Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea Sunday 25th Feb 2018

Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea (Lukaku 39, Lingard 75) (Willian 32)

 

 
Yerrrrrrs. A massive, massive result, against a fellow top 6 rival, coming from behind, and a feather in Mourinho’s cap in his spat with Antonio Conte. It wasn’t a vintage 90 minutes, with a general lack of quality and pace on show on a surprisingly hot and sunny day in Manchester. Both teams looked tired after having played in the Champions League midweek, but thanks to Romelu Lukaku and Jesse Lingard, United went home happier.

After Herrera’s injury in Spain, Pogba obviously started, but it was the continuing selection of academy man Scott McTominay that was the talking point. The manager had obviously decided 4-3-3 was necessary. It looked like, given Fellaini’s injuries and Carrick’s lack of legs, our strongest team to contain Chelsea. Jones, Rojo and Blind were still out. Martial came in for Mata to play on the left, with Sanchez finally stationed on the right.

What of the Champions? Things are still going well for them in the Champions League - with a creditable 1-1 draw against Barcelona – and the FA Cup, but all is not well at the Bridge, especially behind the scenes where a battle for transfer supremacy is ongoing. Their season has generally been ok bar the odd hiccup, and they remain a quality team directed by a top passionate coach with an enviable CV. It looked even more impressive once the little skulduggery that once blighted it had been wiped out thanks to ‘rigorous’ investigation when Italian national boss. Ahem.

Events started with a bang with Morata (who many United fans would’ve preferred in the summer over Lukaku) hitting the woodwork almost straight away from a wicked Marcos Alonso cross. United did look strong out there though, the team looking fired up for the challenge. By contrast, the crowd was crap, disappointingly. You could only hear the away fans, strange really, it should’ve been a cauldron for this especially given Mourinho and Conte’s recent war of words.

Initially, Anthony Martial was our out ball, mainly from the left half-space from Pogba passes. A couple of times he was allowed a run at Chelsea’s centre-backs with Moses nowhere after we had won back possession. From one of these breaks Alexis Sanchez had a golden chance, but after controlling in the box at pace, he could only tap the ball towards the keeper with his right peg, when he probably should’ve hit it with his left.

Lingard and Pogba celebrate the number 14's goal

 

There was a pattern though – Matic wins it, United work it to Pogba in his favourite area in the left-centre, and he either drove us up the pitch by himself or spread it wide to Martial. It was such a joy to see our best player in his best position, able to link up with Martial. The winger unfortunately drifted out of the game, but it wasn’t for lack of touches, with Pogba constantly in the position to give it to him.

Chelsea’s attacks were led by Willian, in great form recently. Together with partner in crime Eden Hazard, he was a constant threat on the break with his direct vertical running, so explosive in transition. With Fabregas left on the bench, Chelsea did not build-up play particularly well, with the workmanlike midfield of Drinkwater and Kante instead looking to hit long for Morata who was not holding the ball up with any certainty. Thus, almost by default it was on the break where they were getting joy.

Chelsea were the better side in the first half, and they got their reward in a flowing counter from a United corner, beating a poorly executed offside trap. It was taken fucking short, despite the height we had in the box, given away, and Willian came away with the ball. He exchanged passes with Hazard, streaking away from McTominay, and hammered it past De Gea, despite his shot being pretty close to our keeper. He would kick himself, but It was the sort of shot one might complain about in the park for being too hard, to be fair to De Gea.

So, we were losing at home to a rival and the crowd was threatening to turn. Thankfully for us, Lukaku rose to the occasion to draw us level, finishing off an intricate move. Red Rom hadn’t scored against any of the top six this season, so this was overdue in a way, but that seems harsh. Instead we should celebrate the striker ending his dry spell against the elite, this despite him initially losing the ball due to an errant first touch. But Matic drove a low pass at Alexis, who turned instantly before laying the ball into Martial in the box, who we know has outstanding close control and touch in positions like that – seen in Lingard’s first goal against Arsenal earlier on in the season. The winger moved it on to Lukaku, whose first touch with his right foot took the ball away from Alonso’s challenge, allowing him to pass it into the corner with his left to make it 22 in all competitions. Brilliant.

The half ended with us on top, flying into tackles and Matic and Pogba thoroughly dominant, dribbling through the middle. Hazard had not had the ball as much as he is used to, thanks mainly to McTominay being instructed to stand on his toes and follow him round. It wasn’t an obvious job, like Herrera did in this fixture last year, but it was noticeable how many times it was the 6”4 Lancastrian who engaged first with Hazard, no matter where he received the ball.

The second half was all United as we put in an unbelievable demonstration of control, battling hard, winning the ball quickly, and setting our attackers away. The improvement was frightening, and we completely deserved the eventual win.

The towering Matic put in his best performance for ages, determined to show his former club what they were missing. With Pogba, carrying the ball at will, he bossed the midfield completely. While seeing him three times ghost past ‘world class’ Kante like a competitive dad versus his 3 year old son was hilarious, it was the moments when Pogba did not have to beat a man that was noticeable. Chelsea had failed to track Pogba’s runs, and were now often forced to hack clear the Frenchman’s attempted final balls. 3 in midfield suits us better, allowing Matic to go through games without blowing hard and freeing up Pogba to create.

Panna!

 

We can’t ignore Pogba treating Kante like his bitch every time they got 1 on 1 though. To think that our number 6 is often compared to that glorified marathon runner… he seemed determined to show who was boss. With a neat stepover he slipped past the Chelsea man, who promptly hacked him down for a yellow card, unable to compete with Pogba. He also got nutmegged in the second half, from a flick pass on the edge of the box. In direct opposition, there was no contest.

Lukaku was giving everything, his hold up play exemplary, his pace and power unreal. He was man of the match, completely answering his critics (like me) that he never does it against the big clubs. He was making the ball stick, laying the ball off to his colleagues, and never giving Chelsea’s three centre-backs a moment rest.

Sanchez hadn’t been amazing, often losing the ball for us by attempting a high-risk pass or dribble. But the genius was still on show, with a world class dig out cross from nothing for Lukaku to go close with a scissor kick. Courtois tipped it over, but United had the wind behind them.

Lingard was sent on and immediately energised things with his movement. United pushed further forward, seeking the winner, but this led to gaps for Chelsea. A 30 yarder from Drinkwater was parried away by De Gea poorly, and then he almost spilled a fairly simple and mild Willian free-kick over his own goal-line. A rare human performance for De Gea then, spilling everything, but in his defence the sun was in his eyes all second half and he was constantly putting his arm over his forehead to try and catch the flight of balls in the air. Why was some lackey not sent to his goal to chuck him a cap?

