World Cup 2014 day two - Cameroon 0-1 Mexico

Day two is normally the first 'proper' day of the tournament, where the marathon, three games a day, group stages get underway. For a football obsessive like myself, even the most boring and low quality of world cup games must command all my attention. But I, and the rest of the world, were fortunate enough to be thrown up a treat as all three games were a great watch and one produced a truly shocking result that sent shockwaves throughout Brazil. But I chose the low-key game to write about, mainly from the viewpoint of the Cameroon side, because i'm contrarian.

Group A
Cameroon 0-1 Mexico

Certainly not one of the 'must see' games, but this match between two of the less fancied ties was an intriguing battle and the Mexicans will now feel very confident of qualifying ahead of the crunch game against Croatia. The game was played at a frantic pace throughout, but unfortunately the officials came to the fore again with a couple of dreadful errors. Giovani Dos Santos had the ball in the net twice (a superb left footed volley after a equally great cross from Herrera, and a header from a corner) but both were ruled out for offside. Even without the linesman's intervention, Mexico should have been ahead early on as Moreno and then Marquez both missed clear cut chances from set pieces. I was looking at this game from the African's point of view and the lack of marking and general disorganisation was alarming, there seemed to be no joined-up thinking.

But it wasn't all Mexico in the first period as Cameroon showed guts by winning the ball in midfield and using their wingers well to attack the Central Americans. The legendary Samuel Eto'o, captaining Cameroon and once again shouldering the goalscoring burden, missed a glorious chance after Assou-Ekotto skipped past two men, and then just before half time Eto'o headed over under little pressure after superb work from Mbia on the right. The missed chances meant the vultures in the Tv studio, on twitter, and no doubt the media in Cameroon circled round the former Barca and Inter man. I felt a bit sorry for Eto'o. Unlike so many African stars, he had never shirked the challenge of getting his nation through qualifying, had never given up, despite playing generally with team-mates a world away from what he was used to in his illustrious club career. And here he was in his fourth World Cup at 33, past his peak, still needed to spark his team in his international swansong. So you can forgive the odd inaccurate shot. Alas, he was double marked for most of the game, and in the second half barely had a kick.

The rain in Natal was helping the Mexicans get their passing game going, and the second half was completely dominated by them, with Hector Herrera in particular taking charge of the midfield, being a powerful physical presence. Cameroon's defence was under constant siege as lone striker Oribe Peralta hit straight at the 'keeper when one-on-one. A free kick from Assou-Ekotto floated wide after a deflection but that was all Cameroon could muster as Mexico increased the pressure, their 5-3-2 formation working perfectly. I was frustrated that Cameroon, after benefiting from large slices of luck regarding the officials, seemed wedded to one style, unwilling to change a set up that was clearly not helping them get control of the game. The momentum was heavy, and soon enough Mexico got their reward.

After a lovely move Dos Santos was played in by Herrera and despite his shot being saved by ex-Liverpool 'keeper Itandje, poacher supreme Peralta was on hand to sweep in and continue a remarkable recent scoring record, at the same time completely justifying his selection over Javier Hernandez. The Man Utd striker did come on late on, but when given a chance spooned his effort over from six yards. By that time, Cameroon were spent, and their last chance- a flick header from substitute Webo- was acrobatically saved by Ochoa as Mexico held on for a win, leaving Cameroon staring down yet another group stage elimination. The crowd, overwhelmingly Mexican, let out a huge cheer as the final whistle was blown, and the linesman must've been hugely relieved his two early errors didn't cost El Tri.

Player ratings:

Cameroon (4-3-3)
Itandje Did ok, made some decent saves, but a poor presence at set pieces. 6/10
Djeugoue (Nounkeu 45) Given the run around by Layun, no surprise he was replaced. 4/10
N'Koulou Horribly caught out of position for the goal, and lost Dos Santos too many times. 5/10
Chedjou Powerful in the air and decent on the ball, but lost his marker occasionally. 6/10
Assou-Ekotto Constantly wanted the ball, drove forward, passed well, fired crosses in, and showed character. 7/10
Song (Webo 79) Cameroon's other star didn't turn up. Kept things simple when his team needed his extra quality to unlock a strong Mexico team. Wasn't exactly poor, but didn't take responsibility. 6/10
Mbia Kept possession well, and was the one Cameroonian midfielder willing to join Eto'o and try and attack Mexico. Was fouled twice in key positions, and showed fight and energy all game. 7/10 
Enoh The holding midfielder tackled well and showed bite. 6/10
Moukandjo Cameroon's outball, the elusive dribbler caused problems in the first half, and was the only player on his team to actually successfully beat a couple of men. 7/10
Eto'o Had two difficult half chances and didn't take them, but worked hard throughout. Just couldn't get the ball, and needed more support. 6/10
Choupo-Moting The elegant Mainz winger looked good early on, then totally disappeared. 5/10
Subs:
Nounkeu Not much of an improvement on Djeugoue. Booked. 5/10
Webo Couldn't make much of an impact, but should've been subbed on earlier as a gamble. 5/10


