Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea Sunday 25th Feb 2018

Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea (Lukaku 39, Lingard 75) (Willian 32)

 

 
Yerrrrrrs. A massive, massive result, against a fellow top 6 rival, coming from behind, and a feather in Mourinho’s cap in his spat with Antonio Conte. It wasn’t a vintage 90 minutes, with a general lack of quality and pace on show on a surprisingly hot and sunny day in Manchester. Both teams looked tired after having played in the Champions League midweek, but thanks to Romelu Lukaku and Jesse Lingard, United went home happier.

After Herrera’s injury in Spain, Pogba obviously started, but it was the continuing selection of academy man Scott McTominay that was the talking point. The manager had obviously decided 4-3-3 was necessary. It looked like, given Fellaini’s injuries and Carrick’s lack of legs, our strongest team to contain Chelsea. Jones, Rojo and Blind were still out. Martial came in for Mata to play on the left, with Sanchez finally stationed on the right.

What of the Champions? Things are still going well for them in the Champions League - with a creditable 1-1 draw against Barcelona – and the FA Cup, but all is not well at the Bridge, especially behind the scenes where a battle for transfer supremacy is ongoing. Their season has generally been ok bar the odd hiccup, and they remain a quality team directed by a top passionate coach with an enviable CV. It looked even more impressive once the little skulduggery that once blighted it had been wiped out thanks to ‘rigorous’ investigation when Italian national boss. Ahem.

Events started with a bang with Morata (who many United fans would’ve preferred in the summer over Lukaku) hitting the woodwork almost straight away from a wicked Marcos Alonso cross. United did look strong out there though, the team looking fired up for the challenge. By contrast, the crowd was crap, disappointingly. You could only hear the away fans, strange really, it should’ve been a cauldron for this especially given Mourinho and Conte’s recent war of words.

Initially, Anthony Martial was our out ball, mainly from the left half-space from Pogba passes. A couple of times he was allowed a run at Chelsea’s centre-backs with Moses nowhere after we had won back possession. From one of these breaks Alexis Sanchez had a golden chance, but after controlling in the box at pace, he could only tap the ball towards the keeper with his right peg, when he probably should’ve hit it with his left.

Lingard and Pogba celebrate the number 14's goal

 

There was a pattern though – Matic wins it, United work it to Pogba in his favourite area in the left-centre, and he either drove us up the pitch by himself or spread it wide to Martial. It was such a joy to see our best player in his best position, able to link up with Martial. The winger unfortunately drifted out of the game, but it wasn’t for lack of touches, with Pogba constantly in the position to give it to him.

Chelsea’s attacks were led by Willian, in great form recently. Together with partner in crime Eden Hazard, he was a constant threat on the break with his direct vertical running, so explosive in transition. With Fabregas left on the bench, Chelsea did not build-up play particularly well, with the workmanlike midfield of Drinkwater and Kante instead looking to hit long for Morata who was not holding the ball up with any certainty. Thus, almost by default it was on the break where they were getting joy.

Chelsea were the better side in the first half, and they got their reward in a flowing counter from a United corner, beating a poorly executed offside trap. It was taken fucking short, despite the height we had in the box, given away, and Willian came away with the ball. He exchanged passes with Hazard, streaking away from McTominay, and hammered it past De Gea, despite his shot being pretty close to our keeper. He would kick himself, but It was the sort of shot one might complain about in the park for being too hard, to be fair to De Gea.

So, we were losing at home to a rival and the crowd was threatening to turn. Thankfully for us, Lukaku rose to the occasion to draw us level, finishing off an intricate move. Red Rom hadn’t scored against any of the top six this season, so this was overdue in a way, but that seems harsh. Instead we should celebrate the striker ending his dry spell against the elite, this despite him initially losing the ball due to an errant first touch. But Matic drove a low pass at Alexis, who turned instantly before laying the ball into Martial in the box, who we know has outstanding close control and touch in positions like that – seen in Lingard’s first goal against Arsenal earlier on in the season. The winger moved it on to Lukaku, whose first touch with his right foot took the ball away from Alonso’s challenge, allowing him to pass it into the corner with his left to make it 22 in all competitions. Brilliant.

The half ended with us on top, flying into tackles and Matic and Pogba thoroughly dominant, dribbling through the middle. Hazard had not had the ball as much as he is used to, thanks mainly to McTominay being instructed to stand on his toes and follow him round. It wasn’t an obvious job, like Herrera did in this fixture last year, but it was noticeable how many times it was the 6”4 Lancastrian who engaged first with Hazard, no matter where he received the ball.

The second half was all United as we put in an unbelievable demonstration of control, battling hard, winning the ball quickly, and setting our attackers away. The improvement was frightening, and we completely deserved the eventual win.

The towering Matic put in his best performance for ages, determined to show his former club what they were missing. With Pogba, carrying the ball at will, he bossed the midfield completely. While seeing him three times ghost past ‘world class’ Kante like a competitive dad versus his 3 year old son was hilarious, it was the moments when Pogba did not have to beat a man that was noticeable. Chelsea had failed to track Pogba’s runs, and were now often forced to hack clear the Frenchman’s attempted final balls. 3 in midfield suits us better, allowing Matic to go through games without blowing hard and freeing up Pogba to create.