United went in front with a terrific goal. McTominay floated the ball forward, expertly spotting Lukaku’s run to the right hand side. He used his strength to hold off a challenge before a neat bit of footwork saw him make room for a delicious pin point cross onto the head of Lingard, who converted deftly. His late run had completely surprised Christensen. Another Lionel Jesse header! What a moment for the sub, and what a season he’s having. 2-1, and the Stretford End found its voice, expressing their gratitude to the Warrington Wizard. The atmosphere soon turned nervous again though, as almost straight from the kick off Willian ran on to a through ball and tried to catch De Gea out at his near post, but he denied him safely this time.

 

Conte didn’t waste time once Lingard’s 13^th goal in all competitions hit the net. He took off Moses for Giroud and went two up front, and long ball, keen to see if having two tall strikers on the field could create some knock downs for his side. A few minutes later, Fabregas was on as well to supply the ammunition.

In response to Conte’s changes, Mourinho went ultra-defensive and brought on Bailly for Sanchez, switching to 5-3-1-1. It made sense, but it led to an obvious change in the momentum, with Chelsea now taking control of the ball. Thankfully for us, Fabregas had been brought on far too late. By the time he’d got into the flow of the game, pinging passes around, United had adjusted to our new formation and were looking solid as a rock. The defence, and our gaffer, deserve credit for holding out against the Blues and their last ditch attacks on our goal. 

One more chance for United transpired when Lukaku picked up a loose ball inside his own half after United had hacked clear. He turned and accelerated, pushing the ball miles clear of him, leaving Chelsea defenders in his wake with his turn of speed and sudden burst. Up against the whole defence on his own, he got a shot off, blocked and out for an attacking throw-in, a perfect way to let the seconds tick by. It was the side of Lukaku we had rarely seen – picking up from deep and driving forward – given he’s usually wanting the ball in behind and is unwilling to get involved in the action too far away from goal. But perhaps the incredible run was a sign of things to come, that he can do his own heavy lifting at times.

At the other end, United were very lucky that Morata was flagged offside wrongly when hitting the back of the net to steal an equaliser. Mind, the United backline had stopped when the flag came up, so we will never know if Morata had got the space to score if the linesman never made the incorrect decision. Some fine timewasting at the end, particularly from Pogba and Lukaku, helped reduce Chelsea’s opportunities to launch it to their twin target men. One final chance came when a corner was conceded, but despite Courtois being up, the delivery was poor and Lingard duly smashed clear to the wonderful tone of the final whistle. Yes!



Judging by this pic, Sanchez has seemingly forgotten how terrifying celebrating a goal can be

If we play like we did in the second half every week, we would be right up there with City. Dynamic, energetic, clever runs and individual flair all combined in a greatest hits album. Lukaku, the title track in this already tortured metaphor, can be over the moon with his best game yet for United. Sure he scored one and made the other, but it was his all-round game, in a crucial match against one of the best defences, that really registered in my mind.

Martial was poor, and it has to be said that sometimes it is galling that Lingard outperforms him, someone with a third of his ability. It was frustrating seeing how little the ex-Monaco man moved off the ball – always wanting it to feet, rather than run in behind. The contrast with Lingard was stark; everything sped up when he came on, making an impact off the bench that is customary these days. He does seem to lift the team considerably on occasions. Of course, Lingard’s deficiencies in talent lead to some indifferent displays, like at Newcastle or against Spurs at Wembley. But he has, against the odds, made himself a cornerstone of the squad.

Some of the criticisms of Martial are ridiculous – for instance, the allegation that he doesn’t smile enough, and thus doesn’t want to be here and is miserable – but it has to be said his body language doesn’t give off a great vibe. When he was hooked, he fucking strolled off, at 1-1, when we had the momentum… it wasn’t a good look. (It was the type of petulant shit that Nani got hammered for. No danger of that given our cringe fanbase led by ‘Martial FC’ weirdos on twitter). This maybe is nit-picking, given that with the exception of decision making, Martial is among the best in the world for his age and seemingly only mental barriers will prevent him becoming world class. Even here, his lightning quick feet gave him an assist for the first goal. But still, it wouldn’t kill the lad to look a bit more motivated. Not that Jose will care too much about any of this – Lingard’s winner made it 10 league goals off the bench for us this season, a league high, and evidence that more often than not, the manager gets his subs spot-on.

McTominay was a huge positive. He didn’t quite put Hazard in his pocket like some suggested (I mean the Belgian carved us open for their goal) but it was a very good man-marking job against such a skilful player. The young lad responded really well after not tracking Willlian for that goal to put in a mature performance. Sure, his passing lacks a bit of variety, but he was composed, and United looked a better side with him in it. The kid showed considerable nerve to play in such a big game so early in his career. The fact that Chelsea’s star man was taken off with the result on the line said everything as to how intelligent and diligent McTominay had been in carrying out the task set by Mourinho. He’d seen off Hazard!

It should be said out loud – 1-0 down, being outplayed, we managed to turn it around, take control, and grab the points. When did that last happen? We certainly don’t win many from a goal down, but the second half performance, and the very best of Lukaku, demanded the spoils. What a victory.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 5.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 6.5, Lindelof 7, Young 6; McTominay 7.5, Matic 8.5, Pogba 8.5; Sanchez 6.5 (Bailly 81, 6), Lukaku 9, Martial 5.5 (Lingard 64, 7.5).

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois 7; Azpilicueta 6.5, Christensen 6.5, Rudiger 6; Moses 5.5 (Giroud 78, 6), Drinkwater 6 (Fabregas 81, 6), Kante 6, Alonso 7; Willian 7.5, Hazard 6.5 (Pedro 73, 6); Morata 5.5.

Look at the passion from Lukaku against his old club. YANITED

Huddersfield 0-2 Manchester United FA Cup 5th Round

Huddersfield 0-2 Manchester United (Lukaku 3, 55)

Don’t mention the VAR. United strolled in to the quarters of the FA Cup by brushing aside Huddersfield thanks to two quality goals from Romelu Lukaku, although little attention was given to this fact afterwards, as the media spun themselves into bother over Pogba, Jose, and VAR. Oh My.

Big changes, six of them, were made from the Newcastle loss. De Gea and Valencia were rested; Jones, Martial and Lingard, dropped. Oh, and Paul Pogba. There was something wonderfully ironic about United lining up without Pogba in the squad. Just a day before, Mourinho had used his press conference to dismiss the suggestions that he had any problems with his star man as “lies”. Instead, United had three in midfield that did not inspire confidence, what with Scott McTominay and Michael Carrick being at opposite ends of the age scale, and Nemanja Matic looking increasingly drawn as the season goes on. The excuse was that Pogba was ill on the day of the game, and that did seem plausible given young Ethan Hamilton from the youth team appeared as one of the subs out of nowhere as a last minute replacement. I’m sure a few giggles were had about the fact United had finally switched to a midfield trio and then left out the man it was meant to accommodate. With a trip to Sevilla on Wednesday, Pogba’s absence left more questions than answers.