Mexico (5-3-2)
Ochoa Commanding presence. 7/10
Aguilar Tireless runner off the ball, at right wing-back safe on it. 6/10
Rodríguez Strong centre-half didn't seem to make any big mistakes. 7/10
Márquez The veteran oozed class throughout in the middle of the back three, always keeping an eye on old team-mate Eto'o. Playing his fourth World Cup at 35. 7/10
Moreno finally booked in the second half after some meaty tackles were let go early on. 6/10
Layun Fantastic attacking option on left, always bombing forward and asking questions. 8/10
Herrera (Salcido 90+2) Ran the game in the second half. Mexico's midfield general was so powerful and never seemed to lose a duel, linking up well with second striker Dos Santos 8/10
Vázquez Kept it moving, did little else. 6/10
Guardado (Fabian 69) Plays like a budget Di Maria, his intelligence is best shown by his tactical nous. Always knew when to drift wide to support Layun, or to hold his position. 7/10
G dos Santos Robbed of two goals and seemed to sulk, but showed his quality. 7/10
Peralta (Hernandez 74) Much talked about before the game, delivered with the goal, celebrated with passion. 7/10
Subs:
Fabian Gifted schemer was a little off the pace at first but then pulled off some nice touches. 6/10
Hernandez As a United fan i was gutted he wasn't playing but you couldn't argue with Peralta's goal and performance, especially after Hernandez blew his own big chance. 5/10
Salcido Brought on to waste time. N/A

A comprehensive review of England's World Cup possibles and probables - Goalkeepers

Lo and behold, the greatest sporting event in the world is almost here. A world cup in Brazil fulfils all sorts of criteria and depressingly it will probably be the last truly enjoyable World Cup for a while. Without resorting to lazy national stereotypes, it is true that the majority of the tournament this summer will have a 'carnival' atmosphere, although the threat of protests, after some truly outstanding incompetence by the Brazilian authorities, will never be too far away. Regardless, I for one am immensely excited for it and so the next question is, how will England do?

Most people would say 'badly' as their answer, and they are perfectly entitled to do so after the draw gave us the very real scenario of not making it out the group. But still the debates rage on as to the 23 men representing us in South America, and Roy Hodgson will be praying no more key players succumb to injury like Theo Walcott did.

Given that the world and its wife has an opinion on who should be on the plane, I thought I would add my thoughts to the most talked about topics. Raheem Sterling or Andros Townsend? Ashley Cole or Luke Shaw? Wayne Rooney or Bobby Zamora? All these questions and more shall be answered, firstly with the keepers.

Goalkeepers

Joe Hart
Background: England's best keeper by a country mile, a supremely confident and agile shot stopper with a real presence between the posts. Communication and speed off the line are just two of the attributes where he ranks among the very best. Collects crosses badly, has average at best distribution and doesn't convince commanding his area at set pieces half of the time, but still our finest keeper since David Seaman.
England Form: It really doesn't matter. Honestly. Hart could chuck the ball in the Man City net 8 times per game for the rest of the season and still make it as first choice. And to be fair to him, he has recovered from his terrible 2012-2013 season to get back to near enough his peak.
Press Perception: One of the best keepers in the world. Occasionally a liability, either way, probably the member of the side who has the most confidence of making the team.
Average Fan Perception: The best we've got. Pretty good, considering.
Twitter Perception: HE DID AN ADVERT FOR HEAD AND SHOULDERS #LOL

Ben Foster
Background: A solid performer for West Brom, his self imposed exile from England duty seemingly ended as soon as his club boss was put in charge of the national team. His injury absence this season is seen as a key reason for the Baggies sub-par performances this season.
England Form: Non-existent. He's almost 31 and yet only has 6 caps to his name. Has only played once for the three lions since 2010- the second half in a friendly against Ireland. Suppose he doesn't have a Rob Green style moment at least.
Press Perception: The second choice, mainly because of Nepotism.
Average Fan Perception: Used to be at United, so half decent. Bit of a dick for 'Retiring'.
Twitter Perception: Doesn't nearly have enough #bantz.

