Man Utd 1-3 Crystal Palace

Manchester United 1-3 Crystal Palace (Van de Beek 80) (Townsend 7, Zaha 74 (pen), 85)

So here we go, 2020/2021. The start of the season is usually a time for hope, yet the prospect of empty stadiums for the foreseeable future has limited my excitement. If no one is there to watch it, did it really happen? Behind closed doors football is better than nothing though, and sure enough I was soon devouring the latest transfer news like everyone else. In any case, my eagerness for the football to return, or lack thereof, probably related more with my current displeasure with how Manchester United are run.

United started a week late after our involvement in Europe, and in that time the picture of the season ahead became clearer. Aubameyang and Grealish signed new deals with their clubs. Out of nowhere, Liverpool and Tottenham made transfer splashes with world superstars Thiago and Gareth Bale respectively; Diogo Jota and Sergio Regulion were mere footnotes. 

In this context it was more crucial than ever for United to make a good start, and so came the team news, with David De Gea preferred as expected to Dean Henderson. Paul Pogba, fresh from a positive Covid-19 test, partnered Scott McTominay in a double pivot, with Nemanja Matic not fit enough to make the squad. The right flank raised eyebrows, as a Fosu-Mensah and James combo was not the strongest available to the manager. Palace lined up in an attacking 4-4-2. A makeshift back four featured promising 21 year-old left-back Tyrick Mitchell (the beneficiary of Van Aanholt's injury in the last meeting between the sides) and a midfielder, Cheikhou Kouyate, in the centre. 

It was interesting to note pre-match that Mata, Pereira and Lingard, three players seen as exemplifying United's lack of quality options last season, were left out of the squad all together. While I've been critical of all three, you cannot with a straight face say that Ighalo is more worthy of a place in the 18 than them, and that's not even getting to the picking of Fosu-Mensah, a player whose loans at Palace and Fulham were mediocre at best. Nevertheless, the team must be given a chance, time to shut up and watch Ole's lot perform and stop my pessimism, right?

United weren't the team to watch in the first 20 minutes though. The visitors from South London fielded four players who can run at people in their 4-4-2, and pressed high. Straight away they targeted United's weak right hand side of James, McTominay and Fosu-Mensah. Only 5 minutes had gone before De Gea, unsettled by the press, passed straight to a Palace player who couldn't collect it properly. Pogba committed a couple of needless fouls to put us under pressure. It was a sign of things to come. 

The opening goal was astoundingly simple. Jeffrey Schlupp with a simple 3rd man run forward had caught out Fosu-Mensah who had been sucked in by the player coming short. Lindelof came across to cover far too slowly, and the ball came across the box to Andros Townsend who finished with Luke Shaw failing to track his run. Lindelof and Shaw, showing his new buzz cut, were at fault, guessing how the play was going to develop and not reading the danger. 

It was a horrible start but even worse was that United didn't respond, instead Palace carried on dominating. The home side were so sloppy, getting dispossessed regularly. Pogba in particular looked all at sea in the opening stages. Shaw was beaten easily but Townsend's daisy cutter went wide. On the 15 minute mark, Bruno Fernandes' horrible touch saw him robbed by Schlupp, and Wilfried Zaha led the first of what turned out to be many counters Palace had on the day. This one led to nothing, but in no time a poor back header by Lindelof required De Gea to sprint out of his goal to stop Zaha from having a shot. Palace looked hungry and full of running, United shocked by their aggression, embodied by Joel Ward, warrior-like in his desire to get blocks in.  

Gradually after 20 minutes or so the Red Devils got a foothold, getting moves going. After nice interplay, Rashford setup Pogba for a shot from the edge of the box, and Guaita made a good stop down to his right. Then McTominay curled wide from the inside left position after a sharp Bruno pass. But chances kept coming for Palace due to unforced errors. McTominay and Fosu-Mensah had a mix-up, however after a slick counter Townsend went for glory with a wild shot when Zaha was better positioned. 

Towards the end of the half United had almost nullified the Palace threat, and went in search of a goal. Palace, however, are marvellously coached by Roy Hodgson. While he named a positive team, the defensive fundamentals that are synonymous with his teams were clear as day. The shuffling across, the ability to cut out passing angles and organisation in general may not sound complex, but it requires painstaking attention to detail on the training ground to perfect. Remember it was a defence including a midfielder in Kouyate at centre-back. It is doubtful our manager makes a similar impression on his much better and valuable squad given the evidence of the tactical mess of the 2nd half. 

United were showing adequate movement for once, but the care in the pass was lacking. Even Anthony Martial's technique let him down, a dreadful touch ruining an attack and resulting in a free-kick for Palace, pressure released. The complacency after a quiet period for Palace kicked in, and it should have been 2-0 at half-time. Zaha led another break but Bruno, who always runs hard for the team, delayed him, leading to the ex-United winger moving it onto Jordan Ayew. The Ghanaian beat McTominay easily but De Gea made a top class save. From the resulting corner, after United half cleared the electric Zaha hit a tame effort wide, and the whistle blew. Phew.

James had seen more of the ball than Rashford and Martial. He had never beat his marker, always coming inside into traffic, the confidence gained from playing well for Wales nowhere to be seen. Mind, he wasn't helped by Fosu-Mensah who had never run beyond him; what does Ole see in him to pick him over Dalot? Palace might be disciplined, but without Matic holding the fort they knew we were vulnerable from counter attacks and thus pushed the front four forward. McTominay had shown some good stuff with his height and strength helping us keep the ball, but overall it was a tame performance from the Scot in the middle.

The manager made a sub at half-time, new no.11 Greenwood replacing James, but the second half started exactly the same as the first - Palace looking dangerous, United lax. McTominay lost out and Palace once again streaked away, Ayew shooting straight at De Gea. Pogba and Maguire sent simple balls straight to opposition. Our captain picked up a booking after Zaha, who had been coached by Solskjaer on loan at Cardiff, had beat him. It was relentless, Lindelof was looking so poor when he was exposed. 

United did improve, Pogba pinging some long passes as they changed strategy. On the hour came the big miss. Maguire switched to Fosu-Mensah, Rashford's run on the right gave him time to measure a cross onto Greenwood's head, but the boy wonder put it wide. His head ain't as clinical as his left. At the other end the ever impressive Zaha scored after the umpteenth break, but it was given correctly offside. Ole responded to this escape by bringing on Donny Van de Beek for his debut hooking Pogba. You couldn't argue with the sub, he was just too wasteful. 

Lindelof volleyed over from a very difficult chance after McTominay flicked on a corner, but Palace were still the team that looked more of a threat, attacking with pace against a back four clueless when they dropped back, the game would've been dead already if they had better forwards. McTominay wasn't able to give the defence any protection throughout the 2nd half. Once more they poured forward but Ayew didn't get proper contact on his shot. Or so I thought - VAR intervened to give a pen from this incident, for handball against Lindelof. Are. You. Kidding. Me. It was so quick, the Swede so close, but it's pointless moaning too much about VAR, something I was totally against from the beginning, as people like myself and Hodgson (who, to his credit, said it wasn't a pen after the match) seem to have lost the battle. 

