Manchester United 1-0 Watford Last day of season/Carrick's farewell

Manchester United 1-0 Watford (Rashford 34)

This was game so full of action that it was stone dead last out of 10 games on Match of the Day even with the bonus element of it being the last game of Michael Carrick’s professional career. To be fair though, it was a dull affair. It could hardly compare to John Motson’s last commentary, Arsene Wenger bringing down the curtain on his dynasty, Man City clinching 100 (One hundred!) points with a Jesus goal in stoppage time, Chelsea blowing their top 4 hopes with a 3-0 reverse at Newcastle, Salah scoring his record-breaking 32^nd of the season, Swansea going down and last but definitely not least (in fact it was 1^st on the show) a 5-4 humdinger between Spurs and Leicester with Kane and Vardy both bagging braces to start the hope and hype trains for the World Cup.

Phew. Well what about us then? Well, a year after his testimonial that I attended, Carrick had a watered down version, with both teams not exactly firing on all cylinders. One of Fergie’s best signings and one of the most consistent players I have been fortunate to watch over the years deserved his farewell, and he had the whole shebang – kids as mascots, a guard of honour, speech after the game. Now I love Carrick, but, like I said, he’d already had his testimonial and seeing as he is going to join the coaching staff it’s not exactly a goodbye…. but anyway this is carping. He was a wonderful player, one of my favourites, and the crowd sang his name throughout.

We took the lead with a goal fitting the occasion, only because it was the vision of Carrick that created it. The Geordie Xavi found Mata’s run with a pinpoint lofted pass behind the defence, the sort of pass United fans have loved watching since 2006. The ball got what it deserved with a superb first touch, meaning Mata had plenty of time to square for Rashford to pass the ball into the net. This prompted some to wonder if Carrick should’ve played some more this season. Having watched him in the second half, let’s just be happy we saw some top passes in his last game!

United’s defence wasn’t the most solid even though Watford were barely trying. Bailly was very relaxed, and Rojo was erratic in the extreme. The Argentine made up for it though, with some quality last-ditch tackles and blocks, even though he was saved by the linesman’s flag after gifting the ball to Andre Gray after seemingly having a brain-fart. Romero, playing his 1^st league game this season, made a quality save from Richarlison’s header from point-blank range, reminding us that we have one of the best no.2’s in the world, as well as newly-golden-gloved De Gea.

The fan and players' player of the season with his 1st Golden Glove award pre-match

Limited game time among a lot of the players recently, and the eleven named rarely playing together led to a flat game. Martial left the ground before kick-off with an ‘injury’ setting the rumour mill ablaze. Sanchez looked a bit tired, but Rashford was anything but, pretty much the only one working hard, desperate to show Mourinho something. Unfortunately on the ball, there was not much quality from the lad. The game ebbed out meekly, and it will be remembered for Carrick’s farewell and nothing else. The skipper was subbed to a final standing ovation, and looked very happy on the bench at his reception. Then the crowd found their voice, signing ‘Ferguson’s red army’ and ‘every single one of us’ in tribute to the boss who is in hospital after his brain haemorrhage. Carrick said some nice words about him post-match as well.

It’s possible it’s the end for Darmian, and Blind too. The Dutchman recycled the ball, and that’s it. No risks on only his 7^th league appearance of the season, hardly a convincing argument for keeping him. As for Cup final places, if Lukaku and now Martial don’t make it, out of nowhere Mata could start after being the best player on the park – admittedly from not much competition. That’s what the focus is on, beating Chelsea to cap the season off. Carrick almost certainly won’t be involved in that one, but the day belonged to him, and quite right too. It was a pleasure, lad.

United (4-3-3) Romero 7; Darmian 6, Bailly 5.5, Rojo 6, Young 6.5 (Shaw 60, 6); McTominay 6.5, Carrick 6 (Pogba 85), Blind 6 (Herrera 77, 5.5); Mata 7, Rashford 6, Sanchez 5.5.

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United Thursday 10th May

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United

I didn’t watch this game, and after scouring the web for a highlights package that lasted longer than 6 minutes, it seems like I had a lucky escape, with the only real positive being this will be the last time we ever wear this horrendous quasi-greyish strip. Almost nothing happened in this encounter other than an entertaining scrap near the end between Paul Pogba and the personification of West Ham, Mark Noble. Think about it. A high opinion of yourself despite evidence to the contrary, really angry for no apparent reason, desperately mediocre, a feeling of being wronged etc etc.

Nonetheless, I don’t really having anything against Noble, a willing trier who has to deal with all sorts of shite being the captain of his boyhood team, including having to deck one of his own fans earlier in the season in West Ham’s nadir, a home defeat by Burnley. Since then David Moyes, who was barely acknowledged by the United fans, has steadied the ship and brought them to safety, helped out by Marco Arnautovic deciding that he is arsed after all. With him, Lanzini, Carroll, Chicharito, Antonio, Reid and the experience of Zabaleta and latterly Evra, how the hell were they in trouble for so long? It’s true they have struggled with a big chunk of the squad spending the majority of the campaign on the treatment table. But even with consistent absences West Ham have weapons that other teams in similar predicaments this season just didn’t have.

United played a back 5. A real, Italian style one, not a back 3. With McTominay and Herrera also there protecting De Gea’s 18^th clean sheet (the one he needed for a maiden Golden Glove), it was clear it wouldn’t be like watching 1970’s Brazil. Mourinho left Martial and Rashford, two who could do something watchable, on the bench - a clear message that they’ve blown their Cup final chances. Still, Adrian had to make some impressive saves to keep it goalless, as the 8 changes from Brighton didn’t have the anticipated effect of a better performance. Lingard buzzed around in a sort of shadow-striker role, demonstrating his intelligence and adaptability, and was our best goal threat. Shaw did well on the left flank with plenty of runs forward, and that was it really. We clinched 2^nd and no one got injured. Bring on the Cup final so we avoid watching this dead-rubber dross please.

United (5-3-1-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 6.5 (Bailly 90+4), Lindelof 6, Smalling 6, Jones 6, Shaw 7; Herrera 6, McTominay 5, Pogba 5.5; Lingard 7.5 (Rashford 74, 5.5); Sanchez 5.5 (Young 90+2).

Brighton 1-0 Manchester United Friday 4th May

Brighton 1-0 Manchester United (Gross 57)

An intriguing statistic surfaced after this Friday night game. United had lost to all the promoted teams this season away from home. Brighton, Newcastle (1-0) and Huddersfield (2-1) had beaten us, but we had beaten all the top 5. Jekyll and Hyde United. We’ve also dropped points to Stoke, Southampton and West Brom, proving that although there has been a vast improvement this season, against the actual shite of the division we struggle to break them down and too often end games with feelings of frustration.