Panna!

 

We can’t ignore Pogba treating Kante like his bitch every time they got 1 on 1 though. To think that our number 6 is often compared to that glorified marathon runner… he seemed determined to show who was boss. With a neat stepover he slipped past the Chelsea man, who promptly hacked him down for a yellow card, unable to compete with Pogba. He also got nutmegged in the second half, from a flick pass on the edge of the box. In direct opposition, there was no contest.

Lukaku was giving everything, his hold up play exemplary, his pace and power unreal. He was man of the match, completely answering his critics (like me) that he never does it against the big clubs. He was making the ball stick, laying the ball off to his colleagues, and never giving Chelsea’s three centre-backs a moment rest.

Sanchez hadn’t been amazing, often losing the ball for us by attempting a high-risk pass or dribble. But the genius was still on show, with a world class dig out cross from nothing for Lukaku to go close with a scissor kick. Courtois tipped it over, but United had the wind behind them.

Lingard was sent on and immediately energised things with his movement. United pushed further forward, seeking the winner, but this led to gaps for Chelsea. A 30 yarder from Drinkwater was parried away by De Gea poorly, and then he almost spilled a fairly simple and mild Willian free-kick over his own goal-line. A rare human performance for De Gea then, spilling everything, but in his defence the sun was in his eyes all second half and he was constantly putting his arm over his forehead to try and catch the flight of balls in the air. Why was some lackey not sent to his goal to chuck him a cap?

United went in front with a terrific goal. McTominay floated the ball forward, expertly spotting Lukaku’s run to the right hand side. He used his strength to hold off a challenge before a neat bit of footwork saw him make room for a delicious pin point cross onto the head of Lingard, who converted deftly. His late run had completely surprised Christensen. Another Lionel Jesse header! What a moment for the sub, and what a season he’s having. 2-1, and the Stretford End found its voice, expressing their gratitude to the Warrington Wizard. The atmosphere soon turned nervous again though, as almost straight from the kick off Willian ran on to a through ball and tried to catch De Gea out at his near post, but he denied him safely this time.

 

Conte didn’t waste time once Lingard’s 13^th goal in all competitions hit the net. He took off Moses for Giroud and went two up front, and long ball, keen to see if having two tall strikers on the field could create some knock downs for his side. A few minutes later, Fabregas was on as well to supply the ammunition.

In response to Conte’s changes, Mourinho went ultra-defensive and brought on Bailly for Sanchez, switching to 5-3-1-1. It made sense, but it led to an obvious change in the momentum, with Chelsea now taking control of the ball. Thankfully for us, Fabregas had been brought on far too late. By the time he’d got into the flow of the game, pinging passes around, United had adjusted to our new formation and were looking solid as a rock. The defence, and our gaffer, deserve credit for holding out against the Blues and their last ditch attacks on our goal. 

One more chance for United transpired when Lukaku picked up a loose ball inside his own half after United had hacked clear. He turned and accelerated, pushing the ball miles clear of him, leaving Chelsea defenders in his wake with his turn of speed and sudden burst. Up against the whole defence on his own, he got a shot off, blocked and out for an attacking throw-in, a perfect way to let the seconds tick by. It was the side of Lukaku we had rarely seen – picking up from deep and driving forward – given he’s usually wanting the ball in behind and is unwilling to get involved in the action too far away from goal. But perhaps the incredible run was a sign of things to come, that he can do his own heavy lifting at times.

At the other end, United were very lucky that Morata was flagged offside wrongly when hitting the back of the net to steal an equaliser. Mind, the United backline had stopped when the flag came up, so we will never know if Morata had got the space to score if the linesman never made the incorrect decision. Some fine timewasting at the end, particularly from Pogba and Lukaku, helped reduce Chelsea’s opportunities to launch it to their twin target men. One final chance came when a corner was conceded, but despite Courtois being up, the delivery was poor and Lingard duly smashed clear to the wonderful tone of the final whistle. Yes!



Judging by this pic, Sanchez has seemingly forgotten how terrifying celebrating a goal can be

If we play like we did in the second half every week, we would be right up there with City. Dynamic, energetic, clever runs and individual flair all combined in a greatest hits album. Lukaku, the title track in this already tortured metaphor, can be over the moon with his best game yet for United. Sure he scored one and made the other, but it was his all-round game, in a crucial match against one of the best defences, that really registered in my mind.

Martial was poor, and it has to be said that sometimes it is galling that Lingard outperforms him, someone with a third of his ability. It was frustrating seeing how little the ex-Monaco man moved off the ball – always wanting it to feet, rather than run in behind. The contrast with Lingard was stark; everything sped up when he came on, making an impact off the bench that is customary these days. He does seem to lift the team considerably on occasions. Of course, Lingard’s deficiencies in talent lead to some indifferent displays, like at Newcastle or against Spurs at Wembley. But he has, against the odds, made himself a cornerstone of the squad.