Justice was done as De Gea stopped Ayew's relaxed pen, but the nerds stepped in again as our keeper was a few inches off the line, and Zaha sent the retake high into the net with a far better spot-kick. Palace completely deserved the 2-0 lead, but honestly, since when can you change the taker? De Gea's sarcastic applause summed it up. 

Van de Beek marked his debut with a goal, as for once Palace were at sixes and sevens at the back and the Dutchman calmly finished first time. On came Ighalo to pile on the pressure, but the hope didn't even last five minutes. Zaha, fired up after a little argument with Maguire following a heavy tackle, shrugged off the painfully weak Lindelof to arrow a shot into the corner, clinching the win and marking a virtuoso display. You couldn't argue with the result, United had been well beaten. Well done Palace, well done Zaha, well fucking done Man United. At no point did they look like they were going to even get a draw. They were lucky in fact that sub Eze was a bit selfish at the very end - the bench seems the right place for the talented young forward for now while he adjusts to the top flight. Countless blocked shots after running out of ideas mean nothing, and the final whistle came to our mercy, the players avoiding the inevitable boos that would've been ringing out in a full Old Trafford. That's two in a row for Palace at the biggest club stadium in England, the first time they've ever managed that.

The postmortem wasn't pretty. The much vaunted front 3 were held at bay easily. Greenwood made no impact at all. Martial started well enough, holding the ball up, a skill that doesn't always come easy to him. In the 2nd half though, he disappeared, and it was like playing with ten men. As for lockdown hero Rashford. he simply must offer more. He was on the periphery in every sense, and the first time he took on a defender was in the dying minutes on the right. The rest barely deserved comment. Ighalo, with all due respect, was never going to score. At least Van de Beek was impressive given the situation he arrived in, playing one touch, the Ajax style. 

We'll be better with everyone - especially Matic who was a huge miss - back and Ole mentioned the lack of break to the players. But due to his lack of rotation, we have many squad members who should be fresh - you can't say players like Bailly, Mata, Lingard, and Fred can't do a job against bloody Palace at home. A Palace side that hadn't scored more than twice in the whole of last season (The last time they did score 3 was against Cardiff in May 2019). It is galling that a side that has been put together for so much money struggles against a side who were without Dann, Van Aanholt, Tomkins and Cahill at the back. Hodgson worked with what he had to maximise the performance, and it was terrific. 

The young left back Mitchell was excellent, so quickly out to James, and then Greenwood, when they got the ball. Palace's holding pair were so good at closing the space, and McCarthy supported the four outlets at times too. Schlupp was a great pick in left midfield by Hodgson as up against our weak side he could attack 1 v 1, but was solid defensively as well. Townsend rolled back the years, driving with the ball from deep, working tirelessly to support his team and always reliable in the press. Ayew was asking questions of the defenders, if he was clinical, it could've been a rout. 

Nonetheless, it was all about Zaha. In the first half his maturity was on show, as he won fouls up the pitch, held it up and made the correct decisions in and out of possession. His tremendous stamina allowed him chances to run at defenders and always give Palace an outball, and his selfless attitude created chances for his teammates. He fully deserved the two goals against his former club which never gave him a proper chance and the ongoing professionalism he shows despite clearly wanting to leave is testament to both himself and Hodgson.

Signings are needed to challenge for the title, not to not lose 3-1 to Palace at home. Sancho would be lovely but his arrival would not change the fact that Ole is out of his depth. He never really gets the criticism either. United were in the end outplayed by a side featuring one player who gets into our team and yet again the press reacted to the loss by saying we don't have good enough players. It's mind-boggling. 

It's important not to be too reactionary after just one game; Palace were ready and match-fit, whereas United have essentially back-to-back seasons to deal with. Zaha was decisive in a way not many will match this season. This was a crazy game week in general, 44 goals scored (beating the goals record for a 20 team Premier League) and dodgy penalties awarded frequently. But my word, United have to improve fast. Transfers will be demanded by many, although a bit of coaching wouldn't go amiss. 

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Fosu-Mensah 4.5 (Ighalo 81, 5), Lindelof 3.5, Maguire 5.5, Shaw 4.5; McTominay 4, Pogba 5 (Van de Beek 67, 6.5); James 5 (Greenwood 46, 5), Fernandes 5.5, Rashford 4; Martial 4.

Palace (4-4-2) Guaita 7; Ward 7.5, Kouyate 7, Sakho 7.5, Mitchell 8; Townsend 8.5, McCarthy 7.5 (Milivojevic 88), McArthur 7, Schlupp 8 (Eze 75, 5.5); Ayew 7.5 (Batshuayi 81), Zaha 9.5.

2018 FA Cup Final - Manchester United 0-1 Chelsea

Manchester United 0-1 Chelsea (Hazard 22 pen)

 

United slipped meekly to defeat in the Cup Final, going out while barely landing a punch on an unspectacular Chelsea team on a spirit-sapping day at Wembley. It was grim, and a bit boring. So much attacking talent, so little threat and bite. A frustrating season ending in a quite fitting way. Too slow, too scared, and second best. Shit.

What’s there to say when we lose like that? It wasn’t a 4-0 romp, we had been defeated only by a penalty from Eden Hazard, and the possession and shots statistics were in our favour. But don’t let the numbers fool you into thinking United were at all impressive out there. It was robotic, stunted, and downright dull. They looked out of ideas too early and energetic too late, a sad end to the season given the optimism with which it had begun. 

United were the favourites going into the last domestic fixture of the season, having finished 3 places above Chelsea in the table. I was very nervous at the start, but then I always am in occasions such as these. Post-Ferugson, it’s no longer a given that United will always be making finals and consistently playing at Wembley, so there is no way I’m turning my nose up at any cup, especially when we’re in the final. Having been at Wembley myself last month to see us dispatch an in-form Spurs, I was quietly confident we could do the same to Chelsea.

The good news for United was that Martial and Lukaku hadn’t been ruled out as had been feared, and were available. The bad news was that neither started – although Martial probably would not have anyway, even if he was 100% fit. Fellaini missed out as well. It was a blow for United to be missing their main goalscorer, as much for his hold up play and bullying of centre-halves as anything else. With Chelsea, a physical game was expected, so to line up instead with Rashford was a bit of weakness.

Not that I thought so before kick-off. While Lukaku starting on the bench was not perfect, I was excited to see young Rash run at Chelsea’s backline. I remembered how he had led the line brilliantly against Chelsea in our 2-0 home win in April 2017, springing Conte’s offside trap regularly. On paper, a front three of Jesse Lingard, Rashford and Alexis Sanchez looked dynamic, pacey and fluid. So apart from Lukaku it was the same team that beat Spurs in the semi – which meant Eric Bailly, who most think is our best defender, was left on the bench. Smalling and Jones had credit in the bank, sure, but the treatment of Bailly by Mourinho in recent weeks has been utterly baffling.