It was the first time since 1989-90 that we had lost 3 league matches in a season against newly promoted clubs. This insipid display wasn’t some massive shock though, with United pretty much on auto-pilot and Brighton up for it looking to seal safety in front of their fans. But even though it wasn’t a total coupon-buster, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t fucking dire. For four of our seven defeats to be against teams in the bottom half is unacceptable. Comparisons with City are not enlightening for us, with them only losing two games, against us in 2^nd and Liverpool in 3^rd. We are stumbling over the line to finish runners-up, fortunate that Spurs are having their annual blow-up and Liverpool are concentrating on Europe.

There were a fair few players out on that pitch who had a chance to force their way into the Cup final team and they were clearly not arsed. But even then, we should have enough to put away bloody Brighton, who hadn’t won in 7 games. For all that we moan when Martial and Rashford are left out, nights like these are still pretty common for them, proving Mourinho right. But the manager has to take a lot more responsibility, as way too often under him we see these joyless, disjointed and functional performances. I’m in no way #MourinhoOut, not by a long shot, but to see so many games like this is criminal given the attacking talent we have.  

Lukaku was injured and Sanchez was rested, with Rojo starting with Smalling, after Mourinho had justified Bailly’s absence by saying he needed to make sure the other defenders were match fit for the World Cup. Even for him, that bullshit took some chutzpah to say to the press. Young captained the team with Valencia rested.

The game itself? Brighton were up for it from kick-off, pumping balls into the general direction of the wily old forward Glenn Murray. As the game went on and they realised how poor United were, they abandoned the agricultural approach and went for a more considered style, with the ball-players Pascal Gross and Dutch international Davy Propper – one of my favourite players in the bottom reaches of the league – proving difficult to mark.

Our full-backs were showing no positional awareness (how often do we see overlaps from them?) and our centre-backs were treating the ball like its lit dynamite. United had 68% possession when the whistle blew, but there wasn’t much to write home about. It was mostly boring, slow keep-ball. There was little penetration from our forwards, seldom were balls played in behind. United were very sloppy, especially Fellaini and Rashford, who blew United’s best chance when refusing to cut the ball back to Martial after getting to the right side by-line. Instead he paused, thought about shooting, and only got a corner after dawdling so much he could have set up Mata as well who had made a late run. It neatly summed up an awful half devoid of quality, with a real end of season feel to it despite cup places being on the line. Fellaini was too deep, not forward enough to be useful.

De Gea had to make 3 top saves to keep us level. Murray’s 25 yard shot, Izquierdo’s effort and a Gross drive were all heading towards goal but Spanish Dave proved why he won both player of the year awards in midweek by denying them all. The only positive in the 1^st half was a tremendous drunken Friday night rendition of ‘Viva Ronaldo’ from the travelling Reds desperate for our Portuguese alumnus to step up again and stop the scousers from winning a 6^th European Cup in Kiev in 3 weeks or so. C’mon Ronnie. Save us from that horror, would you?

There is still plenty of deadwood at the club, chief among them Darmian, who was utter wank again. Please let that be his last United game, and it would be fitting if it was. The Italian was beaten horribly easily by Izquierdo for the goal, allowing Gross to head in after the initial cross was parried, the goal being awarded by goal line technology after Rojo’s clearance just wasn’t good enough.

So we were behind. Time for a swashbuckling response… er… about that. In the 71^st minute Rashford had a powerful shot from distance well saved from the Aussie Matt Ryan, but that was about as good as it got. Mourinho introduced Lingard and Luke Shaw, and later took off Rojo for McTominay, but it didn’t really make a difference.

The last sections of the match were embarrassing with the United side just circulating the ball. There was no setting it wide, no pace, just waiting for someone else to take a risk or make an offensive run. We were left with Pogba trying to find the top corner from 30 yards for the final 7 or 8 minutes or so, an admission that we had run out of ideas before we’d even begun brainstorming.

The home side were jubilant and why not, having clinched their survival and seen off the great Manchester United of Darmian. There was a minor pitch invasion at full-time and good luck to them – Chris Hughton, one of the more dignified football men, deserves all the praise he gets.

Mourinho went for Martial and Rashford in his presser. "For 10 months I get asked 'why always Lukaku? Why always Lukaku, why always Lukaku? Why always this player? That guy doesn't have a chance to start, the other one is on the bench.' You know why now." For once, there was little to be said in response. Let’s just hope the massive Belgian is fit and ready for the Cup final, otherwise we are going to have a huge job on our hands.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 8; Darmian 3.5 (Shaw 68, 5.5), Smalling 5, Rojo 5.5 (McTominay 76, 5), Young 5; Fellaini 5 (Lingard 68, 5.5), Matic 6, Pogba 4.5; Mata 4, Rashford 3.5, Martial 4.

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United 18th April

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United (Smalling 28, Lukaku 70)

United warmed up for the Cup semi vs Spurs by dispatching a spirited Bournemouth XI, bouncing back from the defeat by West Brom well with a professional display. 

Mourinho made seven changes from that shocking game, partly as a reaction to the performance, partly to rest certain individuals for Spurs. So United started a league match without Lukaku and Matic for the first time in 17/18, with Valencia rested completely as well. Only De Gea, Herrera, Pogba and Smalling retained their spot but the real story was the selection of Luke Shaw and, amazingly, the player I dislike most in the current squad, Matteo Darmian. The Italian had almost disappeared from view but here he was, starting in the league for us for the first time since *checks soccerbase* the 0-0 draw at Liverpool on the 14^th October. This game was on 18^th April, for god’s sake. I’m never happy when he plays but he did ok considering he was brought in from the cold at short notice.

Shaw again looked a little too rotund for my liking… at this stage, you can only laugh really. But to be fair to the man fond of a Big Mac, he played well in the much changed defence, although he wasn’t the star of it. That was the recalled Phil Jones, who was showing plenty of effort and passion, dominating the area and winning the ball back numerous times.

The first goal was lovely. Herrera played a through ball down the right between the channels for Lingard to run onto, as opposed to most of the game when everything had been to feet, forcing the receiver to trap and control it. But this time, Lingard was able to instantly cross, and with all the Bournemouth defenders facing their own goal and not wanting to commit to a potential own-goal, Smalling, - the new Van Nistelrooy over the last month - was there to stab home. 3 goals in 3 away games for our new striker Smalling.