Some of the criticisms of Martial are ridiculous – for instance, the allegation that he doesn’t smile enough, and thus doesn’t want to be here and is miserable – but it has to be said his body language doesn’t give off a great vibe. When he was hooked, he fucking strolled off, at 1-1, when we had the momentum… it wasn’t a good look. (It was the type of petulant shit that Nani got hammered for. No danger of that given our cringe fanbase led by ‘Martial FC’ weirdos on twitter). This maybe is nit-picking, given that with the exception of decision making, Martial is among the best in the world for his age and seemingly only mental barriers will prevent him becoming world class. Even here, his lightning quick feet gave him an assist for the first goal. But still, it wouldn’t kill the lad to look a bit more motivated. Not that Jose will care too much about any of this – Lingard’s winner made it 10 league goals off the bench for us this season, a league high, and evidence that more often than not, the manager gets his subs spot-on.

McTominay was a huge positive. He didn’t quite put Hazard in his pocket like some suggested (I mean the Belgian carved us open for their goal) but it was a very good man-marking job against such a skilful player. The young lad responded really well after not tracking Willlian for that goal to put in a mature performance. Sure, his passing lacks a bit of variety, but he was composed, and United looked a better side with him in it. The kid showed considerable nerve to play in such a big game so early in his career. The fact that Chelsea’s star man was taken off with the result on the line said everything as to how intelligent and diligent McTominay had been in carrying out the task set by Mourinho. He’d seen off Hazard!

It should be said out loud – 1-0 down, being outplayed, we managed to turn it around, take control, and grab the points. When did that last happen? We certainly don’t win many from a goal down, but the second half performance, and the very best of Lukaku, demanded the spoils. What a victory.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 5.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 6.5, Lindelof 7, Young 6; McTominay 7.5, Matic 8.5, Pogba 8.5; Sanchez 6.5 (Bailly 81, 6), Lukaku 9, Martial 5.5 (Lingard 64, 7.5).

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois 7; Azpilicueta 6.5, Christensen 6.5, Rudiger 6; Moses 5.5 (Giroud 78, 6), Drinkwater 6 (Fabregas 81, 6), Kante 6, Alonso 7; Willian 7.5, Hazard 6.5 (Pedro 73, 6); Morata 5.5.

Look at the passion from Lukaku against his old club. YANITED

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United

Burnley 0-1 Manchester United (Martial 54)

 

A rather sleepy Saturday afternoon in Lancashire was ignited by Anthony Martial’s superb winning goal in the second half, to clinch another win to nil for Jose Mourinho’s men. It was a tough encounter, with defences on top, but once again United had our French flier to thank for keeping us on track.

This was not vintage United, but then it hardly ever is against the Burnley of Sean Dyche. We’ve never blown them away, either in 14-15 or since they got promoted the second time. Due to a neat quirk in the fixture list, the memories of Boxing Day, and being 2-0 down in no time at all, were fresh in the memories of the Reds. Or should that be the light greys, as United lined up in our god awful, make-your-eyes-bleed 2^nd kit again. Is this really what Adidas pay all those millions for? Oh fuck, I’m moaning about kits, I’m even sadder than I knew I was.

United rather laboured to the win, but that didn’t mean there weren’t impressive elements – like a 5^th consecutive clean sheet for us, since we last played Burnley. An amazing coincidence, but not as amazing as the commanding defending of Phil Jones. He has been pretty low down on the list of players receiving acclaim this campaign, yet there is no more consistent centre-back in the country. When he’s fit, of course. Mourinho has improved him, or rather restored him back to his late 2013 peak. It was difficult out there, with him being booed by the Turf Moor faithful throughout due to his Blackburn Rovers connections, but he came through it, and with his partner Smalling got us over the line amid a barrage of late balls into the box.

Mind, Burnley were never out of the game, and Icelandic international Gudmundsson hit the bar with a free-kick, plus the terrific James Tarkowski was mere inches away from getting contact on a low cross from the right late on. As an aside, Dyche must perform a big gravelly frightening laugh every time he see his former charge Michael Keane struggle for Everton knowing he had Tarkowski to come in and replace him and form a solid partnership with Ben Mee. Considering he lost Andre Gray to Watford as well, you have to tip your hat to resourcefulness of Dyche. Back to the game though, for all this pressure, United were comfortable, despite being pinned back. It was encouraging, and once again the cliché needs saying – last year, we would’ve drawn that game. It would’ve been our own fault though, as Pogba, Martial and sub Rashford all wasted chances to kill the contest in the second half.

This season has been harshly judged, thanks to Guardiola’s barely believable mob up the road breaking records with their potential points tally. But we’re alright, y’know. The big summer buy Lukaku has not been anywhere near as bad as has been suggested, and he proved his class again by providing the goal, demonstrating superb awareness and decision making to advance with the ball before stopping and finding Martial with a perfect ball. The number 11’s coolness in front of goal did the rest, placing the ball in the top corner with aplomb. That made it 3 league goals in as many games for Martial. The forward is improving all the time and his recent form, as well as his undeniable talent, will surely keep him in the team even if the dog-obsessive from the Emirates joins to add a certain individualism to the attack. By now, even as harsh a critic as Mourinho can no longer be evasive about the ability of our fleet-footed Frenchman. “Of course we are happy with him. We just want consistency, we know he has the talent”.