As did the awful system of the video assistant referee (VAR). This might sound like sour grapes, given that it was my team who had a goal chalked off, especially galling as it was lovely-looking, well-mannered, charity-founding, sensitive-lover Juan Mata that was kept off the scoresheet. But just look at the wait, the energy being sucked from the crowd during the delay, the confusion amongst the players… and for what - the sake of millimetres? True, Mata’s kneecap was offside. But if it had been allowed to stand, would there have been any complaint, given how tight the margin was? Pundits were still claiming it was onside, albeit wrongly, hours after the event. I think that the thing I dislike most about VAR is it is clearly an initiative for the fans watching on TV, and not the match attendees, i.e. the only people that actually matter. The FA and the Premier League must ask themselves whether an extra ~5% of accuracy on offsides is worth yet another reduction in the matchday experience for the humble fan. Don’t get me started on using it for penalties, or red cards – infringements that inherently come down to an individual ref’s interpretation of the law! There have been infamous dives or red card decisions that are still debated years later, how can VAR help there? At least the Huddersfield boss David Wagner agrees with me. “Yes, the decision went in our favour but this VAR for me kills the emotion of the game. This is why I don’t like it – but I am not the person who makes the decision”. Well, in my opinion, VAR belongs in the bin with XG. Kick nerds out of football.

Anyway… United bounced back quickly from the Newcastle defeat, and with 2 minutes and 36 seconds on the clock, they were leading, courtesy of Lukaku. It was a lovely goal, he had held it up in the first place, before laying off to Mata and running in behind. The Spaniard’s through ball found our big Belgian, who cut inside onto his right foot before sliding it past Lossl. It demonstrated all his attributes – the holdup play, the pace, the power, and the supreme finishing. Terrific centre forward play. The home side responded, with Tom Ince steering an effort wide on the turn after springing an awful offside trap. Despite having such an early advantage, United struggled in the opening 15 minutes, unable to string three passes together, and giving it away for fun. We were losing the midfield battle, with Matic out of sorts, McTominay showing a lack of quality and Carrick more tortoise than hare.

At least the United fans were in great voice, using their big FA Cup allocation to its fullest. ‘It’s Carrick, y’know’ was getting a hearty airing in celebration at the club captain actually starting a game of football. Maybe they were trying to distract from the dreck on show in Yorkshire, with United very defensive, and conceding territory by sitting deep. We were looking more like a bunch of individuals than a team, with a real lack of intensity. Still, at least the home side were shite, completely incapable of punishing us. Their only threat in Mounier was being bested in a few battles in an entertaining war with Chris Smalling in the air. It was noteworthy that Smalling was attacking everything, perhaps determined to prove a point after his shambles of a performance at Newcastle. Matic however had a shocking first half, not knowing what to do with the ball at his feet, and looking quite weak. It is to his credit that he emerged after the break improved, finding his feet and passing confidently.

The VAR incident happened on the stroke of half-time, with Young making an enterprising run at right-back then slipping the ball inside, where Mata went round the keeper and tapped in for our second goal. Or so we thought, for as Mata wheeled away in celebration, the ref signalled he was listening to his mates watching a screen fucking miles away. Farcically, BT Sport were fed incorrect images featuring swiggly lines that weren’t parallel to the 18 yard box to judge an offside. Not a good look at all for VAR, although that wasn’t how the decision was actually made, thank Christ. The goal was overturn and the United fans were aghast – but I’ve said my piece on this incoherent system, we still had a match to win.

Just before the whistle, Matic finished a free-kick but this goal was disallowed –normally this time! – For a big offside, but it gave United momentum in the second period. There was an increased aggression, and United were rewarded with a second goal right out of the top-drawer. From our own corner, the ball was cleared to Lukaku. He played a superbly timed one-two with Alexis, before running through and converting nicely. 21 for the season now for Red Rom, who consistently makes the difference for us against the lower teams. If he can crack it against the cream of the crop we would have one hell of a centre-forward on our hands. As for our big January buy and new number seven, he is clearly taking time to get used to his teammates, but even at his lowest he can provide these moments of flair.

Mata, Alexis and United in general were purring now, always on the break, pushing the home team back, looking for a third goal to kill them. It didn’t come, partly as the last 10 minutes were played out sensibly rather than explosively, partly as often the final ball was erratic, despite the real threat posed by Mata’s passing and intelligence. Nevertheless it didn’t bother those United fans who were in top form. A week after yet another brace against PSG at the very apex (the CL latter stages) of the game, Cristiano Ronaldo got serenaded, which warmed my cold heart. ‘Viva Ronaldo’ and ‘He plays on the left’ were sung with gusto, before the traditional ‘Que Sera, Sera…’ was belted out as United reached the Quarters of the Cup for the fourth year in succession. And that’s no mean record.

Afterwards Mourinho lavished more praise on McTominay, who is starting to appear like his personal project. (Or perhaps, one might harshly argue, an exaggerated sham perpetrated solely to prove that despite his reputation he can play young players from the academy and does care about the growth of kids.) He said the new Scottish manager Alex McLeish should come straight to him to get him tied down to Scotland, internationally. Also, this: “I think Scott deserves more than what he is getting. Maybe it’s because he’s this kind of kid profile: a normal haircut, no tattoos, no big cars, no big watches, humble kid, arrive in the club when he was nine or 10”. No prizes for guessing who that *may* refer to. Still, how great for the kid to be the recipient of so much approval. There were kind words for Eric Bailly and his welcome return as well, coming on in the dying embers of the match for his first appearance since the loss at Stamford Bridge on the 5^th of November.

There was a neat postscript as to our potential cup opponents as well. For not only were Tottenham taken to a replay by League Two Rochdale after a stoppage-time equaliser, but deliciously, the Greatest Team Ever Seen in English Football were humbled again, 1-0 by Wigan Athletic. Now that they’re in the third tier, it probably was a far bigger one off result than the 2013 cup final shock or the following year giant-killing of Pellegrini’s team at the Ethiad. And old Pep doesn’t take kindly to losing, oh no. The precious cunt completely lost his head, engaging in a pretty childish scrap with his Wigan counterpart at half-time after Delph was sent off. At the final whistle, the Berties decided to throw advertising hoardings at policeman. Despite their lottery win, they will always be poor little bitter city.

Onwards to Sevilla, and the competition Mourinho previously defined himself by. After City and Liverpool smashed Basel and Porto respectively, and Spurs got a very creditable 2-2 at Juventus, the pressure is on us to perform as well. Time to deliver.

United (4-1-4-1) Romero 7; Young 6.5, Smalling 7.5, Lindelof 6, Shaw 6.5; Carrick 6; Mata 7.5 (Lingard 81), McTominay 6, Matic 6, Sanchez 6.5 (Martial 75, 6); Lukaku 8 (Bailly 90+3).

