the belated silver lining to the Bristol City loss then.

The attention afterwards, with a hat tip in the direction of Derby and Rowett of course, was very much focused on our number 14 who's in the form of his life. Mourinho waxed lyrical about Lionel Jesse post match. "He's in a moment of confidence where things go well for him. He's a good professional and a fantastic kid in the dressing room". It isn't just the goals - although they are important and of an outstandingly high quality - but the confidence he is showing, feeling like he deserves the stage of United now. At 25, Lingard can no longer be regarded as a promising youngster. It's time to deliver, and boy, currently he is rivalling the postmen in that department.

United (4-2-3-1) Romero 6.5; Lindelof 6, Smalling 6, Blind 6.5, Shaw 6.5; Herrera 6, Pogba 6.5; Mata 7 (Martial 67, 7.5) Lingard 8.5, Mkhitaryan 5 (Lukaku 46, 7.5); Rashford 6 (Fellaini 80).

*I was at the theatre, watching 'The play that goes wrong'. Would recommend it. Almost as funny as Liverpool's league drought reaching 28 years this year, in my opinion.

Everton V Manchester United New Year's Day

Everton 0-2 Man Utd (Martial 57, Lingard 81)

Just 48 hours after Southampton, United were in action yet again. I spent these 90 minutes drifting in and out of sleep after a heavy New Year’s Eve that had denied me slumber and left me in a zombie like state. Isn’t the Christmas period great?

Yes, yes it is, although not for the 2017-18 Old Trafford vintage. 3 consecutive draws and 6 points dropped meant there was all sorts of pressure on the Everton match. But the players delivered, with two wonderful goals sealing the points to open up 2018 in style.

Having not actually seen a large chunk of the last two matches, it is difficult to form a critical analysis. I’ll settle for the freeing up of Paul Pogba as the main reason this game was won. The side he captained lined up in a 4-3-3 for the first time in ages, with Pogba occupying the left hand channel that was so successful at for Juventus. Maybe after the triple draws, Mourinho had decided to get more out of his most talented player, or perhaps it was just the formation which fitted the Christmas period rotation, with Herrera coming in for his first start in the league since West Brom. Lindelof played at right back again, deputising for Young, starting a 3 game ban for his sneaky little elbow on Tadic. Hardly worth a multiple match ban usually reserved for violent conduct, mind. Rojo came in for him, Lukaku missed out with concussion for Martial, and Mkhitaryan was dropped.

Having two men holding the fort in midfield made the difference for Pogba. He showed off his full array of skills – the driving forward from deep, the coming in to open up the pitch from the left wing, the neat footwork and stepovers when 1 v 1 with defenders, the full range of his passing. In particular, it was the disguise on some of his passes that helped create chances.

The first half was tough and passed by with little incident. Big Sam’s newly resilient Everton side were flying into tackles and playing very deep. But as the game wore on, a tiring team began to leave gaps, where Pogba seized the initiative. United were a different side after the break, presumably after a bollocking from Mourinho. Maybe the players just needed time for their New Year’s hangovers to wear off.

Talking of hangovers, we’re used to a certain Mr Rooney dropping his levels over the festive fixtures, and he wasn’t very effective against his old club, apart from helping us break the deadlock when he gave it away to set up the first goal. United countered, and Pogba deftly poked a no look pass into the path of Martial, who opened up his body Thierry Henry style to place it into the top corner.

It had been coming, with Mata hitting the bar with a 25 yard drive, and Pickford saving from a similar shot as well- Mata had momentarily become Ronaldo, see. Pogba and Jesse Lingard also forced saves from the young England keeper, as we began to really turn the screw.

Rooney had received a warm reception from the travelling support, consisting of applause when he came to take corners, chanting of his name, cheers when his name was announced on the PA, and frequent renditions of ‘I saw my mate’. The articles afterwards focused on the ironic YSB’s, as is their wont, to paint United fans as ‘classless’ in their treatment of our record goalscorer. Hated, adored, never ignored and all that.

Lingard is another used to da h8ers, sometimes from his home crowd, or at least, the internet United fans from other continents. Not from me though – nothing makes me happier than local United fans coming through from the academy to live their dream, and no one is loving his devastating form more than me. He continued his purple patch with another thunderbastard, accelerating away from his old mate Michael Keane to launch it top bins and seal the points. What a fucking player. 7 League goals for the season, 10 in all competitions. Fergie always said he would be a late developer.

So, all good vibes on New Year’s Day. Luke Shaw had completed 3 games in 7 days, Pogba was at his dominating best, two lovely goals, and back to winning ways. Happy New Year.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Lindelof 6, Jones 7, Rojo 6.5, Shaw 7; Herrera 6, Matic 6, Pogba 8.5; Mata 7.5 (Tuanzebe 90+2), Martial 7 (Rashford 77, 6), Lingard 8 (Blind 87).

sssshhhhh