It is hard to dislike Dyche. Even when he makes a pithy remark about the different financial worlds the two teams were operating in (“The defining moment is an absolutely fantastic finish from a player they brought in for a lot of money” was how he described Martial’s winner to the BBC) I find him admirable. Yes, he may play the victim at times when it comes to referees, and he does revel much like Big Sam in the whole I-would-be-getting-a-lot-more-praise-if-i-was-foreign-and-exoctic bollocks. But at the same time, his team and his tactical awareness constantly leave me impressed. The world is good if you are a Burnley fan right now – at least until someone further up the food chain poaches their gaffer.

The only tiny little concern of note was that after his 3 match ban, Young was selected ahead of the in-form Luke Shaw at left-back in our only change from the win over Stoke. This decision was pretty straightforward in hindsight as the experienced utility man was fresh while his teammates had been exerted by the Christmas period, and after so many matches on the trot it seemed sensible to give Shaw a breather – after all, he hasn’t played many consecutive games since his leg break. However, given that Burnley away is no walk in the park, you would expect the strongest team, and if Young is still ahead of Shaw in the pecking order when everything is equal, it would worry me slightly. Although perhaps to prove that I should shut my clumsy mouth, Youngy was one of our best players, especially in transition to set up counters late on.

Arsene Wenger implied that Alexis Sanchez missed the 4-1 cakewalk at home to Palace because he was already on his way up north, and whatever the real truth, it does seem likely that by the time United visit League Two Yeovil, the Chilean will be a Man United player. Certainly, Emirates-bound Mkhitaryan was never in consideration for the starting XI here. This transfer saga has barely lasted a fortnight yet I’m already tired of it, and the press crap that comes with it, and the idea that Alexis must be a money grabbing mercenary to turn down Oil-rich Man City in favour of the biggest football club in the world. City trying to take the moral high ground over money (Sanchez would upset their wage structure, apparently) has been a twist in this soap opera I definitely didn’t see coming. It does look done at the time of writing however, quite incredible given the English press had decided he would be at the Etihad by now. So, United bringing in a world-class player in January you say? Aye mate, and a reality TV star will be President and all, you daft prick.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 7.5, Jones 8.5, Young 7.5; Pogba 6.5, Matic 7; Mata 5.5 (Fellaini 72, 6), Lingard 5.5 (Rashford 80, 5), Martial 8 (Herrera 90+4); Lukaku 7.5.

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke

Manchester United 3-0 Stoke (Valencia 9, Martial 38, Lukaku 72)

It had been 10 days since Manchester United had last kicked a ball in anger against Derby in the cup, a rare long-ish break in the middle of the season which Jose Mourinho had taken to full advantage, spending much of the time in Dubai. The Portuguese gaffer gushed about the warm weather and the facilities, and a previously jaded United arrived for the Monday evening game refreshed. Off field matters had taken up the journalist’s attention during the lull, such as Mourinho’s war of words with Conte, (‘I don’t act like a clown’ “He has senile dementia” ‘I will never be banned for match-fixing’ “He is a little man”) and United’s seemingly on a whim pursuit of Alexis Sanchez.

The wantaway Arsenal flier was the talk of the terraces, and a compilation of his goals was even shown on MUTV. But the game kicked off with no deal looking imminent, although the Red Devils were in the driving seat. City had balked at the wage demands of the Chilean, and we had muscled in. The day before, after Arsenal’s loss at Bournemouth, Wenger had said Sanchez’s future would be resolved within 48 hours, but the Arsenal chief does say a lot of shite these days. Mkhitaryan was left out of the squad, after Jose had said he would be involved, amid speculation the Armenian would be going the other way to Sanchez. He has almost certainly played his last game for Manchester United.

While no one is sure about who exactly will be at Carrington in February, what you can bet your life on is Paul Pogba being United’s best player for the foreseeable future. The number 6 was sensational.

There are people who don’t rate Pogba, or at the very least believe he’s overhyped. This is baffling, as Pogba’s strengths are so obvious, even on his bad days. You don’t have to study him, like you do Busquets, to truly appreciate his impact on matches. No one who has watched him for more than a handful of games can have any doubt about his talent, so it must be bitterness, jealously, or good old fashioned ABU syndrome, that explains why he is not feted like De Bruyne.  

Speaking of the two-footed ginger, Pogba equalled his assists record for the season against Stoke, putting them both on 9. The Frenchman has played 10 less games though, due to his injuries and suspensions. After this win,  and City's first loss of the season on Sunday against Liverpool, the gap between the Manchester clubs was 12 points; it’s tempting to wonder what it would be if United’s talisman had been available in all the league games this season. He really was an absolute steal at £89m, it was quite laughable how easy he found it to run this game. A complete footballer.