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United (Martial 54)

 

A rather sleepy Saturday afternoon in Lancashire was ignited by Anthony Martial’s superb winning goal in the second half, to clinch another win to nil for Jose Mourinho’s men. It was a tough encounter, with defences on top, but once again United had our French flier to thank for keeping us on track.

This was not vintage United, but then it hardly ever is against the Burnley of Sean Dyche. We’ve never blown them away, either in 14-15 or since they got promoted the second time. Due to a neat quirk in the fixture list, the memories of Boxing Day, and being 2-0 down in no time at all, were fresh in the memories of the Reds. Or should that be the light greys, as United lined up in our god awful, make-your-eyes-bleed 2^nd kit again. Is this really what Adidas pay all those millions for? Oh fuck, I’m moaning about kits, I’m even sadder than I knew I was.

United rather laboured to the win, but that didn’t mean there weren’t impressive elements – like a 5^th consecutive clean sheet for us, since we last played Burnley. An amazing coincidence, but not as amazing as the commanding defending of Phil Jones. He has been pretty low down on the list of players receiving acclaim this campaign, yet there is no more consistent centre-back in the country. When he’s fit, of course. Mourinho has improved him, or rather restored him back to his late 2013 peak. It was difficult out there, with him being booed by the Turf Moor faithful throughout due to his Blackburn Rovers connections, but he came through it, and with his partner Smalling got us over the line amid a barrage of late balls into the box.

Mind, Burnley were never out of the game, and Icelandic international Gudmundsson hit the bar with a free-kick, plus the terrific James Tarkowski was mere inches away from getting contact on a low cross from the right late on. As an aside, Dyche must perform a big gravelly frightening laugh every time he see his former charge Michael Keane struggle for Everton knowing he had Tarkowski to come in and replace him and form a solid partnership with Ben Mee. Considering he lost Andre Gray to Watford as well, you have to tip your hat to resourcefulness of Dyche. Back to the game though, for all this pressure, United were comfortable, despite being pinned back. It was encouraging, and once again the cliché needs saying – last year, we would’ve drawn that game. It would’ve been our own fault though, as Pogba, Martial and sub Rashford all wasted chances to kill the contest in the second half.

This season has been harshly judged, thanks to Guardiola’s barely believable mob up the road breaking records with their potential points tally. But we’re alright, y’know. The big summer buy Lukaku has not been anywhere near as bad as has been suggested, and he proved his class again by providing the goal, demonstrating superb awareness and decision making to advance with the ball before stopping and finding Martial with a perfect ball. The number 11’s coolness in front of goal did the rest, placing the ball in the top corner with aplomb. That made it 3 league goals in as many games for Martial. The forward is improving all the time and his recent form, as well as his undeniable talent, will surely keep him in the team even if the dog-obsessive from the Emirates joins to add a certain individualism to the attack. By now, even as harsh a critic as Mourinho can no longer be evasive about the ability of our fleet-footed Frenchman. “Of course we are happy with him. We just want consistency, we know he has the talent”.

It is hard to dislike Dyche. Even when he makes a pithy remark about the different financial worlds the two teams were operating in (“The defining moment is an absolutely fantastic finish from a player they brought in for a lot of money” was how he described Martial’s winner to the BBC) I find him admirable. Yes, he may play the victim at times when it comes to referees, and he does revel much like Big Sam in the whole I-would-be-getting-a-lot-more-praise-if-i-was-foreign-and-exoctic bollocks. But at the same time, his team and his tactical awareness constantly leave me impressed. The world is good if you are a Burnley fan right now – at least until someone further up the food chain poaches their gaffer.

The only tiny little concern of note was that after his 3 match ban, Young was selected ahead of the in-form Luke Shaw at left-back in our only change from the win over Stoke. This decision was pretty straightforward in hindsight as the experienced utility man was fresh while his teammates had been exerted by the Christmas period, and after so many matches on the trot it seemed sensible to give Shaw a breather – after all, he hasn’t played many consecutive games since his leg break. However, given that Burnley away is no walk in the park, you would expect the strongest team, and if Young is still ahead of Shaw in the pecking order when everything is equal, it would worry me slightly. Although perhaps to prove that I should shut my clumsy mouth, Youngy was one of our best players, especially in transition to set up counters late on.

Arsene Wenger implied that Alexis Sanchez missed the 4-1 cakewalk at home to Palace because he was already on his way up north, and whatever the real truth, it does seem likely that by the time United visit League Two Yeovil, the Chilean will be a Man United player. Certainly, Emirates-bound Mkhitaryan was never in consideration for the starting XI here. This transfer saga has barely lasted a fortnight yet I’m already tired of it, and the press crap that comes with it, and the idea that Alexis must be a money grabbing mercenary to turn down Oil-rich Man City in favour of the biggest football club in the world. City trying to take the moral high ground over money (Sanchez would upset their wage structure, apparently) has been a twist in this soap opera I definitely didn’t see coming. It does look done at the time of writing however, quite incredible given the English press had decided he would be at the Etihad by now. So, United bringing in a world-class player in January you say? Aye mate, and a reality TV star will be President and all, you daft prick.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 7.5, Jones 8.5, Young 7.5; Pogba 6.5, Matic 7; Mata 5.5 (Fellaini 72, 6), Lingard 5.5 (Rashford 80, 5), Martial 8 (Herrera 90+4); Lukaku 7.5.

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke (Valencia 9, Martial 38, Lukaku 72)

It had been 10 days since Manchester United had last kicked a ball in anger against Derby in the cup, a rare long-ish break in the middle of the season which Jose Mourinho had taken to full advantage, spending much of the time in Dubai. The Portuguese gaffer gushed about the warm weather and the facilities, and a previously jaded United arrived for the Monday evening game refreshed. Off field matters had taken up the journalist’s attention during the lull, such as Mourinho’s war of words with Conte, (‘I don’t act like a clown’ “He has senile dementia” ‘I will never be banned for match-fixing’ “He is a little man”) and United’s seemingly on a whim pursuit of Alexis Sanchez.

The wantaway Arsenal flier was the talk of the terraces, and a compilation of his goals was even shown on MUTV. But the game kicked off with no deal looking imminent, although the Red Devils were in the driving seat. City had balked at the wage demands of the Chilean, and we had muscled in. The day before, after Arsenal’s loss at Bournemouth, Wenger had said Sanchez’s future would be resolved within 48 hours, but the Arsenal chief does say a lot of shite these days. Mkhitaryan was left out of the squad, after Jose had said he would be involved, amid speculation the Armenian would be going the other way to Sanchez. He has almost certainly played his last game for Manchester United.

While no one is sure about who exactly will be at Carrington in February, what you can bet your life on is Paul Pogba being United’s best player for the foreseeable future. The number 6 was sensational.