Fraser Forster
Background: A 6ft 7in giant of the Celtic goal famous for some titanic performances in two consecutive seasons in the Champions League. Recently broke a clean sheets record. Remains unproven at the top level week in week out and is not the most agile of keepers. Roy doesn't get to see him that often.  His trump card over goalkeepers like Ruddy is that no one really checked his form week in week out.
England Form: Has only made one appearance so far in a 2-0 loss to Chile, too early to judge.
Press Perception: A great young keeper, proven at the highest level, why does he have so few caps?
Average Fan Perception: Plays in League Two for most of the year, then makes great saves from Messi and Iniesta, not quite sure what to think. Needs to play in The Greatest League In The World.
Twitter Perception: OMG look at this Vine of his great save from Neymar!!!!!!! #RESPECT


Jack Butland
Background: Precocious young keeper who leapt into the national consciousness as the third keeper for Euro 2012 after John Ruddy was forced to pull out of the original squad. Made his England debut before his Birmingham one, and his move to Stoke in January 2013 was seen as a good move. But Asmir Begovic surprisingly stayed, meaning Butland has had to be loaned out to get game time. Just turned 21.
England Form: Has played just the once for the Three Lions, the first half in a friendly win over Italy.
Press Perception: The long-term no.1.
Average Fan Perception: If he's that good, shouldn't he be doing better?
Twitter Perception: Why hasn't he signed for myyyy team?!?!

No one else has any chance of making the squad, so barely warrant a mention. Looking at you, John Ruddy.

After writing this, i'm starting to think this would be pretty boring to read. So for the other positions watch this space... or not.

Thanks for reading.

Man Utd 1-0 Arsenal- but loss isn't terminal for Gunners

Watching football really isn't good for my heart.
 
But enough about me, and onto the game. Hyped up by the Sky media machine, this was the BIGGEST GAME OF THE SEASON as the table toppers travelled to Old Trafford to visit the Champions. There was much emphasis put on the fact that if Arsenal won, they would be 11 points above United. And, sure, that's a big total. But from the way the 'experts' were talking, that would be the reds's title challenge dead in the water. Has everyone forgotten 2008 here?
 
But without doubt, this was still a massive match. For all of Arsenal's brilliant displays this season, you could argue that only their incredible defensive display at Dortmund showed them winning a game they weren't favourites for. But if they beat United in Manchester for the first time since 2006, it would send a real message to the rest of the country that they really, really mean business. Of course, they were still title challengers before this match (what more could they do, Alan Shearer?) but winning would confirm them as truly back. And also put a knife into the team of Robin Van Persie, which would be nice.


"Why do I even still wear this coat?"

But it didn't happen. And although the 'jokes' came about on twitter almost instantly (Phil Jones has left the ground with £42 million in his pocket, Ozil has been returned to Arsenal...#YOLO #BANTZ #SWAG) this was a game Arsenal can take a lot from, especially when you take into account all of their absentees.
 
A virus running through the camp robbed them of two of their best players, the resilient and commanding centre back Mertesacker, and the beautifully balanced and inventive playmaker Rosicky. Rosicky must be the most unlucky footballer of recent times considering all of his injury problems. (Diaby doesn't count. That C**t is just too much. He was born with a fu*king calf strain for god's sake.) He just offers so much to the side, and the Gunners missed almost every aspect of his play, the neat one twos, the constant pressing and urgency, and the drive from midfield, what with Ramsey largely off the pace.
 
But if you look at the two line ups, as a United fan I was shi**ing myself worried before kick off. The middle of the park boasted such quality from an Arsenal point of view, a five man axis versus two men, one of whom, Phil Jones, was out of position. But from the word go there was a distinct lack of intensity in the Arsenal ranks. There was no real attempt to press United, it reminded me of the game against Sociedad in midweek, where the hosts gave David Moyes's men way too much space, through a combination of fear and respect of the Champions.
 