It was the returning Antonio Valencia who put United in front, a real collector’s item too: A goal from his left peg! He collected Pogba’s ball before shifting it and curling it home for his 3^rd league strike of the campaign. We’ve missed him in his absence. Perhaps it was the potential arrival of the dog-shagging weirdo that is Sanchez that led to such a high-tempo start, with the attacking players keen to show Jose what they were about. United, full of confidence after the early goal, started to dominate possession and push Stoke back.

It’s the first time I’ve mentioned the away side, despite them being full of intrigue as well. After four and a half years of Mark Hughes, Stoke had fired him and appointed Paul Lambert, amazingly after an underwhelming spell with Wolves. It’s great being a British manager isn’t it? So many failures, so many opportunities. Mind, the dour Scot (is there any other kind?) did a superb job with Norwich which shouldn't be forgotten, no matter how eye-scratchingly bad his Villa team were to watch. either way, the new boss was at Old Trafford watching his new charges for the first time, and there weren’t many on show who must’ve given him much joy.

The exception would be Stephen Ireland, making his first start since spring 2015 after a series of horrific injuries. Not that I would normally be one to show sympathy to an ex-city, grandmother-lying waster, but it was nice to see him back, and he was Stoke’s best performer, along with Moritz Bauer, the debut right-back January purchase. Ireland was unlucky not to score after making a few blindside runs into the area. Unfortunately for him, his more talented but work-shy wide men Shaqiri and Choupo-Moting were invisible throughout, making Stoke anaemic up front. Ex-Red Darren Fletcher was sadly off the pace.

After the second goal was scored brilliantly by Martial when sweeping in Pogba’s pass from the edge of the area, Stoke seemed to give up, and the home side were not going to relinquish control. The £89m man was dictating play, dribbling through the midfield, switching play at will, always doing the unexpected, always wanting the ball. The only thing missing was a goal. Matic was also calm and assured, with Jones impressive and resolute at the back, and also having the poise to bring the ball out of defence.

The second half featured United struggling a little up to the hour mark, showing a little lack of intensity. I said aloud that Mata and in particular Lingard should be withdrawn. They both obviously heard me as they combined three times in the space of 5 minutes to try and get a third. First the Spaniard stroked a shot wide after Lingard had carried the ball, then after an enterprising burst from Luke Shaw the man-of-the-moment tapped back to Mata in a similar move to the first goal at Leicester. Only this time Mata blazed it over, and not long after he flicked in Lingard’s volley but he was way offside.

In the end it was Romelu Lukaku who scored the third, chesting down Martial’s pass, which was pinged in at pace, before using his body well against two defenders to create a little opening and smash home clinically. Classic centre-forward play. The big man had been terrific all game, and he seems to be hungry for goals again. He has 17 for the season now in all competitions, and that's no mean record.

Once again my pleas to get Pogba off for rest was ignored, and you can bet a muscle injury will be forthcoming as his all-action, complete display didn’t stop when the score became 3-0. Maybe for Matic as well, who only when he went off against Watford has been spared 90 minutes since joining. Still, it was nice for McTominay to get more minutes, Fellaini to be back, and Rashford almost scored after beating two men easily in his short time on the pitch. The kid is pure quality, even when out of form. United were on auto-pilot for the last 10 minutes as we just saw it out. A lovely 90 minutes, even against relegation fodder.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 8, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 7; Pogba 9, Matic 7.5; Mata 7.5 (McTominay 83), Lingard 6 (Fellaini 80, 6), Martial 8 (Rashford 80, 6.5); Lukaku 8.

Manchester United 2-0 Benfica

Manchester United 2-0 Benfica (Svilar og. 45, Blind 78 pen)

Happy Halloween! Trick or treat? Hmm… I’ll go for an Anthony Martial trick, and the treat of another win, thanks. Preferably with no blood.

12 clean sheets in the last sixteen games in all competitions. 8 wins in as many games at Old Trafford, which is fast becoming a fortress again. A perfect 4 wins out of 4 in the Champions League. All but through to the knockout stage for the first time since 2014. Nothing is as effective as a few wins to change the mood around a club. We’re doing pretty well so far this season, y’know?

It’s been an ultra-professional job in Europe so far. Yes, the detractors could easily point out that it is a gentler group than some others, but we’ve stumbled and ended up eating pavement in bad groups before. Sometimes it would be good for Jose Mourinho to drunkenly fall over and hit the concrete himself in a Halloween accident, as maybe it would stop his prick like behavior. Before the match, he used his notes in United Review to seemingly have a go at the fans.  ‘I hope that you enjoy the game more than some of you did against Tottenham’. Probably this was a dig at the criticism of his football, or the small number of boos for the substitution of Marcus Rashford. He also suggested the fans were booing Lukaku himself, which is a clear case of #FAKENEWS. Although by now we all know how he operates, you would think that Mourinho would decide to exclude the supporters as a group to create a siege mentality against. Clearly, he went as a knobhead for Halloween.

But we can forgive his media games for the moment as his United side is proving pretty difficult to score against. We switched back to a back four after Tottenham, with Jones and Valencia again missing Europe. Young and Rashford were rotated, and Mata came back in after missing the last two games. With Chelsea away looming on Sunday wearing a scary Scream costume, Herrera was rested, with Scott McTominay starting in the Champions League in his place, a truly exciting moment for the lanky Lancaster lad.