Chelsea went defensive, going with only two forward thinking players really, with Fabregas used mainly to retain possession. Bakayoko has been one of the worst signings across Europe for the 17/18 season, but Antonio Conte placed faith in the Frenchman to make sure his team didn’t get outnumbered In the middle of the park, resisting the temptation to pick Pedro or Willian. Having scored in the semi over Southampton, January purchase Olivier Giroud was preferred over record signing Alvaro Morata.

Chelsea started the better, with Hazard finding space on the left flank on the counter after United had given the ball away carelessly, and shooting at goal with his left foot after running at Jones. De Gea made a smart stop, and United cleared, but that was pretty much that for the opening exchanges. It was a typical final start to be honest, with both sides wanting to ease themselves into the game, and very little in the way of shots on goal. The cagey start didn’t stop both sides gifting the other possession constantly with sloppy errant passes. For the Cup final, it was a game desperately low on quality. It needed a goal really.

It soon got one. Chelsea won the ball back in their half and Fabregas had time to set Hazard away with a long pass; his first touch was exemplary and suddenly Phil Jones was on the back foot. The England world cup defender just about kept pace with Hazard but was unable to get goalside, and decided to go for a last-ditch tackle. I couldn’t really blame him, but the execution was clumsy and it was penalty and a yellow card. From the spot there’s few who are calmer than Hazard and the Belgian duly rolled the ball into the net, sending De Gea the other way.

United initially reacted like I’d want. Herrera pushed up from his ersatz right-back position (to nullify Hazard, and make it easier for him to be man-marked, which had already proven flawed when Chelsea’s star man moved to the right to create the goal) and United created a chance for Pogba from 25 yards, who shot wide. It was the first effort from United to test Chelsea’s defence and keeper.

 


There was very little width for United. Chelsea were extraordinarily compact

Why were United so lacking in attacking vigour? Well, for starters Rashford was having a stinker. The ball was bouncing off him, he was picking the wrong passes, and he was getting outmuscled. Worst of all he wasn’t making the runs in behind that could’ve been so dangerous; instead he came deep, or ran the channels. This often led to the absurd situation where United had the ball in a crossing position but the only man in the box was Sanchez, a man never likely to win a battle in the air with 3 centre-backs. That’s if we had anyone in the box at all, sometimes they had no one to mark and United were simply trying pot-shots from long range.

It didn’t help that Lingard was having a poor start as well, as he wasn’t either wide or forward enough to impact the game like he should. With Sanchez drifting infield as well, width was like gold dust for United. Ashley Young was enterprising enough, happy to take defenders on, but is always hamstrung by his general lack of quality – a problem for Chelsea also, regarding Victor Moses. We were ponderous, too, recycling the ball 30 yards from goal, always taking too many touches, waiting for someone to try a mazy run or an ambitious through ball which seldom happened.

The first half ended just as United’s best moment had come, as someone did indeed perform a mazy run. Pogba motored with the ball through the centre and played a one-two with Sanchez before laying it off to Rashford, who only contrived to scuff his attempted shot straight at a Chelsea defender.

At half-time the overriding feeling was that this was an awful match. There had only been two real chances – the penalty, and the other aforementioned Hazard shot. As good as the Belgian and Fabregas had been, it wasn’t enough to escape the reality that it was an utterly dreadful game, the opposite of what you would want in the showpiece of English football. It had also gone against the theme of recent Cup finals, which have generally been entertaining; look no further than United’s incident-packed triumph over Crystal Palace in 2016 for proof.

Mourinho had obviously got into them at half-time as United started the second half with great intensity, determined to get back on terms. From minute 45-65, United had a great spell, pinning Chelsea back and looking like they were going to score eventually. Of course, Chelsea could afford to sit deep having gone in front so early, and it suited the personnel they had out there. Their attacks in the second half were exclusively counters, with long passes looking for the incisive movement of Hazard.

Valencia, who had been unbelievably ineffective in the first half despite having heaps of the ball, finally made a forward run inside Marcos Alonso picked out by Herrera, also making his first risky pass. We were in behind, but instead of Valencia going for goal or picking out Sanchez he pulled it back straight to Fabregas. Stupid prick. Sanchez instantly won it back with a tigerish sliding tackle and the ball broke for Rashford 20 yards out, who forced a save from Courtois with his powerful but a bit too central strike. The crowd were up for it now and Kante and Rudiger both made vital interceptions just as United were breaking through.

United won a lot of set-pieces in this period, with Chelsea under pressure and looking to break the rhythm of United with fouls. Unfortunately most of them were taken by Rashford, who booted it straight at the first man most of the time. It was mind-numbing to see him on those duties when he was having such a poor day at sending them in, not even considering that as a forward over 6 feet, you would probably want him in the box anyway. Mind you, he did pull out one top delivery from the right when his free-kick was converted by Sanchez on the follow up, although he was offside. Still, United were pushing, with Young starting to play very high up the pitch. Matic had a 30 yarder parried by the rock-solid Courtois.

But United gradually fizzled out, the zip fading from our passing, the lack of pace in our play telling. It was the Blues that had the next big chance with Kante skipping through the tackles to set up Alonso who was denied by De Gea, before Moses hit the ball at Young’s arm in the area. Really, it was too close for the ref to give another penalty.

Out of nowhere came an opportunity for Rashford after a training ground move, with Pogba finding Lingard in his favourite pocket. He let the ball run before slipping in his best mate one-on-one. It was by no means the easiest of chances with a massive keeper coming out and Rashford having to stretch a bit, but it had to go in. Lukaku, I suspect, would’ve found the net with it. Instead, Courtois saved and Mourinho responded by hooking Rashford and Lingard. Taking off Jesse was a tad puzzling in my opinion, just as the number 14 was getting into the game.

So Lukaku and Martial (left out of the French World Cup squad in midweek, prompting more rumours of his exit) were on. I was screaming for Mata as well for Herrera, who seemed to not be aware we were losing, given the fact he wasn’t moving forward with the ball and was still playing the safest passes he could. There are times when Herrera just isn’t needed and today was one of them. His main job was to stop Hazard, who had put us behind - although the Spaniard couldn’t be blamed for the goal which wasn’t in his area. But then, what was he on for now? If Mata had been given more time, he could’ve found a key pass to unlock the door. Instead Herrera finished the game, one of his least memorable in a red shirt. He wasn’t being helped by his captain Valencia though, who was constantly turning back into midfield when he had the chance to get to the by-line.

By now Conte had instructed his team to give up on attacking, and you couldn’t blame them. The only threat was Phil Jones getting injured after a robust challenge by Giroud required him to put on a head bandage, the only thing the dreamy Frenchman did all game. It was all United, but it was all in front of the defence. We weren’t isolating their players or giving them different things to think about. We became increasingly route one, but Cahill and Rudiger were having a comfortable time of it.