There are people who don’t rate Pogba, or at the very least believe he’s overhyped. This is baffling, as Pogba’s strengths are so obvious, even on his bad days. You don’t have to study him, like you do Busquets, to truly appreciate his impact on matches. No one who has watched him for more than a handful of games can have any doubt about his talent, so it must be bitterness, jealously, or good old fashioned ABU syndrome, that explains why he is not feted like De Bruyne.  

Speaking of the two-footed ginger, Pogba equalled his assists record for the season against Stoke, putting them both on 9. The Frenchman has played 10 less games though, due to his injuries and suspensions. After this win,  and City's first loss of the season on Sunday against Liverpool, the gap between the Manchester clubs was 12 points; it’s tempting to wonder what it would be if United’s talisman had been available in all the league games this season. He really was an absolute steal at £89m, it was quite laughable how easy he found it to run this game. A complete footballer.

It was the returning Antonio Valencia who put United in front, a real collector’s item too: A goal from his left peg! He collected Pogba’s ball before shifting it and curling it home for his 3^rd league strike of the campaign. We’ve missed him in his absence. Perhaps it was the potential arrival of the dog-shagging weirdo that is Sanchez that led to such a high-tempo start, with the attacking players keen to show Jose what they were about. United, full of confidence after the early goal, started to dominate possession and push Stoke back.

It’s the first time I’ve mentioned the away side, despite them being full of intrigue as well. After four and a half years of Mark Hughes, Stoke had fired him and appointed Paul Lambert, amazingly after an underwhelming spell with Wolves. It’s great being a British manager isn’t it? So many failures, so many opportunities. Mind, the dour Scot (is there any other kind?) did a superb job with Norwich which shouldn't be forgotten, no matter how eye-scratchingly bad his Villa team were to watch. either way, the new boss was at Old Trafford watching his new charges for the first time, and there weren’t many on show who must’ve given him much joy.

The exception would be Stephen Ireland, making his first start since spring 2015 after a series of horrific injuries. Not that I would normally be one to show sympathy to an ex-city, grandmother-lying waster, but it was nice to see him back, and he was Stoke’s best performer, along with Moritz Bauer, the debut right-back January purchase. Ireland was unlucky not to score after making a few blindside runs into the area. Unfortunately for him, his more talented but work-shy wide men Shaqiri and Choupo-Moting were invisible throughout, making Stoke anaemic up front. Ex-Red Darren Fletcher was sadly off the pace.

After the second goal was scored brilliantly by Martial when sweeping in Pogba’s pass from the edge of the area, Stoke seemed to give up, and the home side were not going to relinquish control. The £89m man was dictating play, dribbling through the midfield, switching play at will, always doing the unexpected, always wanting the ball. The only thing missing was a goal. Matic was also calm and assured, with Jones impressive and resolute at the back, and also having the poise to bring the ball out of defence.

The second half featured United struggling a little up to the hour mark, showing a little lack of intensity. I said aloud that Mata and in particular Lingard should be withdrawn. They both obviously heard me as they combined three times in the space of 5 minutes to try and get a third. First the Spaniard stroked a shot wide after Lingard had carried the ball, then after an enterprising burst from Luke Shaw the man-of-the-moment tapped back to Mata in a similar move to the first goal at Leicester. Only this time Mata blazed it over, and not long after he flicked in Lingard’s volley but he was way offside.

In the end it was Romelu Lukaku who scored the third, chesting down Martial’s pass, which was pinged in at pace, before using his body well against two defenders to create a little opening and smash home clinically. Classic centre-forward play. The big man had been terrific all game, and he seems to be hungry for goals again. He has 17 for the season now in all competitions, and that's no mean record.

Once again my pleas to get Pogba off for rest was ignored, and you can bet a muscle injury will be forthcoming as his all-action, complete display didn’t stop when the score became 3-0. Maybe for Matic as well, who only when he went off against Watford has been spared 90 minutes since joining. Still, it was nice for McTominay to get more minutes, Fellaini to be back, and Rashford almost scored after beating two men easily in his short time on the pitch. The kid is pure quality, even when out of form. United were on auto-pilot for the last 10 minutes as we just saw it out. A lovely 90 minutes, even against relegation fodder.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 8, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 7; Pogba 9, Matic 7.5; Mata 7.5 (McTominay 83), Lingard 6 (Fellaini 80, 6), Martial 8 (Rashford 80, 6.5); Lukaku 8.

Leicester 2-2 Manchester United

Leicester 2-2 Man Utd (Vardy 27, Maguire 90+4) (Mata 40, 60)

United weren’t at their absolute best, and Leicester are a decent team under Claude Puel, yet when the final whistle went the United fans were crushed with disappointment and anger. Well, of course, a last minute equaliser is always gut-wrenching. But this was different, given that United had come from behind, had been playing since the 73^rd minute against 10 men, and spurned at least 4, maybe 5 cast-iron sitters. Childish and immature, as our manager called it afterwards.

8 changes were made from the loss at Bristol City, with only Pogba, Martial and Lindelof keeping their places. Mourinho selected the Swede at full-back over Darmian, who wasn’t even named in the squad in the absence of Valencia.

United started pretty well in the final game before Christmas, with Pogba on his league return from suspension looking sharp, and Martial seemed dangerous despite some rough tackling from Leicester. However, it was Jamie Vardy who opened the scoring with an astonishingly simple goal, borne out of careless (to put it kindly) defending. Ndidi hoofed it 60 yards, Mahrez chased it down before holding it to play in Vardy for a simple finish. Why Smalling didn’t put a foot in on Mahrez, and why Jones ran out to press thin air to leave us exposed are questions that will forever remained unanswered.

To their credit, the players stepped it up a gear and went on the attack, to be rewarded when Juan Mata put us level late in the half with a precise effort from Lingard’s lay off after Martial had found him in the area. It was only the Spaniard’s second goal of the season.

The second half was exhilarating as the Red Devils completely outplayed Leicester, cutting them open on the break frequently, and they were rewarded with a comprehensive 4-1 away triumph but due to demented finishing and decision making, 2 points were dropped.

It was criminal, really. All those chances, and playing against 10 for the closing stages, with Amartey getting two clear bookings only 16 minutes after coming on. The game should have been over, but United took wasteful to a new level and reminded the faithful of the umpteen home games like this last season. It all started with Martial blazing way over from 12 yards out after a top ball in from Lukaku. The Belgian threw his hands up in frustration, but soon he was celebrating.

Mata had definitely come to the party, putting our noses in front with a curling free-kick from the right of the D past Kasper Schmeichel, his first brace since… March 2015! Yep, the famous Juanfield game. His general underperformance for a £37m player notwithstanding, the quality set-piece had surely made the game simple enough for his teammates.