It was Martial, full of confidence from the winner against Spurs, who was the best player on the pitch, giving Benfica defenders nightmares similar to ones small children get when watching the Exorcist. He was constantly dangerous, impossible to tackle, and the ball seemed tied to his foot at some stages, such as the audacious dribble past three players to win a penalty. In the only blemish on an outstanding display, the usually ice-cool Frenchman saw his spot-kick brilliantly saved by the 18-year-old keeper Mile Svilar, in the process becoming the youngest ever keeper to save a penalty in the Champions League. Some redemption then, for the talented kid after the bollock he dropped carrying Rashford’s free-kick over the line in Lisbon.

Benfica did keep the ball well, but United were breaking forward at pace. Lukaku’s shot from 20 yards was saved, before the Belgian headed over from a Martial cross, both chances coming from slick, fast moves. The Portuguese visitors only had one chance in the first half, but David De Gea was on top form. The Spaniard saved Diogo Goncalves' curling effort towards the top corner with a strong hand. At the other end, Martial left the right-back with twisted blood when turning in the penalty area but blazed over with his left foot after a poor touch. For all our great play, it did seem like it would be 0-0 at half-time, but once again, fate intervened in Svilar’s fledgling career.

Another great counter, featuring a sharp pass from McTominay surrounded by three players duly led to Matic striking from range, and his shot ricocheted off the post and went in off Svilar’s back. It was cruel again on the teenager. Forget Final Destination – the highlight reel of Svilar’s European travails against Man Utd will be enough to give any shot-stopper a nightmare. You had to feel for him – it almost seems like he is cursed. Or haunted. Or did a deal with the devil. Or something else vaguely to do with Halloween, I don’t bloody know. He did show his resilience when making a save one-on-one with Lukaku only moments later, though. Our star striker never quite looked confident or got it out of his feet, and maybe five games without a goal was preying on his mind.

Lingard was replaced at the break after a minor back injury and Mkhitaryan came on. United were impressive going forward with Mata hitting row J after a great Martial backheel had played in Darmian. It was a poor miss, a Texas Chainsaw Matassacre, you could say (I know, I know). But Benfica were growing into the game and starting to get the ball in United’s territory. Mexican striker Raul Jimenez had a shot saved, but saw a far better chance later on clip the post after Bailly gave the Old Trafford crowd a spooky fright with his horrendous under hit pass to Smalling being intercepted. Thankfully Jimenez only hit the woodwork, and his team-mate Goncalves had also seen an effort kept out by De Gea after skipping past Smalling.

Herrera was sent on to tighten things up and it seemed to work, as Benfica’s attacks soon died out like a comic relief character in Saw. The birthday boy Rashford was introduced for Martial (because heaven forbid was see an attack of Lukaku, Rashford and Martial, oh no) and he made an instantaneous impact, his direct mazy run ending only when being upended by a clumsy defender. With Martial off the pitch (and having missed one anyway) Lukaku put the ball down, but the manager seemed to communicate he didn’t want that, and via Herrera, Daley Blind ended up converting the penalty, hitting it straight down the middle. Although it would be nice for our number nine to get a goal, given his miss against Leciester, I don’t see it as a big deal, unlike some for the duties to be given temporarily to Blind, who of course, is hardly technically deficient.

We move on to Chelsea, with the penalty pass-the-parcel dominating the headlines, rather than the win, which suits Mourinho, of course. McTominay, was a calm presence on his full European debut, which was lovely, and the kid Rashford celebrated his 20^th birthday in style. No Nightmare on Eld Trafford Street for us, eh? Eh? So you’re telling me these Halloween references have been excruciatingly unfunny? Jeez, everyone’s an ‘Einstein’, as Jose says…

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 8; Darmian 7, Bailly 6, Smalling 7, Blind 6.5; McTominay 7, Matic 8; Mata 6.5 (Herrera 68, 6), Lingard 5.5 (Mkhitaryan 46, 6), Martial 8.5 (Rashford 75, 7); Lukaku 6.5

CSKA 1-4 Man Utd 27th Sept

CSKA Moscow 1-4 Manchester United (Kuchaev 90) (Lukaku 4, 26, Martial 18 pen, Mkhitaryan 57)

Before the game, Jose Mourinho had called this CSKA Moscow side the best he had faced. This was, at best, extremely generous given he had played the Russian side in a Champions League quarter final with Inter. Although you can never turn your nose up at a long trip to Moscow, with the effects of the long flight and close-to-freezing temperatures, it must be said those in the know were arguing that this was, on paper, the weakest CSKA team for a good few years. Certainly they were inferior to the side who drew 1-1 with us two seasons ago. But even then, it was a surprise how straightforward this victory was.