That opened up space and for the rest of the match the home defenders were constantly being turned by United’s pacey forwards, but the finish eluded them despite plenty of good approach play. Martial and Rashford buzzed around nicely but we were missing a real penalty box player to get on the end of the balls in. Unlike a lot of games this season, United weren’t particularly static, but we didn’t look like getting another goal.

That was until Lukaku came on and instantly gave United a convincing threat up top. It was he who finished off Bournemouth with the second goal. He ran into green space, and the ball was played into his path on his left side by Pogba enabling him to tuck it away without breaking stride. It was another simple goal, but so pleasing to witness for a team that sometimes like to overcomplicate things. Runs in behind, accurate passes = goals.

Matic came on for Herrera, and Pogba pushed up, exclusively playing in their half, and dribbling with the ball at his feet all the time. Our main man was feeding Martial, Lukaku and Rashford as well as looking for sights of goal himself. Just when he was really getting into his groove Mourinho subbed him, with a slight wry smile on his face I’m sure. Let the press write their crap – with the Cup semi on the weekend, the more minutes Pogba rests for the better.

Pogba’s replacement was Daley Blind, who like Darmian has spent most of the season on the bench or in the stands despite being available. (Although Blind was injured for 6 weeks during February and March). The Dutchman took the field for the first time since the 3^rd round Fa Cup win over Derby on the 5^th of Jan, and only 2 minutes after coming on shanked horribly at the ball when given the chance to shoot. It rather summed up a season where his previously quite decent United career has tailed off horribly. He started the first 3 fixtures but Young took the left-back spot and has never really been in danger since. Blind played all the European group matches but like Darmian appears to have been punished for the Bristol City loss. Although I hold him no malice (unlike that Italian prick) his time at United is surely up in the summer with the team barely noticing his absence all season. I mean, this was only his 6^th league appearance of the campaign.

The back 4 – even Darmian despite everything - defended well as part of the unit to allow United to see the game out pretty easily in the end, the expected onslaught from the home team never really arriving due to United’s experience and their own lack of quality creative players. Not that the crowd left at full-time annoyed by the action – far from it, as it was a raucous atmosphere from the very first minute to the last, the fans fully appreciative of their players despite the loss. Why not, when Eddie Howe has masterminded yet another season dining at the top tier for the small south coast club. So a decent win, but it’s Spurs, Wembley, and the Cup that takes our attention now.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Darmian 6.5, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 6.5; Herrera 7 (Matic 72, 6), Fellaini 6, Pogba 7.5 (Blind 80, 5); Lingard 6.5 (Lukaku 62, 7.5), Rashford 6.5, Martial 6;

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom 15th April

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom (Rodriguez 73)

Fans of every single club in England, without fail, believe that their club love ‘doing it the hard way’. “Typical City” the Berties would bitterly mutter as their shite heroes slipped into the third tier. “Classic West Ham, never making it easy for ourselves” sigh the Green Street veterans after another pathetic performance, now forever condemned to watching football at an athletics stadium (admittedly a world-class one). Mostly, even for the rubbish clubs, this is utter bollocks. Even at United - the most successful team in the country remember – there persists a feeling from a sizable number of supporters that a trophy is only ever won in strife, and some of the recent domestic cup victories prove them right. After watching United lose to a West Brom outfit already essentially down, propping up the table and with a caretaker manager, only a week after the result of the season at the Etihad, you wonder if the cliché does ring true.

Of course, having 8 of the finest selection of young British players of all time lose their life in a plane crash with their potential not even slightly fulfilled would probably qualify for ‘doing it the hard way’. But generally, even the bad times at Old Trafford aren’t too bad. Despite this dreadful 90 minutes, United still could finish 2^nd and lift the FA Cup, which would be a very good season. But it is the inconsistency and the lack of ability to build on wins that so frustrates the crowd when it comes to Mourinho’s Manchester United. How were his team so lethargic after the high of Smalling’s winner at City?

It’s not as if West Brom were any good. They should always be respected – this was incredibly their 3^rd league win at Old Trafford since Ferguson retired – but they were and are rock bottom of the league, desperately low on confidence, sleepwalking to the Championship under temporary boss Darren Moore, after the appointment of Alan Pardew spectacularly failed. Their lack of attacking prowess is almost hilarious, and yet they won at our home, a place where Mourinho has only lost to two other teams – City and Sevilla. In the process leaving us 16 points behind with 5 games to play, meaning the Champions-elect became the Champions. It was their first league win since January for fucks sake.

WBA didn’t need to be special or even average to win, for United were abject. Slow, ponderous, and lacking in ideas, we looked like we were the team who had given up for the season. The contrast with the chest beating after the derby win was stark. Only two changes had been made – Lindelof for Bailly and Mata for Lingard – yet the change in tempo was like a chasm.  It was really hard to recall any moments of dominance or great football. We had the ball, but didn’t do a lot. We had the territory, yet rarely turned the defenders or tested the keeper. It was all very dreary. Lukaku had a chance saved. Herrera had a penalty claim waved away. That was it for the first half.

A familiar issue in all of United’s poor games this season has been lack of width and once again it was on show. Mata and the totally wasteful Sanchez both drifted inside, with Pogba, Herrera and Lukaku already there. The result? A congested mess when we go forward, practically tripping over ourselves in the search for space. With Valencia and Young either unwilling or unable to push high up, United were stale, relying on little bits of quality to open up a stout defence.

Albion were panicking whenever they had the ball, almost terrified that they could actually come away with a result. The golden chance inevitably came on the hour mark and it fell to Lukaku, just who United would’ve wanted it to. Matic picked him out with a fine cross and he did nothing wrong with his header. Nothing. It was powerful and goalbound, but Ben Foster flung himself to his left and pulled off a magnificent save. Rom couldn’t believe it, and the WBA lads probably thought then and there they could nick it.

It was from a corner, obviously. You can take the Tony Pulis out of the team etc. Brunt swung it in, Matic lost his man at the far post and desperately headed it himself back into the six yard box, where Jay Rodriguez had escaped Lukaku to score. Another goal conceded from a set-piece that Lukaku is culpable for then. There really is no point having him in there if he is so shit at marking, just leave the guy up top. You couldn’t blame him too much though, he barely got a kick against the bottom team due to his teammates actions.

There was no onslaught or siege on to the Stretford End goal afterwards. Even the introduction of Lingard, Rashford and Martial didn’t lead to anything tangible, despite all three being renowned for their effectiveness off the bench this season. More urgency, more crosses and Smalling being used as an unorthodox centre-forward, but no real danger for the well organised Baggies. United looked out of ideas, and in the end deserved to slip to a 6^th league defeat of the season, just when you least expected it. It was probably one of the shocks of the season, an incredibly disappointing coupon-buster, but it didn’t feel disastrous in any way. Just that United had been punished for lazily strolling through a game, and given we had been losing to Chelsea, Palace and City recently, you can hardly say a loss wasn’t coming.