The biggest chance fell to Paul Pogba, who screwed a free header wide from a Martial corner. That was the moment really, the only time the Chelsea team switched off. The £89m man had the freedom of Wembley, he had to do better, to at least get it on target. Alas, it wasn’t to be. Chelsea controlled the last 10 minutes, wasting time expertly with their subs taking decades to complete. Martial after a decent run had a little opening, but he found row J. Late sub Mata, of all people, conceded two corners in the dying minutes as the Chelsea supporters loudly cheered every single throw in and corner won, delighting in their players forcing United back, further and further away from a goal that would take it to extra time.



Chelsea celebrate with the famous old trophy

 

The whistle went and Conte was jubilant. For all that this season has been a failure for the Blues (not enough has been said about the reigning champions spending north of £200m,  finishing 5^th and 23 points worse than last season) their manager deserved this moment I think, given the turmoil he’s been faced with off the field. It was his first domestic cup as a manager. Even at their worst, Chelsea seem to be able to churn out trophies, exemplified by Cahill lifting the cup after a difficult season for him personally. Although United in mitigation could say De Gea had nothing to do, Chelsea could respond by saying they never really looked in trouble.

Like it or not, it’s likely if Fellaini had been available for the last 20 minutes we could’ve nicked an equaliser. Chelsea were very comfortable in the air against United, as a half-fit Lukaku couldn’t impose himself as usual against their big defenders. If the big man had been there, Chelsea would’ve been forced to mark him, perhaps even assigning two on him, in turn creating space for others. In the 93^rd minute Matic tamely headed over; if that had been Fellaini it could’ve been different. Though the very idea that United missed Fellaini out there suggests how shocking they were.

While Valencia is hardly the biggest problem at United, in football today the full-backs are so important, and indeed no one got the ball more for United in threatening positions than him and Young. I really don’t want to watch a lot more of him receiving the ball, doing that little leg shuffle, then passing backwards. The captain for the day was really pathetic, seemingly unable to dribble anymore, offering nothing. Young was giving it his all, offering his teammates an option, but as I’ve already said, he just isn’t that good, willing but unable to change the game.

Sanchez has played 18 times for United since he arrived, and has scored a grand total of 3 goals, one of which was a penalty rebound. It is not reactionary to say he has been downright crap for us given his handsome wages. The man has an awesome record at Wembley – I saw it for myself in the semi-final, when he was excellent – but he did fuck all in the final, like in a lot of games he has played so far for us. Spurs and City away apart, he has not been the player we all expected him to be, or saw at Arsenal. In the summer, he will have his first extended break from football since 2013. Let’s hope he comes back refreshed, because more of this will be hard to accept from such a talented player.

It’s not just Sanchez. Pogba as well was disappointing. He was decent, don’t get me wrong, helping us progress forward and running hard all afternoon. But where was an imposing display from our best player in what turned out to be the biggest game of the season? Where was the Lingard from the winter? But most all, where was the master of finals, the serial winner that is Jose Mourinho? He had his own tactics based on organisation and concentration used against him by a man who he had a spat with earlier on in the campaign. I hope it hurt him, as ending the season trophyless should hurt all of them, even though there are clear signs of progress from last season.

For us not to score against a team playing like *that* is slightly embarrassing. It’s one thing playing on the counter but there were essentially only two attacking players in their line-up. They were sharp in the first half, decisive in the penalty incident, and to be fair, retained their focus and concentration against the almost constant United possession in the 2^nd half. They did deserve their eighth FA Cup, even if for the neutral it was like watching paint dry.

It’s been a good season, generally, but it has definitely been tarnished by this schoolboy performance. Thankfully the world cup arrives to stop us from licking our wounds all summer.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Valencia 5.5, Smalling 6, Jones 5 (Mata 87), Young 6; Herrera 4.5, Matic 5.5, Pogba 6; Lingard 5 (Martial 73, 4), Rashford 3.5 (Lukaku 73, 5), Sanchez 5.

Chelsea (5-3-2) Courtois 7.5; Moses 6, Azpilicueta 6, Cahill 7, Rudiger 7, Alonso 5.5; Fabregas 6.5, Kante 7, Bakayoko 5; Giroud 4.5 (Morata 89), Hazard 7 (Willian 90+1).

Manchester United 1-0 Watford Last day of season/Carrick's farewell

Manchester United 1-0 Watford (Rashford 34)

This was game so full of action that it was stone dead last out of 10 games on Match of the Day even with the bonus element of it being the last game of Michael Carrick’s professional career. To be fair though, it was a dull affair. It could hardly compare to John Motson’s last commentary, Arsene Wenger bringing down the curtain on his dynasty, Man City clinching 100 (One hundred!) points with a Jesus goal in stoppage time, Chelsea blowing their top 4 hopes with a 3-0 reverse at Newcastle, Salah scoring his record-breaking 32^nd of the season, Swansea going down and last but definitely not least (in fact it was 1^st on the show) a 5-4 humdinger between Spurs and Leicester with Kane and Vardy both bagging braces to start the hope and hype trains for the World Cup.

Phew. Well what about us then? Well, a year after his testimonial that I attended, Carrick had a watered down version, with both teams not exactly firing on all cylinders. One of Fergie’s best signings and one of the most consistent players I have been fortunate to watch over the years deserved his farewell, and he had the whole shebang – kids as mascots, a guard of honour, speech after the game. Now I love Carrick, but, like I said, he’d already had his testimonial and seeing as he is going to join the coaching staff it’s not exactly a goodbye…. but anyway this is carping. He was a wonderful player, one of my favourites, and the crowd sang his name throughout.

We took the lead with a goal fitting the occasion, only because it was the vision of Carrick that created it. The Geordie Xavi found Mata’s run with a pinpoint lofted pass behind the defence, the sort of pass United fans have loved watching since 2006. The ball got what it deserved with a superb first touch, meaning Mata had plenty of time to square for Rashford to pass the ball into the net. This prompted some to wonder if Carrick should’ve played some more this season. Having watched him in the second half, let’s just be happy we saw some top passes in his last game!

United’s defence wasn’t the most solid even though Watford were barely trying. Bailly was very relaxed, and Rojo was erratic in the extreme. The Argentine made up for it though, with some quality last-ditch tackles and blocks, even though he was saved by the linesman’s flag after gifting the ball to Andre Gray after seemingly having a brain-fart. Romero, playing his 1^st league game this season, made a quality save from Richarlison’s header from point-blank range, reminding us that we have one of the best no.2’s in the world, as well as newly-golden-gloved De Gea.