The still makes it look worse... but it's still a terrible miss

Instead United contrived to fuck up glorious chances. Lukaku was great all game at receiving on the turn and letting others run into the vacated space; one such move ended with Lingard facing an open net after taking the ball past the keeper. But, on the run, he incredibly hit the post, before duly hitting the rebound over as well. It was harder to miss.

After Amartey was sent off, Mourinho confusingly brought on Herrera for Lingard, perhaps as a reaction to Lingard’s dreadful miss. But why bring on a more defensive player when they’re at their most vulnerable, and why Herrera, who isn’t in good form anyway? Still, for all the posturing afterwards about this particular sub, it didn’t have much of an impact. It wasn’t Jose’s fault, this one; United still created more gilt-edged opportunities to put the game to bed with a story and a mug of hot chocolate.



Rashford, just before inexplicably trying to take it round the keeper

Rashford had already contributed to the red card, and he was played through again with only Schmeichel to beat. Instead of shooting, he tried to round the Dane, and ended up losing the ball. It was pathetic from the kid. From that position you have to open your body up and put it in the far corner, not try and act clever.

Still, Leicester weren’t looking that threatening. The MOTM Mata came off for Mkhitaryan, so at least his weird isolation appears to be at an end. Mind, the manager was going spare at yet another chance going begging as the Armenian tried to pass back to Lukaku rather than shoot from point-blank range. At this point, I was bricking it. Surely we would be punished for such muddled thinking in front of goal?

Smalling was involved in a heavy tackle, and it looked like we would have to see it out with 10, but then Rashford was sent clear again and United had almost a 3-on-1. It was the 92^nd minute, so he could’ve even chosen to run the ball into the corner and waste time. But instead he stopped, delayed, passed inside, and lost possession. It was fucking amateur hour, brain-dead from such a good player, one more chance to finish the game wasted. Why did he stop running? What the hell was going through his mind?


Look at the pitch. Then the clock. He stopped and passed inside. Despair.

Leicester pushed Wes Morgan and Harry Maguire up front and went route one for the dying seconds. Amid confusion with our shape, with United taking the ridiculous decision to send Smalling back on at centre-back, Albrighton sent in a deep cross and Maguire volleyed in at the back post, leading to rapturous scenes all over the King Power. It was the last kick of the game.

The post-mortem wasn’t pretty as it was suggested Herrera had ignored Jones’s instruction to fill in at right-back so Lindelof could move into the centre. But that was splitting hairs, tt was at the other end where the fault lied. Romelu Lukaku had been robbed of 3 assists, from Martial, Lingard, and Mkhitaryan. Those three but in particular Rashford should hang their heads in shame at throwing away two points. Lukaku was creating 1 on 1’s at will, they all fluffed their lines, and we were rightly punished by a Leicester team that, to be fair, deserve considerable praise for never giving up despite going down to 10 men. Even though the dirty bastards didn’t deserve anything from the game, obviously. I’m not bitter, what gave you that idea?

The only crumb of comfort from this is with City’s lead being 13 points, the title race is over in the self-styled most competitive league in the world before Christmas. I’m sure Sky’s shareholders are delighted at their flagship product being all but wrapped up before the Champions League even starts again. Fuck them, and fuck their pathetic hype for games that meander into nothingness. It’s the little things, I suppose. Merry Christmas.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Lindelof 6, Smalling 5.5, Jones 6.5, Young 7; Pogba 7, Matic 6; Mata 8.5 (Mkhitaryan 83, 5), Lingard 5.5 (Herrera 76, 5), Martial 6 (Rashford 71, 4); Lukaku 8.

Manchester Utd 1-0 Brighton

Manchester United 1-0 Brighton (Dunk og. 66)

A narrow win courtesy of a deflected shot seemed fitting for the sort of match this was, a drab, low-skilled affair. It was poor, with Mourinho’s admirable 4-4-2 team selection not resulting in free flowing attacking football. Still, Man United are now unbeaten at Old Trafford in 39 league and cup games. An impressive statistic, with our last home defeat coming against Manchester City in September 2016. Our next league visitors? City.

Instead of the dull football, the crowd was worthy of comment, with ‘It’s Carrick, y’know’ getting a hearty airing after the club captain made his heart issues public on Friday. After a smattering of it during Basel away, ‘Five Cantonas’ was also sung with gusto. It’s not even December yet, lads. The fans were much louder than usual today, probably helped by the passionate Brighton contingent relishing their trip to Manchester, because no ground confirms you’re at the big time more than Old Trafford.

They had a decent side to cheer on, mind. Chris Hughton has the newly-promoted southerners playing some good stuff in the relative safety of mid-table, and his team played some interesting stuff. In the early stages of the game Dutch international Davy Propper and his partner in crime Gross were at the heart of Brighton’s positive outlook. Both were comfortable driving forward with the ball and launch counters with balls towards the experienced Glenn Murray. Murray was a decent lone foil for Brighton, holding the ball up well. They were tough throughout and good in the air.
The main penetration came from the pacey Anthony Knockaert down the right hand side, but he was up against Ashley Young who tracked him back stride for stride and never showed him inside. Never was the Frenchman and lower league legend allowed to shoot from distance, with Smalling often out quick to close down the space.

At the other end United were ponderous and safe, I mean, four shots on target in the entire game tells its own story. In the first half, Pogba was spraying the ball around, always at the centre of things, looking in good touch, but he was almost getting too much of the ball with the players constantly passing to him when he was tightly marked or there were teammates better placed. One of the tiny problems with having such a dominant personality and player as Pogba is occasionally the players look for him to work his magic too often, to rely on him, even subconsciously. To be fair to the players, ‘give it to Pogba’ is as good a tactic I can think of for this United squad.

Mourinho lined up in a pretty flat 4-4-2 with Rashford twinned with Lukaku, presumably because he thought we could overwhelm Brighton, but credit must go to Propper and Gross who prevented United taking control of the midfield. They were helped by Matic though, who had a bit of a stinker, with heavy touches and lax passes galore, although the Serb duly showed his value to the side in the last 10 minutes with some smart defending.

We were the better team, but not creating many chances, because the front four just didn’t get much of the ball. Instead it was our converted wingers who provided the thrust and the width; It was Young who was taking players on and showing some flair, it was Valencia who was always available on the overlap. United were better when they switched to a 4-2-3-1 on the stroke of half-time, and almost straight away, new right-winger Rashford put a cross onto Lukaku’s head from two yards only to see it well saved by the Aussie keeper Matthew Ryan.

15 minutes of the second half passed with the only incident worth mentioning being Knockaert coming out second best in a challenge with Lindelof, staying down for ages, United not kicking the ball out, and then not giving the ball back when they do. Unreal mentality, and it got the crowd going again too. He got up and ran around soon after though, the prick.

On came Zlatan for the ineffectual Mata. I was saying Matic needed to be taken off as well, when the goal came, with Young buying space with some neat footwork before seeing his shot ricochet off Dunk and loop into the net. Oddly, we didn’t use that momentum to go for a second, and that, apart from a Zlatan shot after a brilliant one-two with Pogba, was rather that for our forward line.