The one silver lining was the knowledge that City won the title in a quite pathetic way, watching the TV draped over their Sunday dinner on a wet and miserable evening. Some might ask how City mathematically clinching the league could ever be good, but when you consider at half time last week we were facing the threat of them releasing thousands of fireworks at their stadium in front of us after thrashing their rivals, you begin to understand why this was a bit easier to swallow. They were denied their champagne moment. In any case, they’ve had it wrapped up since late December 2017, so any feelings of despair have long since been dealt with. They can enjoy the last 5 games, whereas United go to Bournemouth as a warm up for an enormous Cup semi with Spurs. It would’ve been beneficial to have been on a run of wins before that crunch game, but United never do it the easy way, do they?

United (4-3-3) De Gea 7; Valencia 5, Smalling 6, Lindelof 6, Young 3.5 (Rashford 75, 5); Herrera 5 (Lingard 46, 5), Matic 5, Pogba 5 (Martial 58, 6); Mata 5, Lukaku 5.5, Sanchez 4.5. 

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United Monday 5th March

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United (Townsend 11, Van Aanholt 48) (Smalling 55, Lukaku 76, Matic 90+1)

"I have never been involved in a comeback like that before , I used to watch them on TV" - Marcus Rashford on Twitter, the morning after the night before.

Football, eh? Bloody Hell. What a game, what a shitshow, what a stunning comeback, what a winning goal from Nemanja Matic. A rollercoaster of emotions, and at the very end, an outpouring of joy, and regaining our place in 2^nd ahead of the game against Liverpool next week.

It really shouldn’t be this hard, after all the investment. How can United swing so violently in competence from game to game? After Chelsea, everything felt positive. And yet, United spent most of Monday evening frantically trying to avoid disaster. The wonderful resilience shown by the players was heartening, but does not erase how woeful we were in the opening 70 minutes. Our best players were dogshit, but we had managed to win… why do we wait until we concede before trying hard to score?

Only one change was made from Chelsea, with hero from last week Jesse Lingard coming in for Martial, who didn’t travel due to a minor injury. Herrera, Fellaini, Rojo, Jones and Blind were still out. McTominay started again.

Those United fans were in quality form all evening, coming across loud and clear on Sky serenading Eric Cantona, much to the anger of the Selhurst Ultras. Although there was nothing to shout about in a shambolic first period which counts among the very worst since Mourinho took the job.

It is difficult to know where to start. The attitude was unrecognisable from the Chelsea game. The whole team were second to every loose ball, unconvincing in the tackle, way too relaxed in possession. With both wide players floating inside, there was no width. We were playing too deep, with no movement up top, a recipe for stodgy disaster. Simple long balls from Palace were causing us problems, and at the other end there were no platforms for attack, with slow passes not stretching a makeshift Palace back four, or testing the dodgy Wayne Hennessey.

We were behind soon enough, losing the ball easily to allow Christian Benteke to set up Andros Townsend to score from a deflection off Lindelof, who turned his back. It was deserved, and there was little reaction from United. Instead Palace went close to doubling their lead a few times before the half-time whistle with Benteke and Sorloth proving a real handful in the air.

Roy Hodgson – whose England work was always appreciated by me – had made his Palace team tough to beat and had improved them no end since their shocking start but he was left with one hand tied behind his back here with so many first teamers out injured. His star man Wilfried Zaha was the headline but there were numerous others who were unavailable: Dann, Sakho, Sako, Puncheon, Cabaye, Speroni, Ward, the United loanee Fosu-Mensah, Loftus-Cheek and long-term crock Wickham. Yet their organisation remained, set up in two banks of four to deny space and push the defensive line of the visitors back.

Sanchez was a disgrace in that first half, unable to do anything right. Continually he moved infield into traffic, hit heavy passes straight out of play, and mis-controlled passes, his touch deserting him. Not that he was alone. Valencia was static off the ball, afraid to do anything unsafe. McTominay barely touched the ball, and I would hazard a guess that the young lad was hiding on the toughest evening of his career so far. Pogba was the opposite, coming way too deep to start attacks, and unprepared and lackadaisical when he had possession. Matic looked weak and tired in the midfield. Young was just terrible. The 4-3-3 basically meant more players doing fuck all and one less game changer than usual.

 

Red Rom loves it.

Mourinho reacted to a pathetic first half by hauling off McTominay for Rashford, switching to 4-2-3-1. The young flier made an impact instantly testing the pace of the Palace defenders, wanting to isolate himself 1 on 1 with his markers. Pogba and Matic were finding him a lot in the opening moments of the second half, but no telling chance was created. That was mainly down to rookie Palace right-back Aaron Wan-Bissaka, who was my man of the match for his never-say-die attitude and his desire to put tackles and blocks in.

The best laid plans were in tatters as Palace scored another, and it was amateur hour again as we switched off from a free-kick that was quickly taken by Schlupp, playing the speedy Van Aanholt through. No one was going to catch him, and he lashed it past De Gea to send Selhurst Park into dreamland. The last time we had come back from 2-0 to win a league game was in December 2013 against Hull.

Two down, staring at the abyss, United finally punched back. A corner was cleared and from the resulting opportunity, Valencia carefully measured a cross from a central position onto Smalling’s head, with Tomkins suffering a brainfade by keeping him onside. Game on.

United took control of the game, helped by taking off Valencia and Young, who were both utterly hopeless, and bringing on Luke Shaw and Juan Mata, with Lingard pushed to right-back in an attacking move. It made sense, and Lingard had played at full-back against Bournemouth last season. As for Shaw, it was pleasing to see him enter the pitch in our hour of need, what with his form over Christmas and Young’s recent ineptitude. But he was definitely carrying a bit of timber. Or maybe he had about 4 layers on? It was a cold evening in South London, to be fair…

The next period of the game would’ve been enormously enjoyable for the neutral, although it was torturous for me. The game was completely stretched, with both teams frantic and full of panic. United were forcing things too quickly, rushing through moves and playing over ambitious passes. Palace dropped way too deep, terrified of the onslaught they knew were coming.

Without sounding like a know-it-all, in hindsight Palace had given so much already, and were so weakened by the absences, that them crumbling was inevitable. Constant defensive mistakes were made allowing United in, saved only by luck or last ditch tackles – like when Benteke of all people cleared off the line from Matic after a corner with the keeper beaten. Not that I could view the game with such clarity when it was going on, mind.