The fan and players' player of the season with his 1st Golden Glove award pre-match

Limited game time among a lot of the players recently, and the eleven named rarely playing together led to a flat game. Martial left the ground before kick-off with an ‘injury’ setting the rumour mill ablaze. Sanchez looked a bit tired, but Rashford was anything but, pretty much the only one working hard, desperate to show Mourinho something. Unfortunately on the ball, there was not much quality from the lad. The game ebbed out meekly, and it will be remembered for Carrick’s farewell and nothing else. The skipper was subbed to a final standing ovation, and looked very happy on the bench at his reception. Then the crowd found their voice, signing ‘Ferguson’s red army’ and ‘every single one of us’ in tribute to the boss who is in hospital after his brain haemorrhage. Carrick said some nice words about him post-match as well.

It’s possible it’s the end for Darmian, and Blind too. The Dutchman recycled the ball, and that’s it. No risks on only his 7^th league appearance of the season, hardly a convincing argument for keeping him. As for Cup final places, if Lukaku and now Martial don’t make it, out of nowhere Mata could start after being the best player on the park – admittedly from not much competition. That’s what the focus is on, beating Chelsea to cap the season off. Carrick almost certainly won’t be involved in that one, but the day belonged to him, and quite right too. It was a pleasure, lad.

United (4-3-3) Romero 7; Darmian 6, Bailly 5.5, Rojo 6, Young 6.5 (Shaw 60, 6); McTominay 6.5, Carrick 6 (Pogba 85), Blind 6 (Herrera 77, 5.5); Mata 7, Rashford 6, Sanchez 5.5.

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United Thursday 10th May

West Ham 0-0 Manchester United

I didn’t watch this game, and after scouring the web for a highlights package that lasted longer than 6 minutes, it seems like I had a lucky escape, with the only real positive being this will be the last time we ever wear this horrendous quasi-greyish strip. Almost nothing happened in this encounter other than an entertaining scrap near the end between Paul Pogba and the personification of West Ham, Mark Noble. Think about it. A high opinion of yourself despite evidence to the contrary, really angry for no apparent reason, desperately mediocre, a feeling of being wronged etc etc.

Nonetheless, I don’t really having anything against Noble, a willing trier who has to deal with all sorts of shite being the captain of his boyhood team, including having to deck one of his own fans earlier in the season in West Ham’s nadir, a home defeat by Burnley. Since then David Moyes, who was barely acknowledged by the United fans, has steadied the ship and brought them to safety, helped out by Marco Arnautovic deciding that he is arsed after all. With him, Lanzini, Carroll, Chicharito, Antonio, Reid and the experience of Zabaleta and latterly Evra, how the hell were they in trouble for so long? It’s true they have struggled with a big chunk of the squad spending the majority of the campaign on the treatment table. But even with consistent absences West Ham have weapons that other teams in similar predicaments this season just didn’t have.

United played a back 5. A real, Italian style one, not a back 3. With McTominay and Herrera also there protecting De Gea’s 18^th clean sheet (the one he needed for a maiden Golden Glove), it was clear it wouldn’t be like watching 1970’s Brazil. Mourinho left Martial and Rashford, two who could do something watchable, on the bench - a clear message that they’ve blown their Cup final chances. Still, Adrian had to make some impressive saves to keep it goalless, as the 8 changes from Brighton didn’t have the anticipated effect of a better performance. Lingard buzzed around in a sort of shadow-striker role, demonstrating his intelligence and adaptability, and was our best goal threat. Shaw did well on the left flank with plenty of runs forward, and that was it really. We clinched 2^nd and no one got injured. Bring on the Cup final so we avoid watching this dead-rubber dross please.

United (5-3-1-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 6.5 (Bailly 90+4), Lindelof 6, Smalling 6, Jones 6, Shaw 7; Herrera 6, McTominay 5, Pogba 5.5; Lingard 7.5 (Rashford 74, 5.5); Sanchez 5.5 (Young 90+2).

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United 18th April

Bournemouth 0-2 Manchester United (Smalling 28, Lukaku 70)

United warmed up for the Cup semi vs Spurs by dispatching a spirited Bournemouth XI, bouncing back from the defeat by West Brom well with a professional display. 

Mourinho made seven changes from that shocking game, partly as a reaction to the performance, partly to rest certain individuals for Spurs. So United started a league match without Lukaku and Matic for the first time in 17/18, with Valencia rested completely as well. Only De Gea, Herrera, Pogba and Smalling retained their spot but the real story was the selection of Luke Shaw and, amazingly, the player I dislike most in the current squad, Matteo Darmian. The Italian had almost disappeared from view but here he was, starting in the league for us for the first time since *checks soccerbase* the 0-0 draw at Liverpool on the 14^th October. This game was on 18^th April, for god’s sake. I’m never happy when he plays but he did ok considering he was brought in from the cold at short notice.

Shaw again looked a little too rotund for my liking… at this stage, you can only laugh really. But to be fair to the man fond of a Big Mac, he played well in the much changed defence, although he wasn’t the star of it. That was the recalled Phil Jones, who was showing plenty of effort and passion, dominating the area and winning the ball back numerous times.

The first goal was lovely. Herrera played a through ball down the right between the channels for Lingard to run onto, as opposed to most of the game when everything had been to feet, forcing the receiver to trap and control it. But this time, Lingard was able to instantly cross, and with all the Bournemouth defenders facing their own goal and not wanting to commit to a potential own-goal, Smalling, - the new Van Nistelrooy over the last month - was there to stab home. 3 goals in 3 away games for our new striker Smalling.

That opened up space and for the rest of the match the home defenders were constantly being turned by United’s pacey forwards, but the finish eluded them despite plenty of good approach play. Martial and Rashford buzzed around nicely but we were missing a real penalty box player to get on the end of the balls in. Unlike a lot of games this season, United weren’t particularly static, but we didn’t look like getting another goal.

That was until Lukaku came on and instantly gave United a convincing threat up top. It was he who finished off Bournemouth with the second goal. He ran into green space, and the ball was played into his path on his left side by Pogba enabling him to tuck it away without breaking stride. It was another simple goal, but so pleasing to witness for a team that sometimes like to overcomplicate things. Runs in behind, accurate passes = goals.

Matic came on for Herrera, and Pogba pushed up, exclusively playing in their half, and dribbling with the ball at his feet all the time. Our main man was feeding Martial, Lukaku and Rashford as well as looking for sights of goal himself. Just when he was really getting into his groove Mourinho subbed him, with a slight wry smile on his face I’m sure. Let the press write their crap – with the Cup semi on the weekend, the more minutes Pogba rests for the better.

Pogba’s replacement was Daley Blind, who like Darmian has spent most of the season on the bench or in the stands despite being available. (Although Blind was injured for 6 weeks during February and March). The Dutchman took the field for the first time since the 3^rd round Fa Cup win over Derby on the 5^th of Jan, and only 2 minutes after coming on shanked horribly at the ball when given the chance to shoot. It rather summed up a season where his previously quite decent United career has tailed off horribly. He started the first 3 fixtures but Young took the left-back spot and has never really been in danger since. Blind played all the European group matches but like Darmian appears to have been punished for the Bristol City loss. Although I hold him no malice (unlike that Italian prick) his time at United is surely up in the summer with the team barely noticing his absence all season. I mean, this was only his 6^th league appearance of the campaign.