This side is so free scoring at the moment it’s almost slightly uncomfortable. Russia away is not meant to be so inviting, and it looks stupid now to think that pre-match I was a tad pessimistic after seeing the lineup. The gaffer had left Valencia at home and said before kick-off that Jones and Fellaini were nursing knocks, but even considering these absences, I was gob smacked that Jose had chosen to go with a back 5 considering how poor we were using that system in his debut season. I didn’t really see a justification for it, surely it would be too defensive an outlook against a pretty uninspiring CSKA outfit?

Well, I was shut up as we were in front almost instantaneously through our new main man, Romelu Lukaku.

It was an incisive break. Herrera cut out a pass, and Matic gave it to Lukaku. He turned and brilliantly set Martial away with a right-footed through ball. The Frenchman faced up to the defender before shifting right to create half a yard, and stood up a delicious ball that our no.9 powered low past Football Manager legend Igor Akinfeev. An early goal, from Lukaku, from a top cross. A trademark, one might say, of early 2017-18 United. Soon after something else happened that is common for us, which is a glorious save from David De Gea to stop a goal. The man from Madrid showing terrific reflexes to stop a close range drive.

It was 2-0 soon later after a decent move down the right was ended by Mkhitaryan being upended in the penalty area. Was it a foul? It wasn’t the most clear-cut, shall we say. It was left to the ice-cool Martial to stroke home from the spot. What a penalty taker he is, by the way.

24 hours before, Liverpool had laboured to a 1-1 draw against Spartak, but Mourinho was showing Klopp how you’re meant to play in Russia. We were in total command and a third goal was no shock, although Vasili Berezutski won’t want to see his missed clearance from a pretty average Martial cross again, leaving Lukaku with a tap in for his 10^th goal for United. He’s finding this Champions League lark pretty simple, isn’t he? Akinfeev could only look on in disgust but I felt bad for him, as he hadn’t done much wrong yet had had to pick the ball out of the back of his net three times. The level of the CSKA defending was pathetically bad, with the famous Russian duo of Sergei Ignashevich and Berezutski and their combined age of 73 both looking like they were running with a backpack full of rocks.

It felt fairly ridiculous at half time that it was all going so swimmingly. A weird formation, a long trip away to Moscow, a few changes, and the rank, slightly discoloured white/grey kit – it’s not meant to be this easy. Even Lindelof was good. It was an absolute annihilation job from us, really stamping our mark on Europe after years of making even the gentlest away tie (such as Midgetland) look challenging. After all, we’d only won one of our previous 10 away games in the Champions League.

United hit their fourth not too long into the second half. CSKA gave the ball away poorly (again), Herrera played in Martial, whose shot was saved, but Mkhitaryan showed speed and desire (your defence is terrified) to get to the rebound first. It was a rout. Martial was the main architect of our moves, and the sky is really the limit for a talent like him. What a player.

The home side did get a consolation with Golovin scooping a pass over the back four and the 19-year-old Kuchaev chesting it down and hitting it between De Gea’s legs. I wasn’t too bothered, but it was quite heartening to see how annoyed Smalling and Blind were at losing their clean sheet. Such a mentality will stand the backline in good stead over the campaign.

Overall, a fantastic result bearing in mind how bad we’ve been away in European games since Fergie retired, regardless of how bad the opposition were. We’re in control of our group as we move onto pointless Palace.

United (3-4-2-1) De Gea 8; Lindelof 7, Bailly 6, Smalling 7; Young 6.5 (Darmian 67, 6), Herrera 7.5, Matic 7, Blind 7.5; Mkhitaryan 6.5 (Lingard 60, 6), Martial 8.5 (Rashford 72, 6); Lukaku 8.

 

Manchester United 4-1 Burton Albion League Cup 3rd Round 20th Sept

Manchester United 4-1 Burton Albion (Rashford 5, 17, Lingard 36, Martial 60) (Dyer 90+1)

Not much to report on this third round procession, but I’ll give it a go anyway. United unsurprisingly strolled to victory, given that we played 11 internationals and Mata and Rashford kept their places, so there was no danger of Mourinho taking the League Cup lightly this season – he wants to retain it and nothing less will do. So no kids in the side, which was a bit of a shame, but I suppose some fringe players needed minutes. Smalling, Lindelof, Darmian, Lingard and Herrera had precious few minutes under their belt so far this term, plus to top it off the new club captain, Michael Carrick, was making his first appearance of the season.

Martial and Rashford started together for the first time this season and ran riot. Young Rash read Lingard’s clever lay-off from a Carrick pass to tuck in for the early lead. United were all over Burton, and another goal soon followed. Rashford’s second goal was a thunderous snap shot from outside the penalty area with little backlift on the turn; United’s overpowered team were on easy street and within 36 minutes the game was over as a contest when Lingard made it 3-0 after a brilliant Martial run. Meanwhile Tony Marshall could’ve had a hat trick, so mesmeric was his dribbling, but settled for one, and a nice video below.

It was just very easy, all a bit cruel on Championship overachievers Burton, who at least had the glory of scoring a consolation goal at Old Trafford through Lloyd Dyer late on. Sub keeper Joel Pereira really should’ve kept it out, but alas (What a gig Romero has right now by the way. Doesn’t even have to complete the 90). We’re through, full of confidence and goals, and drew Swansea away in the 4^th Round. A good evening’s work.