Mata was making a difference as he often does when United are having a bad game, his speed of thought, happy knack for finding gaps and calm demeanour was beginning to take effect and calm his teammates down. He always provided options, making himself available. Lingard at RB was a revelation; dribbling at the defence, pinning them back, allowing Mata ahead of him more space to come inside. Lukaku was winning more in the air, and deservedly put us on terms when reacting fastest to a Sanchez shot that had ricochet onto the bar after the best bit of interplay around the box all game had created the opening. He controlled and pretended to shoot about 4 times, having a clear picture in his head, allowing the defenders to crowd the keeper and block his vision. You don’t score as many as him without having composure in front of goal and the Belgian eventually stroked it home, leading the team in big celebration. We were now favourites.

But we needed Ge Dea, as per, to save us with an athletic save from a Benteke header that was improbable enough for the Belgian striker and one time Lukaku rival to already be off in celebration. Spanish Dave is just magnificent, and there is no more anyone can say. Really he deserves cunts in front of him who are actually capable of sticking with their markers.

However, despite all the trying, it looked like we had run out of time, with Palace squeezing every last drop of energy from all of their players, lactic acid burning in their arms as they blocked shot after shot and rose again and again to head crosses away. But in the 91^st minute after the umpteenth ball was blocked, the ball at up nicely for Matic about 30 yards from goal. The crowd, his teammates and yours truly were yelling at him to pass out wide but instead he unleashed an incredibly sweet half-volley into the top corner, sending the fans completely barmy in the process.



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What a fucking moment, what a comeback, what a way to score your first United goal. He can strike a ball (like vs Everton in 15/16, and in the Cup semi vs Spurs last April) but his shots for United have largely been erratic. For such a high-quality goal to be scored in those circumstances by Matic was simply orgasmic. He led a mass of United bodies who ran to the away end, celebrating intensely with the faithful. Magic from Matic. Scenes mate. Scenes.



The Reds regrouped to see off any Palace pressure and the final whistle came and the ground emptied remarkably quickly with the home team feeling sick after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Forgetting the wretched performance for a moment, that’s what football is all about, last minute winners from behind away from home. Great stuff. But now, onto the troubling post-mortem…

Sanchez was shocking throughout, but it must be said, as bad as he played, he never once gave up, always on the move, playing pretty much central midfield late on to try and get on the ball and create. Although, our big signing promptly fucked it up almost every time. Still, having a player who takes risks and keeps plugging away, keeps trying that chip through ball to the far post will surely be a good thing over time, but Jesus, it wouldn’t kill him to recycle it now and then. He simply must improve, get less wasteful and start justifying his enormous pay-packet soon, because United have looked muddled since he arrived. Everyone deserves a bedding-in period, but the crunch games are coming thick and fast and if he isn’t gelling with the rest of the team he should be starting games amongst the substitutes. Although like Pogba, he possesses the ability to come up with something special no matter how badly he’s playing.

Valencia and Young were both embarrassing, and that is not being unkind. They looked nervous and unconvincing in defence, and were insipid in attack. Remember these are wingers, of some repute, by trade. So you can forgive some defensive lapses – but how can they not provide something that causes a second string Palace team a problem? When you start with Lingard and Sanchez as the wingers, you know the full-backs must provide the width, and that might’ve been a mistake by the manager. Instead Valencia was barely over the halfway-line, and Young simply passed back to the receiver whenever he got it. Sure, they’re on the other side of their peaks, but there is little excuse for such a poor performance.

Of course, it needs to be said that the skipper Valencia has generally been very good for the last three years, against better judgement. He should be allowed off days, even if they are shockers (You knew he was bad when Jose took him off – he is usually one of his most trusted lieutenants). But clubs that we are competing against for honours probably wouldn’t tolerate a well past his best former winger at right-back. His obvious weaknesses don’t stack up well at all against Europe’s best. Given the importance of them in today’s game, perhaps Right-back is an area to strengthen in the summer. (I still love you Tony V, obvs.)

A left-back could be signed as well, although I would rather just give Luke Shaw a good run. The fact that the, ahem, heavy looking lad came on at all tells you everything about how bad Young was, especially when you consider Shaw has never been a favourite of Mourinho. Young has played above himself for long periods this season, even forcing himself back into the England squad, and he deserves kudos for that. But don’t get it twisted, he is nowhere near United standard in any position he plays. Consistently Young has been exposed positionally. He’s a survivor – I would’ve sold him in the summer of 2014. He’s a good character, big in the dressing room, a top guy and by all accounts a really good professional. But he’s just a bit shit, and the odd teasing cross won’t convince me otherwise.

Having said all of that though, it was a mighty fine comeback, demonstrating our spirit, and despite there being lots to dislike, the subs helped change the game and keep us on track. Mourinho made the right changes at the right time, and the lads turned it around. Well done, now try and not lose to Liverpool on Saturday.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 8; Valencia 3 (Mata 67, 7.5), Smalling 7, Lindelof 5.5, Young 3.5 (Shaw 67, 6); McTominay 5 (Rashford 46, 6.5), Matic 7, Pogba 6; Lingard 7, Lukaku 7.5, Sanchez 5.

Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea Sunday 25th Feb 2018

Manchester United 2-1 Chelsea (Lukaku 39, Lingard 75) (Willian 32)

 

 
Yerrrrrrs. A massive, massive result, against a fellow top 6 rival, coming from behind, and a feather in Mourinho’s cap in his spat with Antonio Conte. It wasn’t a vintage 90 minutes, with a general lack of quality and pace on show on a surprisingly hot and sunny day in Manchester. Both teams looked tired after having played in the Champions League midweek, but thanks to Romelu Lukaku and Jesse Lingard, United went home happier.

After Herrera’s injury in Spain, Pogba obviously started, but it was the continuing selection of academy man Scott McTominay that was the talking point. The manager had obviously decided 4-3-3 was necessary. It looked like, given Fellaini’s injuries and Carrick’s lack of legs, our strongest team to contain Chelsea. Jones, Rojo and Blind were still out. Martial came in for Mata to play on the left, with Sanchez finally stationed on the right.

What of the Champions? Things are still going well for them in the Champions League - with a creditable 1-1 draw against Barcelona – and the FA Cup, but all is not well at the Bridge, especially behind the scenes where a battle for transfer supremacy is ongoing. Their season has generally been ok bar the odd hiccup, and they remain a quality team directed by a top passionate coach with an enviable CV. It looked even more impressive once the little skulduggery that once blighted it had been wiped out thanks to ‘rigorous’ investigation when Italian national boss. Ahem.