The back 4 – even Darmian despite everything - defended well as part of the unit to allow United to see the game out pretty easily in the end, the expected onslaught from the home team never really arriving due to United’s experience and their own lack of quality creative players. Not that the crowd left at full-time annoyed by the action – far from it, as it was a raucous atmosphere from the very first minute to the last, the fans fully appreciative of their players despite the loss. Why not, when Eddie Howe has masterminded yet another season dining at the top tier for the small south coast club. So a decent win, but it’s Spurs, Wembley, and the Cup that takes our attention now.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6.5; Darmian 6.5, Smalling 7, Jones 8, Shaw 6.5; Herrera 7 (Matic 72, 6), Fellaini 6, Pogba 7.5 (Blind 80, 5); Lingard 6.5 (Lukaku 62, 7.5), Rashford 6.5, Martial 6;

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom 15th April

Manchester United 0-1 West Brom (Rodriguez 73)

Fans of every single club in England, without fail, believe that their club love ‘doing it the hard way’. “Typical City” the Berties would bitterly mutter as their shite heroes slipped into the third tier. “Classic West Ham, never making it easy for ourselves” sigh the Green Street veterans after another pathetic performance, now forever condemned to watching football at an athletics stadium (admittedly a world-class one). Mostly, even for the rubbish clubs, this is utter bollocks. Even at United - the most successful team in the country remember – there persists a feeling from a sizable number of supporters that a trophy is only ever won in strife, and some of the recent domestic cup victories prove them right. After watching United lose to a West Brom outfit already essentially down, propping up the table and with a caretaker manager, only a week after the result of the season at the Etihad, you wonder if the cliché does ring true.

Of course, having 8 of the finest selection of young British players of all time lose their life in a plane crash with their potential not even slightly fulfilled would probably qualify for ‘doing it the hard way’. But generally, even the bad times at Old Trafford aren’t too bad. Despite this dreadful 90 minutes, United still could finish 2^nd and lift the FA Cup, which would be a very good season. But it is the inconsistency and the lack of ability to build on wins that so frustrates the crowd when it comes to Mourinho’s Manchester United. How were his team so lethargic after the high of Smalling’s winner at City?

It’s not as if West Brom were any good. They should always be respected – this was incredibly their 3^rd league win at Old Trafford since Ferguson retired – but they were and are rock bottom of the league, desperately low on confidence, sleepwalking to the Championship under temporary boss Darren Moore, after the appointment of Alan Pardew spectacularly failed. Their lack of attacking prowess is almost hilarious, and yet they won at our home, a place where Mourinho has only lost to two other teams – City and Sevilla. In the process leaving us 16 points behind with 5 games to play, meaning the Champions-elect became the Champions. It was their first league win since January for fucks sake.

WBA didn’t need to be special or even average to win, for United were abject. Slow, ponderous, and lacking in ideas, we looked like we were the team who had given up for the season. The contrast with the chest beating after the derby win was stark. Only two changes had been made – Lindelof for Bailly and Mata for Lingard – yet the change in tempo was like a chasm.  It was really hard to recall any moments of dominance or great football. We had the ball, but didn’t do a lot. We had the territory, yet rarely turned the defenders or tested the keeper. It was all very dreary. Lukaku had a chance saved. Herrera had a penalty claim waved away. That was it for the first half.

A familiar issue in all of United’s poor games this season has been lack of width and once again it was on show. Mata and the totally wasteful Sanchez both drifted inside, with Pogba, Herrera and Lukaku already there. The result? A congested mess when we go forward, practically tripping over ourselves in the search for space. With Valencia and Young either unwilling or unable to push high up, United were stale, relying on little bits of quality to open up a stout defence.

Albion were panicking whenever they had the ball, almost terrified that they could actually come away with a result. The golden chance inevitably came on the hour mark and it fell to Lukaku, just who United would’ve wanted it to. Matic picked him out with a fine cross and he did nothing wrong with his header. Nothing. It was powerful and goalbound, but Ben Foster flung himself to his left and pulled off a magnificent save. Rom couldn’t believe it, and the WBA lads probably thought then and there they could nick it.

It was from a corner, obviously. You can take the Tony Pulis out of the team etc. Brunt swung it in, Matic lost his man at the far post and desperately headed it himself back into the six yard box, where Jay Rodriguez had escaped Lukaku to score. Another goal conceded from a set-piece that Lukaku is culpable for then. There really is no point having him in there if he is so shit at marking, just leave the guy up top. You couldn’t blame him too much though, he barely got a kick against the bottom team due to his teammates actions.

There was no onslaught or siege on to the Stretford End goal afterwards. Even the introduction of Lingard, Rashford and Martial didn’t lead to anything tangible, despite all three being renowned for their effectiveness off the bench this season. More urgency, more crosses and Smalling being used as an unorthodox centre-forward, but no real danger for the well organised Baggies. United looked out of ideas, and in the end deserved to slip to a 6^th league defeat of the season, just when you least expected it. It was probably one of the shocks of the season, an incredibly disappointing coupon-buster, but it didn’t feel disastrous in any way. Just that United had been punished for lazily strolling through a game, and given we had been losing to Chelsea, Palace and City recently, you can hardly say a loss wasn’t coming.

The one silver lining was the knowledge that City won the title in a quite pathetic way, watching the TV draped over their Sunday dinner on a wet and miserable evening. Some might ask how City mathematically clinching the league could ever be good, but when you consider at half time last week we were facing the threat of them releasing thousands of fireworks at their stadium in front of us after thrashing their rivals, you begin to understand why this was a bit easier to swallow. They were denied their champagne moment. In any case, they’ve had it wrapped up since late December 2017, so any feelings of despair have long since been dealt with. They can enjoy the last 5 games, whereas United go to Bournemouth as a warm up for an enormous Cup semi with Spurs. It would’ve been beneficial to have been on a run of wins before that crunch game, but United never do it the easy way, do they?

United (4-3-3) De Gea 7; Valencia 5, Smalling 6, Lindelof 6, Young 3.5 (Rashford 75, 5); Herrera 5 (Lingard 46, 5), Matic 5, Pogba 5 (Martial 58, 6); Mata 5, Lukaku 5.5, Sanchez 4.5. 

Manchester United 2-0 Brighton FA Cup 6th Round

Manchester United 2-0 Brighton (Lukaku 37, Matic 83)

 

The fixture after the midweek before. The aftermath of the Sevilla defeat lasted right up until kick-off here, with the manager pre-match press conference an extraordinary example of the fight that Jose Mourinho has always been known for. As United’s season was punctured on Tuesday the boss was already looking for the distraction, an angle of excuses.