Instead they scrapped around, fighting for the team. Lukaku was working brilliantly hard for the shirt, closing down players and chasing full backs down the wing. Go on lad. Lots of fouls from both teams - including a naughty late one by Duffy on Ibrahimovic – contributed to the low quality, and so Fellaini was sent on to stiffen up the midfield to try and check the Brighton moves.

It worked, and a rather crap game ended 1-0. I wouldn’t have minded missing that one, really. Still, it’s all about the three points, last year that probably would’ve ended in a draw, and with Spurs drawing at home to newly de-Pulised West Brom and Chelsea and Liverpool sharing the spoils in the evening game, United ended the day happily.

United (4-4-2) De Gea 6.5; Valencia 7.5, Lindelof 7.5, Smalling 7.5, Young 8; Mata 5 (Ibrahimovic 62, 6), Pogba 7.5, Matic 5.5, Martial 6.5 (Mkhitaryan 71, 5.5); Rashford 7 (Fellaini 80, 6), Lukaku 7.

Chelsea 1-0 Manchester United

Chelsea 1-0 Manchester United (Morata 55)

 

I say it every year, but an away match at Chelsea is a special kind of sporting torture. More often than not it involves scoring few goals and conceding many, and get this, you have to pay one of the richest men in the world thirty odd quid to watch it happen. Our terrible record at Stamford Bridge barely needs mentioning (the loss here made it one win in the last sixteen league games) but the fixture has taken on a bigger significance ever since Jose Mourinho, Chelsea’s greatest ever manager, took up his office at Carrington.

Last year’s games here were a 4-0 tonking and a 1-0 Cup quarter final loss after Ander Herrera had been sent off. Undeterred, Mourinho ordered Herrera to perform man-marking duties on Eden Hazard again, and the Spaniard carried out the job to perfection at Old Trafford as United, in one of the best results of last season, came away with a 2-0 win. It was highly unlikely such tactics would be utilised again this time around with Herrera needed in the middle of the park as one of only two fully-fit senior midfielders. Fellaini was back unexpectedly, but was only fit enough for the bench. So, the United boss kept faith with the same XI that had beaten Spurs a week ago, maintaining the three/five at the back. It made sense, not only to match up with Chelsea’s formation, but also because, hey, we beat Spurs. As the boss said in his pre-match presser "Tottenham beat Liverpool 4-1, Real Madrid 3-1, but didn't score against us. My players deserve a little bit of credit”.

The main omission was obviously Anthony Martial. In his stubborn refusal to play Martial, Rashford and Lukaku together, Mourinho hurts the team and restricts our attacking potential. Mkhitaryan is a lovely footballer but he is dreadfully out of form, and had no business starting a game of this magnitude. Mata was never going to start at his former club given his propensity to disappear in away games, and his own patchy form, but his omission from the squad was a surprise. Matic though, was going to be one our key men at his old stomping ground.

Chelsea had come into this late Sunday encounter in slight disarray, after being swept aside 3-0 by an impressive Roma team in midweek. The defence, which Antonio Conte holds so dear, was schoolboy like, and the pundits afterwards focused on the sale of Matic as a key factor for their loss of midfield protection. Conte took action, dropping David Luiz from the squad and instead placing his faith in Andreas Christensen. N’Golo Kante returned after injury to form three in the engine room. As always with the Blues, whispers of dressing room unhappiness and the Russian tycoon’s itchy trigger finger were never far away.  Chelsea needed to respond.

After Liverpool and Spurs, everyone expected us to park the bus, but in fact United started positively, pressing high up the pitch and doing our best to get Rashford and Lukaku away running against their defenders. This wasn’t a surprise. With City beating Arsenal 3-1 earlier, they were now 8 points ahead. Dragging them back to 7 wouldn’t make a great difference – it was time to win, and banish those bad memories of pathetic away days at the top 6. The game was explosive for a top-of-the-table clash, with the first incident packed twenty minutes flying by.

Phil Jones scored an own-goal volley worthy of any bloopers DVD presented by Danny Baker, but the ref thought that Alvaro Morata had pushed him and the strike was chalked off. Less than a minute later, Rashford had a free header from close range to put us ahead, but he closed his eyes at the point of impact from Young’s cross and it looped over. Had he headed it downward, it probably would’ve beaten Courtois.

Chelsea responded immediately. United’s pressing had one big flaw; the coolness of Cesc Fabregas under pressure. The stylish Spanish schemer was never rushed and always seemed to have an extra second to try and create, and he was so successful at playing around United that his midfield partner Bakayoko, a summer signing from Monaco who had been quite disappointing so far this season, was able to make several piercing runs into the box. He tamely sliced wide when in a great position after a top centre from Zappacosta, and throughout the entire match was able to exploit the hole and take up great positions behind Herrera and Matic. Without Pogba or even Carrick (clutching at straws here) to put his foot on it, Chelsea seized the initiative.

Hazard forced De Gea into an untidy save when striking from the D, and from the rebound Fabregas headed wide. Chelsea’s system was now purring, and Morata was pulling our three centre-backs all over West London with his clever runs into the channels. The former Juventus and Real Madrid striker was a terrific outlet, with his pace (and ability to dribble directly if he had no help) giving United’s defence a real headache. At the other end, Lukaku had a snap shot parried away by his international team mate Courtois, as the first half continued to excite. We were having difficulty in launching counters, as Azpiliceuta regularly stepped out of the back 3 to block passing lines to Lukaku, plus our wing-backs, Valencia and Young, were having a tough time advancing into Chelsea territory.

One of the reasons Chelsea had begun to be dominant was that Hazard was getting more of the ball in attacking areas. Why? Well, simply, Chelsea had three in midfield to our two and we always struggled to retain the ball. But just as important was our unfamiliarity and unsuitability with the back three. We don’t, with Rojo still not back, possess a centre-half who is brilliant at bringing the ball out, and too often we had three players marking one, Morata. This meant in practice that Chelsea could occupy a chunk of our team with one man and thus pass around the players stationed in front, hence why Bakayoko and Hazard were picking up great positions. On the team sheet of course, Hazard was listed as playing up top with Morata, but the Belgian roamed around in a free role befitting his status as Chelsea’s star man. United didn’t assign one player to follow him, and so he was becoming more influential.

Still, half time came and went and we were in it. Our coach had noticed the problem with the space, and within 5 minutes of the restart two United players were booked for tough tackles on Hazard, keen to let him know he would not have as much freedom in this half. United’s centre-backs also started to push further up to stop the space between the lines. It needed to be done, but it inadvertently led to the goal.