Events started with a bang with Morata (who many United fans would’ve preferred in the summer over Lukaku) hitting the woodwork almost straight away from a wicked Marcos Alonso cross. United did look strong out there though, the team looking fired up for the challenge. By contrast, the crowd was crap, disappointingly. You could only hear the away fans, strange really, it should’ve been a cauldron for this especially given Mourinho and Conte’s recent war of words.

Initially, Anthony Martial was our out ball, mainly from the left half-space from Pogba passes. A couple of times he was allowed a run at Chelsea’s centre-backs with Moses nowhere after we had won back possession. From one of these breaks Alexis Sanchez had a golden chance, but after controlling in the box at pace, he could only tap the ball towards the keeper with his right peg, when he probably should’ve hit it with his left.

Lingard and Pogba celebrate the number 14's goal

 

There was a pattern though – Matic wins it, United work it to Pogba in his favourite area in the left-centre, and he either drove us up the pitch by himself or spread it wide to Martial. It was such a joy to see our best player in his best position, able to link up with Martial. The winger unfortunately drifted out of the game, but it wasn’t for lack of touches, with Pogba constantly in the position to give it to him.

Chelsea’s attacks were led by Willian, in great form recently. Together with partner in crime Eden Hazard, he was a constant threat on the break with his direct vertical running, so explosive in transition. With Fabregas left on the bench, Chelsea did not build-up play particularly well, with the workmanlike midfield of Drinkwater and Kante instead looking to hit long for Morata who was not holding the ball up with any certainty. Thus, almost by default it was on the break where they were getting joy.

Chelsea were the better side in the first half, and they got their reward in a flowing counter from a United corner, beating a poorly executed offside trap. It was taken fucking short, despite the height we had in the box, given away, and Willian came away with the ball. He exchanged passes with Hazard, streaking away from McTominay, and hammered it past De Gea, despite his shot being pretty close to our keeper. He would kick himself, but It was the sort of shot one might complain about in the park for being too hard, to be fair to De Gea.

So, we were losing at home to a rival and the crowd was threatening to turn. Thankfully for us, Lukaku rose to the occasion to draw us level, finishing off an intricate move. Red Rom hadn’t scored against any of the top six this season, so this was overdue in a way, but that seems harsh. Instead we should celebrate the striker ending his dry spell against the elite, this despite him initially losing the ball due to an errant first touch. But Matic drove a low pass at Alexis, who turned instantly before laying the ball into Martial in the box, who we know has outstanding close control and touch in positions like that – seen in Lingard’s first goal against Arsenal earlier on in the season. The winger moved it on to Lukaku, whose first touch with his right foot took the ball away from Alonso’s challenge, allowing him to pass it into the corner with his left to make it 22 in all competitions. Brilliant.

The half ended with us on top, flying into tackles and Matic and Pogba thoroughly dominant, dribbling through the middle. Hazard had not had the ball as much as he is used to, thanks mainly to McTominay being instructed to stand on his toes and follow him round. It wasn’t an obvious job, like Herrera did in this fixture last year, but it was noticeable how many times it was the 6”4 Lancastrian who engaged first with Hazard, no matter where he received the ball.

The second half was all United as we put in an unbelievable demonstration of control, battling hard, winning the ball quickly, and setting our attackers away. The improvement was frightening, and we completely deserved the eventual win.

The towering Matic put in his best performance for ages, determined to show his former club what they were missing. With Pogba, carrying the ball at will, he bossed the midfield completely. While seeing him three times ghost past ‘world class’ Kante like a competitive dad versus his 3 year old son was hilarious, it was the moments when Pogba did not have to beat a man that was noticeable. Chelsea had failed to track Pogba’s runs, and were now often forced to hack clear the Frenchman’s attempted final balls. 3 in midfield suits us better, allowing Matic to go through games without blowing hard and freeing up Pogba to create.

Panna!

 

We can’t ignore Pogba treating Kante like his bitch every time they got 1 on 1 though. To think that our number 6 is often compared to that glorified marathon runner… he seemed determined to show who was boss. With a neat stepover he slipped past the Chelsea man, who promptly hacked him down for a yellow card, unable to compete with Pogba. He also got nutmegged in the second half, from a flick pass on the edge of the box. In direct opposition, there was no contest.

Lukaku was giving everything, his hold up play exemplary, his pace and power unreal. He was man of the match, completely answering his critics (like me) that he never does it against the big clubs. He was making the ball stick, laying the ball off to his colleagues, and never giving Chelsea’s three centre-backs a moment rest.

Sanchez hadn’t been amazing, often losing the ball for us by attempting a high-risk pass or dribble. But the genius was still on show, with a world class dig out cross from nothing for Lukaku to go close with a scissor kick. Courtois tipped it over, but United had the wind behind them.

Lingard was sent on and immediately energised things with his movement. United pushed further forward, seeking the winner, but this led to gaps for Chelsea. A 30 yarder from Drinkwater was parried away by De Gea poorly, and then he almost spilled a fairly simple and mild Willian free-kick over his own goal-line. A rare human performance for De Gea then, spilling everything, but in his defence the sun was in his eyes all second half and he was constantly putting his arm over his forehead to try and catch the flight of balls in the air. Why was some lackey not sent to his goal to chuck him a cap?

United went in front with a terrific goal. McTominay floated the ball forward, expertly spotting Lukaku’s run to the right hand side. He used his strength to hold off a challenge before a neat bit of footwork saw him make room for a delicious pin point cross onto the head of Lingard, who converted deftly. His late run had completely surprised Christensen. Another Lionel Jesse header! What a moment for the sub, and what a season he’s having. 2-1, and the Stretford End found its voice, expressing their gratitude to the Warrington Wizard. The atmosphere soon turned nervous again though, as almost straight from the kick off Willian ran on to a through ball and tried to catch De Gea out at his near post, but he denied him safely this time.

 

Conte didn’t waste time once Lingard’s 13^th goal in all competitions hit the net. He took off Moses for Giroud and went two up front, and long ball, keen to see if having two tall strikers on the field could create some knock downs for his side. A few minutes later, Fabregas was on as well to supply the ammunition.

In response to Conte’s changes, Mourinho went ultra-defensive and brought on Bailly for Sanchez, switching to 5-3-1-1. It made sense, but it led to an obvious change in the momentum, with Chelsea now taking control of the ball. Thankfully for us, Fabregas had been brought on far too late. By the time he’d got into the flow of the game, pinging passes around, United had adjusted to our new formation and were looking solid as a rock. The defence, and our gaffer, deserve credit for holding out against the Blues and their last ditch attacks on our goal. 