It was something, even so. An impassioned 12 minute defence of his record in the Champions League, and a football history lesson of United’s substandard performances post-Ferguson. The Portuguese reeled off United’s league positions, and compared them with City, to show how difficult it was and is for him to bridge the gap. He then listed European results after 2011, bluntly saying “this is football heritage” after every point. It might well be useful to mention Sevilla’s excellent European record, but this weekend they lost to Leganes. The Spanish minnows must have some heritage they’re hiding in their tiny ground, eh Jose?

Not that my rather pithy last sentence detracts from the good feeling I got from watching Mourinho hammer home his point that United are shit and he is desperate to turn us around. Because he was spot on. United have been poor, especially in Europe. That doesn’t explain a loss to Sevilla, a result that will hang over the club for a good few months, but perhaps should help explain why the reaction is not immediately to get rid of Mourinho.

You might’ve forgotten there was also an FA Cup Quarter-Final to win. The game was ugly, with very little to write home about. Thankfully for the manager, two of his most trusted lieutenants – Romelu Lukaku and Nemanja Matic – scored to send us to Wembley.

Lukaku, fast becoming a leader in this team, hit his 25^th of the season from a Matic cross, and then followed numerous Brighton chances against pedestrian passing of the home side. The toothless nature of the South Coast attack, combined with the commanding display of cup keeper Romero meant that United were never really in trouble, but it wasn’t in the slightest the sort of response the faithful would’ve wanted after Sevilla. Only when the second goal was scored did we look comfortable, when Matic nodded in a quality free-kick from Ashley Young.

Young? Ah yes. For the utility man had come on at half time for Luke Shaw, who was yet again publicly slammed by his manager afterwards for a dreadful performance. Shaw hadn’t been great, but I certainly wouldn’t have hooked him at half-time. The England left-back is definitely too fond of a pizza or three but has it actually had an impact on his football? Is Shaw being bullied by a bitter coach? Shaw’s United career seems at an end, whatever the real truth.

Pogba and for the first time Sanchez were left on the bench, but it barely got a mention afterwards as post-match quotes again took centre stage. It wasn’t just Shaw, almost every player received criticism, and some might say it was just deserts for underperforming players.  Mourinho questioned whether we were scared to play, although Matic was described as “an island of personality” in terms of his mentality compared to some others.

There was encouragement in the stands at least for a singing section experiment that was a big success. The traditional area of the away fans was instead populated by some of the most boisterous members of the Red Army, with the Brighton fans shoved into Tier 2 of the East Stand. The result was a massive boost to the atmosphere inside Old Trafford, as the acoustics in that part of the ground where the East and South stands meet are so much better and conducive for signing than other areas. Unlike the current signing section, no one was forced out of an area of the ground. The club, J Stand operatives and hardworking Reds deserve immense credit for bringing together so many like-minded vocal United fans at such short notice. Now it’s up to the club to make it permanent.

Seldom has the international break come at a better time for the Reds. An opportunity to rest, take stock, and regroup ahead of the run-in. Another cup semi at Wembley to look forward to. It isn’t all doom and gloom.

United (4-2-3-1) Romero 7.5; Valencia 7, Bailly 5.5, Smalling 6, Shaw 5 (Young 46, 7); McTominay 6.5, Matic 8; Mata 6 (Rashford 75, 5), Lingard 5.5 (Fellaini 89), Martial 5.5; Lukaku 7.5.

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United Monday 5th March

Crystal Palace 2-3 Manchester United (Townsend 11, Van Aanholt 48) (Smalling 55, Lukaku 76, Matic 90+1)

"I have never been involved in a comeback like that before , I used to watch them on TV" - Marcus Rashford on Twitter, the morning after the night before.

Football, eh? Bloody Hell. What a game, what a shitshow, what a stunning comeback, what a winning goal from Nemanja Matic. A rollercoaster of emotions, and at the very end, an outpouring of joy, and regaining our place in 2^nd ahead of the game against Liverpool next week.

It really shouldn’t be this hard, after all the investment. How can United swing so violently in competence from game to game? After Chelsea, everything felt positive. And yet, United spent most of Monday evening frantically trying to avoid disaster. The wonderful resilience shown by the players was heartening, but does not erase how woeful we were in the opening 70 minutes. Our best players were dogshit, but we had managed to win… why do we wait until we concede before trying hard to score?

Only one change was made from Chelsea, with hero from last week Jesse Lingard coming in for Martial, who didn’t travel due to a minor injury. Herrera, Fellaini, Rojo, Jones and Blind were still out. McTominay started again.

Those United fans were in quality form all evening, coming across loud and clear on Sky serenading Eric Cantona, much to the anger of the Selhurst Ultras. Although there was nothing to shout about in a shambolic first period which counts among the very worst since Mourinho took the job.

It is difficult to know where to start. The attitude was unrecognisable from the Chelsea game. The whole team were second to every loose ball, unconvincing in the tackle, way too relaxed in possession. With both wide players floating inside, there was no width. We were playing too deep, with no movement up top, a recipe for stodgy disaster. Simple long balls from Palace were causing us problems, and at the other end there were no platforms for attack, with slow passes not stretching a makeshift Palace back four, or testing the dodgy Wayne Hennessey.

We were behind soon enough, losing the ball easily to allow Christian Benteke to set up Andros Townsend to score from a deflection off Lindelof, who turned his back. It was deserved, and there was little reaction from United. Instead Palace went close to doubling their lead a few times before the half-time whistle with Benteke and Sorloth proving a real handful in the air.

Roy Hodgson – whose England work was always appreciated by me – had made his Palace team tough to beat and had improved them no end since their shocking start but he was left with one hand tied behind his back here with so many first teamers out injured. His star man Wilfried Zaha was the headline but there were numerous others who were unavailable: Dann, Sakho, Sako, Puncheon, Cabaye, Speroni, Ward, the United loanee Fosu-Mensah, Loftus-Cheek and long-term crock Wickham. Yet their organisation remained, set up in two banks of four to deny space and push the defensive line of the visitors back.

Sanchez was a disgrace in that first half, unable to do anything right. Continually he moved infield into traffic, hit heavy passes straight out of play, and mis-controlled passes, his touch deserting him. Not that he was alone. Valencia was static off the ball, afraid to do anything unsafe. McTominay barely touched the ball, and I would hazard a guess that the young lad was hiding on the toughest evening of his career so far. Pogba was the opposite, coming way too deep to start attacks, and unprepared and lackadaisical when he had possession. Matic looked weak and tired in the midfield. Young was just terrible. The 4-3-3 basically meant more players doing fuck all and one less game changer than usual.

 

Red Rom loves it.

Mourinho reacted to a pathetic first half by hauling off McTominay for Rashford, switching to 4-2-3-1. The young flier made an impact instantly testing the pace of the Palace defenders, wanting to isolate himself 1 on 1 with his markers. Pogba and Matic were finding him a lot in the opening moments of the second half, but no telling chance was created. That was mainly down to rookie Palace right-back Aaron Wan-Bissaka, who was my man of the match for his never-say-die attitude and his desire to put tackles and blocks in.