Opta had put out the stat that no player has scored more headed goals in the big five European leagues since the start of last season than Morata. So of course he was unmarked to power home an admittedly towering header from a great ball from the ever resourceful Azpiliceuta. Jones had been drawn out to cover other threats, but we still had two centre-backs to cover the Spaniard, but Bailly and Smalling were caught napping and top strikers only need a sniff. 1-0.

Few teams are harder to play against when losing than Chelsea and you sensed straight away it was going to be an uphill task. It could’ve been two as Fabregas played in Hazard who swept a first-time effort straight at De Gea. Mourinho reacted quickly bringing on Martial and Fellaini; It was a welcome return for the giant midfielder, but it soon turned nightmarish.

Let’s not get this twisted, Manchester United have badly missed Fellaini, especially with Pogba out. His game changing qualities made him an obvious candidate for coming on, but it was clearly too soon. Even Stevie Wonder could see straight away he wasn’t fully fit. He was immediately pickpocketed by Bakayoko when dawdling on the ball and was lucky that the Frenchman blasted wide after being held up by Smalling. If he had waited a couple more seconds, he could’ve given the rapidly advancing Morata a practical tap-in for another goal. This was one of three Chelsea opportunities created by Fellaini’s clumsiness in possession and general lack of finesse. He was a direct hindrance to his side for a good while.

United then did fuck all for ages, or rather, Chelsea didn’t let us. The Champions then passed it around, happy to make United chase the ball, content to let the game drift into the closing stages knowing they could counter as the Red Devils pushed more players forward. In the final 10 minutes, Fellaini was stationed up front as a target man, ball after ball was slung into the box, and all of a sudden the mood of the game changed. It was curious that as much as we had been outplayed in the second half, you could clearly see Chelsea were bricking it in the last 10 minutes as they drastically dropped deep to deal with Fellaini. It was quite frantic.

The expensively assembled Man Utd of Jose Mourinho went route one in search of an equaliser, and the ABU’s loved it, I’m sure. Pretty much every team goes direct when losing in the last few minutes, but whatever. It was starting to work, anyway. Rashford flashed wide with a left footed half-volley from the edge of the box after a Herrera cross was headed out poorly. Then an even better chance – a hoof from Bailly, world class chest control and turn in the box from Fellaini, and a shot that forced Courtois into a good save. On the other hand, we were now vulnerable at the back, and Morata should’ve finished off a swift breakaway but got his feet in a muddle and blew a one-on-one in pretty much the only mistake he made all evening.

At one point during this onslaught, the ball trickled towards Matic out wide on the left with loads of red shirts in the box, and he let it out for a throw which he didn’t even take long. A minor detail but it annoyed me no end – just lump it in the general direction of Fellaini, you daft prick. As good as he’d been, he was constantly receiving it in 1 on 1 situations during this phase of play. The ball fell to him in a dangerous situation frequently in the last 10 minutes but he couldn’t do anything, it was pretty frustrating. I’ll forgive him though, he was the only outfield player who really was calm and thoughtful with his passing throughout. It’s not like we bought him to unlock a packed defence and nick us a goal in the dying minutes at Chelsea anyway.

It was end-to-end at this point. Lingard's long ball was flicked on by Fellaini (by now, our biggest threat) and Matic was fouled 25 yards out. Rashford took the free-kick, and it was deflected over. Chelsea cleared the corner, and that was that. Conte had got it spot on, and we were a tad lucky it was only 1-0.

Chelsea had obviously won the midfield battle. Kante coming back made a big difference to them, he enabled the superb Fabregas and Hazard, meaning they could focus on attack. Bakayoko, as mentioned before, was excellent with the timing of his runs, but fortunately for us he made the wrong decision almost every time to waste his chances. But I still do feel they could’ve been nullified if we had played a trio in the middle from the start, but with Fellaini not fully-fit it maybe wasn’t worth the risk.

Did Mourinho do loads wrong? Probably not. Some reckoned we were scared and terrible… We were a lot more offensive than at Anfield. In any case, had Morata’s incredible man of the match performance rendered discussion of our set up largely meaningless? We need our own talisman Pogba back sharpish for the big games. Oh and no more back three. Please. Even against City. Well, maybe in that special case. Obviously, for this game it was fine, but with Fellaini fit again, changing the system to a variant of 4-3-3 is a must for the big clashes. We just don’t quite have the personnel to truly make the most out of the back three/five.

Mkhitaryan was a disgrace, there is very little else you can say. His role was crucial, to link the forwards and midfielders, but he completely failed, barely touching the ball, and committing the ultimate sin in a Mourinho team in a big away game: completely failing to press and show your work-rate off the ball. Given that he fought his way back into the team last season partly based on his tenacity compared to some of the other creative players, this was a real shame. With the Armenian on the pitch, Man Utd may as well have played with ten men. He has been the player who has missed Pogba the most, his confidence is at rock bottom, and it’s getting harder to remember his last properly good game. When you’re off form like he is, the least you expect is a bit of fight - instead he looked like he didn’t give a shit. Perhaps the guy just needs a break, give him some time off and let him run riot in December. That, or hypnotise him into believing every game is in the Europa League. But we are entitled to expect more from someone who almost always this season has started in his preferred position and yet produced dreadful crap since September. 

There’s definitely a school of thought that you can’t blame the forwards due to lack of service, and to an extent I accept that. But also, fuck that. (See that intelligent counter argument?) We spent £75m on Lukaku, and despite his great start it’s becoming clear he can’t hold the ball up that well -he certainly didn’t here- and doesn’t create chances for himself frequently. He has to make the ball stick. This was the sort of 90 minutes from him I was fearing in big games when he was signed. The contrast with the all-action Morata (another red target in the summer) was stark. In mitigation, against the big teams we haven’t yet put in a class performance, and it is his first season.

The final whistle went and Conte went onto to pitch to celebrate a pressure-relieving win, blanking Mourinho. Moaning about managerial handshakes should be the sole preserve of Mark Hughes, but the incident did nothing to alleviate the rumours that the two bosses really don’t like each other. Not that I cared about such nonsense – it’s the international break now, with Germany and Brazil strutting their stuff at Wembley. Time to lick our wounds, regroup, and ensure we’re ready for Newcastle on November 18^th.

United (5-2-1-2) De Gea 8; Valencia 6, Bailly 7, Smalling 6.5, Jones 6 (Fellaini 62, 5.5), Young 5.5 (Lingard 78, 5); Herrera 6, Matic 7.5; Mkhitaryan 3.5 (Martial 62, 5); Rashford 6, Lukaku 5.

Chelsea ratings as well, because why not:

Chelsea (3-5-2) Courtois 7; Azpilicueta 8, Christensen 8, Cahill 7; Zappacosta 6 (Rudiger 66, 5.5), Fabregas 8 (Drinkwater 79, 5.5), Kante 8, Bakayoko 6, Alonso 6.5; Morata 9, Hazard 8 (Willian 87).