One more chance for United transpired when Lukaku picked up a loose ball inside his own half after United had hacked clear. He turned and accelerated, pushing the ball miles clear of him, leaving Chelsea defenders in his wake with his turn of speed and sudden burst. Up against the whole defence on his own, he got a shot off, blocked and out for an attacking throw-in, a perfect way to let the seconds tick by. It was the side of Lukaku we had rarely seen – picking up from deep and driving forward – given he’s usually wanting the ball in behind and is unwilling to get involved in the action too far away from goal. But perhaps the incredible run was a sign of things to come, that he can do his own heavy lifting at times.

At the other end, United were very lucky that Morata was flagged offside wrongly when hitting the back of the net to steal an equaliser. Mind, the United backline had stopped when the flag came up, so we will never know if Morata had got the space to score if the linesman never made the incorrect decision. Some fine timewasting at the end, particularly from Pogba and Lukaku, helped reduce Chelsea’s opportunities to launch it to their twin target men. One final chance came when a corner was conceded, but despite Courtois being up, the delivery was poor and Lingard duly smashed clear to the wonderful tone of the final whistle. Yes!



Judging by this pic, Sanchez has seemingly forgotten how terrifying celebrating a goal can be

If we play like we did in the second half every week, we would be right up there with City. Dynamic, energetic, clever runs and individual flair all combined in a greatest hits album. Lukaku, the title track in this already tortured metaphor, can be over the moon with his best game yet for United. Sure he scored one and made the other, but it was his all-round game, in a crucial match against one of the best defences, that really registered in my mind.

Martial was poor, and it has to be said that sometimes it is galling that Lingard outperforms him, someone with a third of his ability. It was frustrating seeing how little the ex-Monaco man moved off the ball – always wanting it to feet, rather than run in behind. The contrast with Lingard was stark; everything sped up when he came on, making an impact off the bench that is customary these days. He does seem to lift the team considerably on occasions. Of course, Lingard’s deficiencies in talent lead to some indifferent displays, like at Newcastle or against Spurs at Wembley. But he has, against the odds, made himself a cornerstone of the squad.

Some of the criticisms of Martial are ridiculous – for instance, the allegation that he doesn’t smile enough, and thus doesn’t want to be here and is miserable – but it has to be said his body language doesn’t give off a great vibe. When he was hooked, he fucking strolled off, at 1-1, when we had the momentum… it wasn’t a good look. (It was the type of petulant shit that Nani got hammered for. No danger of that given our cringe fanbase led by ‘Martial FC’ weirdos on twitter). This maybe is nit-picking, given that with the exception of decision making, Martial is among the best in the world for his age and seemingly only mental barriers will prevent him becoming world class. Even here, his lightning quick feet gave him an assist for the first goal. But still, it wouldn’t kill the lad to look a bit more motivated. Not that Jose will care too much about any of this – Lingard’s winner made it 10 league goals off the bench for us this season, a league high, and evidence that more often than not, the manager gets his subs spot-on.

McTominay was a huge positive. He didn’t quite put Hazard in his pocket like some suggested (I mean the Belgian carved us open for their goal) but it was a very good man-marking job against such a skilful player. The young lad responded really well after not tracking Willlian for that goal to put in a mature performance. Sure, his passing lacks a bit of variety, but he was composed, and United looked a better side with him in it. The kid showed considerable nerve to play in such a big game so early in his career. The fact that Chelsea’s star man was taken off with the result on the line said everything as to how intelligent and diligent McTominay had been in carrying out the task set by Mourinho. He’d seen off Hazard!

It should be said out loud – 1-0 down, being outplayed, we managed to turn it around, take control, and grab the points. When did that last happen? We certainly don’t win many from a goal down, but the second half performance, and the very best of Lukaku, demanded the spoils. What a victory.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 5.5; Valencia 7, Smalling 6.5, Lindelof 7, Young 6; McTominay 7.5, Matic 8.5, Pogba 8.5; Sanchez 6.5 (Bailly 81, 6), Lukaku 9, Martial 5.5 (Lingard 64, 7.5).

Chelsea (3-4-2-1) Courtois 7; Azpilicueta 6.5, Christensen 6.5, Rudiger 6; Moses 5.5 (Giroud 78, 6), Drinkwater 6 (Fabregas 81, 6), Kante 6, Alonso 7; Willian 7.5, Hazard 6.5 (Pedro 73, 6); Morata 5.5.

Look at the passion from Lukaku against his old club. YANITED

Manchester United vs Huddersfield (H) and Newcastle (A)

Manchester United 2-0 Huddersfield (Lukaku 55, Sanchez 68)

United got back on track with a comfortable win, in the end, over a very poor Huddersfield side who seemed to focus more on fouling Alexis Sanchez than attempting to score. A 15^th clean sheet of the season was never in doubt, and neither was the result once the deadlock was broken with an excellent goal; Nemanja Matic won the ball and fed it to Juan Mata on the left, who whipped in a class ball for Romelu Lukaku to volley home. His 19^th goal of the season ended the game as a contest, but it needed the second for United to be calm. Sanchez, making his Old Trafford debut, finished the game when he followed in his own saved penalty, after being fouled for the umpteenth time. He took control despite having a poor penalty record, (which only got worse here) but then again, so do quite a lot of our players.

The tenacious and determined Sanchez was the star of this show, taking the acclaim of the Stretford End at the end after an all-action performance. The Chilean on the mythical wages was the trigger for the attacks, always wanting the ball, drifting into space and driving in possession. While others talk about the numbers, Alexis will just get on with helping his new team win matches. He’d struggled at Spurs (like everyone else), but here was terrific.

It was off pitch stuff that was headline news. This was the Munich 60^th anniversary game, with the ‘We’ll Never Die’ flag passed around before kick-off. It was fitting on such a day that youth graduate Scott McTominay surprisingly started, after Paul Pogba was punished for his insolence against Spurs by being relegated to the bench. He wasn’t the only one, with Jones, Young, and Martial also dropping out. Pogba duly came on to help create the penalty situation, and hopefully Mourinho has sent him a message; He might be our best player, but he is still part of a team, and a squad. No one is safe from being dropped.