The best laid plans were in tatters as Palace scored another, and it was amateur hour again as we switched off from a free-kick that was quickly taken by Schlupp, playing the speedy Van Aanholt through. No one was going to catch him, and he lashed it past De Gea to send Selhurst Park into dreamland. The last time we had come back from 2-0 to win a league game was in December 2013 against Hull.

Two down, staring at the abyss, United finally punched back. A corner was cleared and from the resulting opportunity, Valencia carefully measured a cross from a central position onto Smalling’s head, with Tomkins suffering a brainfade by keeping him onside. Game on.

United took control of the game, helped by taking off Valencia and Young, who were both utterly hopeless, and bringing on Luke Shaw and Juan Mata, with Lingard pushed to right-back in an attacking move. It made sense, and Lingard had played at full-back against Bournemouth last season. As for Shaw, it was pleasing to see him enter the pitch in our hour of need, what with his form over Christmas and Young’s recent ineptitude. But he was definitely carrying a bit of timber. Or maybe he had about 4 layers on? It was a cold evening in South London, to be fair…

The next period of the game would’ve been enormously enjoyable for the neutral, although it was torturous for me. The game was completely stretched, with both teams frantic and full of panic. United were forcing things too quickly, rushing through moves and playing over ambitious passes. Palace dropped way too deep, terrified of the onslaught they knew were coming.

Without sounding like a know-it-all, in hindsight Palace had given so much already, and were so weakened by the absences, that them crumbling was inevitable. Constant defensive mistakes were made allowing United in, saved only by luck or last ditch tackles – like when Benteke of all people cleared off the line from Matic after a corner with the keeper beaten. Not that I could view the game with such clarity when it was going on, mind.

Mata was making a difference as he often does when United are having a bad game, his speed of thought, happy knack for finding gaps and calm demeanour was beginning to take effect and calm his teammates down. He always provided options, making himself available. Lingard at RB was a revelation; dribbling at the defence, pinning them back, allowing Mata ahead of him more space to come inside. Lukaku was winning more in the air, and deservedly put us on terms when reacting fastest to a Sanchez shot that had ricochet onto the bar after the best bit of interplay around the box all game had created the opening. He controlled and pretended to shoot about 4 times, having a clear picture in his head, allowing the defenders to crowd the keeper and block his vision. You don’t score as many as him without having composure in front of goal and the Belgian eventually stroked it home, leading the team in big celebration. We were now favourites.

But we needed Ge Dea, as per, to save us with an athletic save from a Benteke header that was improbable enough for the Belgian striker and one time Lukaku rival to already be off in celebration. Spanish Dave is just magnificent, and there is no more anyone can say. Really he deserves cunts in front of him who are actually capable of sticking with their markers.

However, despite all the trying, it looked like we had run out of time, with Palace squeezing every last drop of energy from all of their players, lactic acid burning in their arms as they blocked shot after shot and rose again and again to head crosses away. But in the 91^st minute after the umpteenth ball was blocked, the ball at up nicely for Matic about 30 yards from goal. The crowd, his teammates and yours truly were yelling at him to pass out wide but instead he unleashed an incredibly sweet half-volley into the top corner, sending the fans completely barmy in the process.



Auto-Matic!





What a fucking moment, what a comeback, what a way to score your first United goal. He can strike a ball (like vs Everton in 15/16, and in the Cup semi vs Spurs last April) but his shots for United have largely been erratic. For such a high-quality goal to be scored in those circumstances by Matic was simply orgasmic. He led a mass of United bodies who ran to the away end, celebrating intensely with the faithful. Magic from Matic. Scenes mate. Scenes.



The Reds regrouped to see off any Palace pressure and the final whistle came and the ground emptied remarkably quickly with the home team feeling sick after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Forgetting the wretched performance for a moment, that’s what football is all about, last minute winners from behind away from home. Great stuff. But now, onto the troubling post-mortem…

Sanchez was shocking throughout, but it must be said, as bad as he played, he never once gave up, always on the move, playing pretty much central midfield late on to try and get on the ball and create. Although, our big signing promptly fucked it up almost every time. Still, having a player who takes risks and keeps plugging away, keeps trying that chip through ball to the far post will surely be a good thing over time, but Jesus, it wouldn’t kill him to recycle it now and then. He simply must improve, get less wasteful and start justifying his enormous pay-packet soon, because United have looked muddled since he arrived. Everyone deserves a bedding-in period, but the crunch games are coming thick and fast and if he isn’t gelling with the rest of the team he should be starting games amongst the substitutes. Although like Pogba, he possesses the ability to come up with something special no matter how badly he’s playing.

Valencia and Young were both embarrassing, and that is not being unkind. They looked nervous and unconvincing in defence, and were insipid in attack. Remember these are wingers, of some repute, by trade. So you can forgive some defensive lapses – but how can they not provide something that causes a second string Palace team a problem? When you start with Lingard and Sanchez as the wingers, you know the full-backs must provide the width, and that might’ve been a mistake by the manager. Instead Valencia was barely over the halfway-line, and Young simply passed back to the receiver whenever he got it. Sure, they’re on the other side of their peaks, but there is little excuse for such a poor performance.

Of course, it needs to be said that the skipper Valencia has generally been very good for the last three years, against better judgement. He should be allowed off days, even if they are shockers (You knew he was bad when Jose took him off – he is usually one of his most trusted lieutenants). But clubs that we are competing against for honours probably wouldn’t tolerate a well past his best former winger at right-back. His obvious weaknesses don’t stack up well at all against Europe’s best. Given the importance of them in today’s game, perhaps Right-back is an area to strengthen in the summer. (I still love you Tony V, obvs.)

A left-back could be signed as well, although I would rather just give Luke Shaw a good run. The fact that the, ahem, heavy looking lad came on at all tells you everything about how bad Young was, especially when you consider Shaw has never been a favourite of Mourinho. Young has played above himself for long periods this season, even forcing himself back into the England squad, and he deserves kudos for that. But don’t get it twisted, he is nowhere near United standard in any position he plays. Consistently Young has been exposed positionally. He’s a survivor – I would’ve sold him in the summer of 2014. He’s a good character, big in the dressing room, a top guy and by all accounts a really good professional. But he’s just a bit shit, and the odd teasing cross won’t convince me otherwise.

Having said all of that though, it was a mighty fine comeback, demonstrating our spirit, and despite there being lots to dislike, the subs helped change the game and keep us on track. Mourinho made the right changes at the right time, and the lads turned it around. Well done, now try and not lose to Liverpool on Saturday.

United (4-3-3) De Gea 8; Valencia 3 (Mata 67, 7.5), Smalling 7, Lindelof 5.5, Young 3.5 (Shaw 67, 6); McTominay 5 (Rashford 46, 6.5), Matic 7, Pogba 6; Lingard 7, Lukaku 7.5, Sanchez 5.