The home side certainly had the better of the opening exchanges with Wayne Rooney in particular up for it; constantly looking forward whilst in possession, and when without, the England star chased down anyone near him like a dog after a stick. (Insert hilarious joke here comparing the animal's intellect favourably to Wayne's). But seriously, that determination ran through the United side. The sense of the whole squad (no, not you Ashley Young. Diving pri*k) angrily wanting to prove everyone wrong and beat Arsenal was palpable. They shut down the much vaunted trio of Cazorla, Ozil and Ramsey, and Arsenal's only effort on goal in the first half was a tame Grioud header from a fair way out. That is not to say that Man Utd tested Szczesny at the other end, as really I can't recall many problems for him either in the first period, apart from when challenging for the ball Phil Jones, who is made of granite, accidently poleaxed him.



"Take that Piers!!!"

 
Before that though, Van Persie scored a technically perfect header from Rooney's teasing delivery. (Honestly, that corner was gagging to be put away. You could see it arcing towards the most lethal finisher on the pitch and you fu*king knew the outcome. OOH ROBIN VAN PERSIE) Depending on who you were supporting, this was either an immense moment which showed who he really loved and demonstrated his class, or the traitor supreme showing a complete lack of dignity with his celebration. For the record, all the crap that Arsenal fans give him, including the 'she said no' song, should really blow any call for him to celebrate respectfully out of the window. Why expect class when Arsenal fans clearly don't give him that? Personally, I loved it when he celebrated passionately. But the inevitable goal from RVP didn't stir Arsenal into a fightback, which was surprising. Instead, after the goal, United took control, with Jones and Rooney both breaking through on two separate occasions, with Arsenal having to resort to sitting deeper until the break.
 
The Vidic substitution, after De Gea clattered him, forced Jones, the player of the half, back into the back four and Arsenal dominated the opening spells of the second half. But it was very much false domination, the possession in that 45-60 period was probably 65% Arsenal, but they didn't create anything of note. Where was Ozil or man of the moment Ramsey? The best opportunity before the clock struck an hour fell to Wayne Rooney, as after a superb break by Valencia, he deftly flicked the ball above Sagna's challenge with his right peg, before hammering a shot agonizingly wide with his left.
 
Wilshere came on for the tired Flamini and immediately the pace of Arsenal's passing went up, as United retreated nearer and nearer De Gea's goal. Crosses were frequent but Jones and the excellent Evans dealt with them all. But the thing was, England's saviour  Wilshere's introduction coincided with an Arsenal effort that pegged back Man Utd. There were no break or any United presence in the opposition half as Valencia and Kagawa, for the first time in the game, were denied space and time to turn and run at their markers. Effectively, in United's backyard they were forcing them to play defensive. This observer certainly did not like to see that.
 
The problem was, they were not creating any clear cut opportunities- Wilshere, Ramsey, and Giroud all had half chances but what Arsenal needed at this point was a fresh threat and a different style of attacking. What they essentially required was Walcott or Oxlade-Chamberlain to climb off the treatment table and run at United. It must have pretty despairing for Wenger knowing his side needed fresh impetus while they were on top, and knowing as well his best option for that was THE GREATEST STRIKER THAT EVER LIVED Bendtner. Still it was hugely encouraging for the Gunners that they kept United at bay for almost the whole second half.
 
That is not to say that United didn't have their heroes, Valencia completely stopped Cazorla on the left, meaning him coming off for Bendtner wasn't quite as crazy as it seemed. This was crucial, as Arsenal kept a lot of the ball and occasionally you just wanted someone to have a go, and their main threat from range is Cazorla. Phil Jones was utterly immense, Carrick and Cleverley did a great job on Ramsey and in keeping the ball at the death, and Rooney never stopped running and was intelligent with his ball use.
 
There were chances for both teams in the closing stages as Smalling somehow missed a glorious headed chance from a delicious Van Persie free kick and Bacary Sagna whipped in two of the best crosses I've seen for a while but they evaded everyone both times.
 
Oh wait, I just realised I originally wanted to write a quick intro and then player ratings, but I've written like a whole match report. That's passion for you. Or being alone on a Sunday night. Again. Your call. Fu*k my life.
 