McTominay’s enduring memory from this occasion will be being pole-axed by Terence Kongolo in the area, but no penalty and red card was forthcoming, incredibly. That’s it, really. I mean, I didn’t even watch this game, to be honest. But no matter, the 3 points had been secured.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 6; Valencia 7, Smalling 6.5, Rojo 7, Shaw 6; McTominay 7, Matic 6.5; Mata 7 (Rashford 71, 6), Lingard 6 (Pogba 65, 7), Sanchez 8; Lukaku 7.5 (Martial 77, 6).

 

Newcastle 1-0 Manchester United (Ritchie 65)

 

Just when things appear as if they’re going to work out, Manchester United contrive to fall apart again. Once more in the post-Ferguson era, it was one step forward, one step back for the Reds. This defeat at St James’ is easily one of the most unforgivable, due to the meek surrender of the points, the chances spurned, and the lack of the quality on show from the opponents. The barcodes barely had to break sweat to keep up Rafa Benitez’s great head-to-head record against Jose Mourinho. Genuinely, I didn’t see this coming at all.

Mourinho picked the same XI that had slipped to defeat at Wembley, which basically confirmed that he does see Ashley Young as first choice left-back, for better or worse. His pool of players were left weakened by minor injuries to Herrera and Rashford, meaning they couldn’t travel. From memory, it was the first time since Rashford made his breakthrough that he had been forced to miss a game through injury. Still, there was plenty of attacking flair in the line-up, enough to overpower the Geordies, anyway.

The game had an electric beginning as Jonjo Shelvey sent in a piledriver which was kept out by De Gea, and Lukaku could only connect with an air-shot from an Alexis cross. Sanchez had started brightly, his elusive dribbling and the ability to ghost past markers evident from the off. But he didn’t get much opportunity to show this, as United were struggling to progress out of our half. Our centre-halves were having way too much of the ball, with Matic and Pogba not coming deep enough to help build attacks.

Newcastle had pace to burn through Chelsea loanee Kenedy, who stung the palms of De Gea with a fierce strike from 25 yards, but United began to find their feet and create chances. Lingard’s shot was pushed out for a corner by the debutant Martin Dubravka in goal, before the best chance of the half. Lukaku smartly touched the ball round the corner for Matic, who played Martial in with an incisive through ball. One-on-one, Martial blinked first, and his tame sidefooted effort was blocked well by the Slovakian international Dubravka, who I had never heard of before. I was expecting Karl Darlow between the sticks for the Geordies, but instead it was their deadline day loan signing from Sparta Prague. So of course, he was brilliant.

Juan Mata would’ve been useful in the first half. United had lots of the ball, decreasing the need for Lingard’s sharp movement, instead requiring the extra vision, guile, and creativity of Mata. At half time, the feeling was disappointment; the possession hadn’t translated into territory. It didn’t help that Martial, missed chance aside, was operating from the right, which he still seemed uncertain with. Again, it was worth asking why our most in-form forward had to change his position to accommodate Sanchez, rather than the other way around. To be fair to Alexis, he was a cut above his teammates in the first half, in particular Lingard, having a gash few minutes before the break, ruining counters.

United were in the middle of their best period of the game. Lukaku had the ball in the net on 53 minutes, but was adjudged to have pushed and climbed on the defender, which was probably true. Alexis dribbled through the defenders showing immense skill and change of direction, winning a corner after his shot was blocked, but then 2 minutes later he missed an unbelievable chance. Lukaku played him in with a world class ball, the Chilean rounded the keeper, but couldn’t quite sort his feet out in time and his weak effort was blocked before it could reach the empty net. Fuck.

United were complicit in their own downfall, missing these chances, and we were made to pay. Chris Smalling, the fucking donkey, didn’t learn from almost giving a penalty away in the first half, and dived over a challenge on the halfway line. Yep. Our 6”3 strong commanding centre-back dived, giving away a free-kick. Shelvey stood it up, Lejeune nodded it down, Gayle flicked it on, and Matt Ritchie had the freedom on Tyneside in the penalty area to convert past De Gea and put the Geordie nation into raptures. It was a decent training ground set-piece but the marking was non-existent. Fuck off Smalling. We had let the game drift, and now we were behind.

I mean...

 

United initially responded well, Ashley Young controlling a ball from Michael Carrick brilliantly and having a strike at goal saved. Oh yeah, that was Carrick, making his first league appearance of the season, on for Paul Pogba after the goal went in. The attention obviously fell on Pogba afterwards, and it is notable that after always playing 90 minutes, he now hasn’t completed it in the last 3 league games. He didn’t look fully fit, but when Shelvey plays around you like he did here, questions need to be asked. We need more, a lot more, from our talisman.

United then were too passive, too reactive, as Newcastle settled in a deep block. Jose threw his last roll of the dice, sending on Scott McTominay in place of Matic for extra threat in the air. We’ve spent over half a billion on the squad and yet when chasing the game we brought on McTominay and Carrick. Let that sink in.

Martial had the best chances, from a corner he had two bites of the cherry from close range but struck the same man on the line twice as the clock ticked by. Lukaku was having one of his best non-goal United games, but someone else needed to finish, and it just wasn't happening. Dubravka, who had played against England in September, was solid and communicative with his battling defence, always helping them. One final chance was saved again, from a Carrick prod late on, but Newcastle hoofed clear and the Geordies celebrated their win. An awful result for United.

So where do we start with that- can Pogba actually not play in a two? Is Matic shattered? Are Smalling and Jones an accident waiting to happen? Who knows. As shit as Smalling is and was, Newcastle kept a clean sheet. They hadn’t won at home for months and yet we scored 0 past them. That ain’t Smalling’s fault. The free-kick was just in our half, hardly a dangerous area for a set-piece. We should’ve had it covered. Credit should also be given to Benitez’s side, from their debutant keeper to the performance of Shelvey, reminiscent of his Swansea form that won him a few England caps.

It looks like we’ve lost the opportunity to be comfortable in 2^nd place and instead will have to scrap it out with the others to stay in the top 4. We’ve been given the chances to move clear by the mistakes and slip-ups from the rest but we’ve blown it and now will be unable to concentrate fully on the cups, which looked possible only a couple of weeks ago.  

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 6.5; Valencia 6, Smalling 4, Jones 6, Young 6; Pogba 5.5 (Carrick 66, 5.5), Matic 6 (McTominay 77, 5); Martial 5.5, Lingard 5 (Mata 66, 5.5), Sanchez 6.5; Lukaku 7.5.

Newcastle (4-4-1-1) Dubravka 8; Yedlin 6, Lascelles 7, Lejeune 7.5, Dummett 7; Ritchie 7.5, Diame 6.5, Shelvey 7, Kenedy 6.5 (Atsu 84); Perez 6 (Hayden 90+4); Gayle 6 (Joselu 80)