United (4-2-3-1) Romero 6 (Pereira 78, 5); Darmian 7, Lindelof 6.5, Smalling 6.5, Blind 7.5; Carrick 7.5, Herrera 6.5; Mata 7 (Shaw 46, 6), Lingard 7.5, Martial 8.5; Rashford 8 (McTominay 64, 6).

 

Swansea 0-4 Manchester United

Swansea 0-4 Manchester United (Bailly 45, Lukaku 80, Pogba 82, Martial 84)

We don’t have a very good record against Swansea, but last year we went to Wales under serious pressure and Jose, or rather Pogba, Zlatan and Rooney, pulled out a 3-1 away victory. Swansea don’t seem to be sleepwalking to relegation this time like they did around then, with Paul Clement an increasingly impressive figure. But United were obviously massive favourites.

The game started at a snail’s pace. There weren’t many highlights in the first half, so much so that much of the attention focused on the filmiest of claims of a second yellow card for Pogba that would see him take an early bath. Total nonsense, of course.

Our golden boy Rashford was getting plenty of stick from the Jacks, which surprised the commentators who wondered whether it was an example of Anglo-Welsh hostilities. Utd fans knew better – it was clearly a reference to Rashford’s, erm, rather flamboyant tumble in the Swans penalty area at Old Trafford last season. Rooney scored the subsequent dodgy spot-kick and the away fans were fuming given they still were in relegation danger at this point. So the kid probably deserved the choice words heading his way, it definitely won’t be the last time he faces a crowd like that, hopefully it’ll be a learning experience for him.

United went ahead just before the break from a corner which Pogba, given a free header, powered towards goal but the bar and the keeper coincided to keep it just out. The United fans went up in celebration and for a second everyone played on, but it didn’t matter as Eric Bailly reacted first and poked the ball over the line to bring a second round of cheers from the travelling hordes, and to take away the need for a look at goal-line technology.

After we went 1-0 up, the feeling was that the Swans would come out, but they didn’t, and this meant we couldn’t use Valencia and Blind to overlap as much because our wingers had to stay wide to try and open up the game.

For a large percentage of the second half, the game was pretty equal and a Swansea goal seemed just as likely as one from us. Their defensive 5-3-2 formation was hampering our attempts to break the backline, while simultaneously making it difficult for Chelsea loanee Tammy Abraham and Jordan Ayew to test our defence and hold the ball up, given their limited help. The match was becoming scrappy, with Abraham heading over from the penalty spot when unmarked a warning shot for our defence. I was thinking we should bring on Herrera to tighten the midfield up.

On 67 minutes, Clement blinked and brought on two wingers – Narsingh and Routledge – for Bartley and Roque Mesa and switched to a 4-4-2. It was just what Mourinho, the ultimate reactive manager, was waiting for.

8 minutes later, Martial and Fellaini were sent on for Rashford (who had drifted out of proceedings) and Mata. 9 minutes after those changes, United had moved from a tentative 1-0 away win to a comprehensive 4-0 thumping. Swansea didn’t deserve the final score line and had to go for the equaliser and leave the door open for the counter, but the way United shifted through the gears was thoroughly impressive, another sign that things could be different this season, as early as it is.

Lukaku had barely had a kick all game but finished emphatically when the chance came after Martial ran at the defenders before Mkhitaryan took over to play in the £75m man. Well, that is what we bought him for. Somehow I think there won’t be quite as many 1-1 home draws this season with him around. Anyway, 2-0, and in all probability, game over.  Right, let’s relax and keep it tight and go home with a nice win an-

Pogba!!! The third goal came after a lighting counter and the second assist for our midfield Armenian after superb dribbling, but it was all about the two brilliant parts of Pogba’s game; the athleticism to cover so much ground so quickly, and the world class technique rarely seen in such a tall, strong player that allowed him to delicately chip home and then celebrate with the away end. Fantastic move. If Pogba can get close to 15 goals in all competitions this season, and he certainly has the ability to, United’s season could be a lot sweeter this time around. 

There was barely time to breathe before United got their 4^th again. (Remember how rare United scoring four has been over the last three seasons! Yet we’ve made it look so easy!) Another brilliant Pogba-led counter and a typical Martial finish, cutting inside before slotting it in the far corner. The subs by Mourinho had tipped the balance. Sure, Swansea rather fell apart but Mkhitaryan, Martial, and particularly Pogba had been irresistible on the counter attack. Bringing on Fellaini to allow Pogba to roam further forward reminded me of when Roberto Mancini used to bring on De Jong as a sub for City as an attacking sub; to push Yaya Toure up the field.

The Rampant Reds had scored 4 goals in their opening two league games of a season for the first time in 110 years. The 1907-08 season, in case you were wondering. Early doors, I know, but another great day.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 6; Valencia 6, Bailly 7, Jones 8, Blind 7; Matic 7.5, Pogba 8; Mata 7 (Fellaini 75, 6), Mkhitaryan 7.5 (Herrera 85), Rashford 6.5 (Martial 75, 7.5); Lukaku 6