Player ratings
 
Manchester United
 
David de Gea I bloody love you Dave. I mean your beard is sh*t but you can't have everything. He wasn't called upon much but did put Vidic in hospital, so is a beast. I think. Clean sheet. 7/10 
Chris Smalling Very nervous on his selction at right back, and I didn't really feel he played that well. The height advantage was key at set pieces but didn't look comfortable in possession. 6/10
Jonny Evans Another commanding performance from United's most consistent defender. Irrepressible in the air and unbeatable in the tackle, and many other big words. 8/10
Nemanja Vidic (Cleverley 46) Giroud didn't beat him once, in the air or on the floor. Always a safe presence  at the back, and United were noticeably shaky after his departure. 8/10 
Patrice Evra Every time I think he's at the knackers yard, he digs out a performance like this. Whether it was Ozil or Ramsey on the right didn't matter to Evra, who sums up the spirit, experience and know how to win big matches like this time and again. Impeccable with the ball at his feet and superb at wasting time late on. (Completely different from the cheating that you persist with Ashley Young, before you ask. What a penis that bloke is. Such talent but spends most of the time on the floor.) Is he just not motivated for matches against Stoke and the like? I don't know, but more like this Patrice please. 8/10
Michael Carrick The 'Geordie Xavi' didn't have his best game, but it sums him up right now when he can be pretty poor and still dictate our tempo for a sizeable portion of the match. Made some key interceptions in the second half, and got to grips with Ozil well. Facial hair was terrible. 7/10
Phil Jones Remember when Fergie said that Phil Jones will be the greatest to ever play for United? It's matches like this where you think the greatest manager on the planet was right again. In the first half he denied space for Ozil, made interceptions, drove with the ball, and passed so well I thought it was Carrick (because Carrick is basically Pele in my eyes). In the second half, pushed into the heart of defence, it was header after header, clearance after clearance, and some calm, soothing, sexual switching of play. Fu*k, it was Franco Baresi and Roy Keane rolled into one unstoppable force. Got booked for challenging for the ball because he broke Szczesny. Some of his blocks were so last ditch and unbelievable I almost forgot I'm failing Uni. Almost. 9/10
Antonio Valencia Inspirational in the first half, driving forward with the ball while completely marking Cazorla out of the game and simultaneously stopped Gibbs from getting forward. 7/10
Shinji Kagawa (Giggs 78) A superb dribbler who didn't really play well. Cut inside to try and inflict damage but was a bit ineffective and drifted out of proceedings. 5/10
Wayne Rooney England's best footballer reminded everyone how good he is. He didn't have a lot of the ball but he got an assist and worked his bollocks off. (Hmm. Should I censor bollo**s? Naa, Google will be fine with it. Hopefully.) Denied a goal but overall, brilliant again. 8/10
Robin Van Persie (Fellaini 85) Scored a superb header but actually was largely subdued by Koscielny. In the second half often was used as a target man to ease the pressure on defence and held it up well. He will make all the headlines tomorrow though, no doubt, despite a pretty average game for him. But what a goalscorer. What a player. What a man. If he told me tomorrow to quit my job and drive to his house to feed his kids grapes and yogurt, I fu*king would. (I have no job, and I don't drive) ORVP 7/10
Subs- Tom Cleverley Struggled to get into the game and his arrival took Phil Jones away from the engine room, allowing Arteta to take control. Recovered and was decent defensively. 6/10
Ryan Giggs His introduction ahead of Nani and God's gift to the world  Januzaj was met with disapproval, but he calmed things down at a time when it was most frantic. 7/10
Marouane Fellaini He won a few headers, and therefore denied Arsenal the ball, so did his job. But for £27 million you want a bit more. At least be ahead of Cleverley, no? 6/10
 
David Moyes I'm getting used to it now, but it didn't help to see Sir Alex in the crowd today. But actually got his team spot on and his subs correct. I was screaming out for Nani or Januzaj to start or even come on but Valencia's selection was fully justified and all the subs played a part. Well done, now tell us is Zaha screwing your daughter or not because if not play him a bit yeah? 8/10
 
Arsenal
 
Wojciech Szczesny Couldn't be blamed for the goal, otherwise wasn't really tested, so i'll use this space to say I think he's been utterly immense this season and has answered all his critics. I do wish he'd change his name to like John Smith or something though. 7/10
Bacary Sagna Was Arsenal's main threat in terms of clear cut chances created and did a great job on Kagawa. Solid defensively and always quality on the ball. 8/10 
Laurent Koscielny Arsenal's brilliant defender didn't do anything wrong all game, a real achievement given he was not partnered by Mertesacker. Relished landing a couple of big tackles on Van Persie and advanced into midfield well. 7/10 
Thomas Vermaelen The Belgian defender who actually can't defend is still the club captain, laughable when you consider this was his first start since April. And how good have they been in his absence? Still, he was relatively solid in this match, and kept United quiet. 7/10
Kieran Gibbs Couldn't stop Valencia going past him and couldn't go past Valencia. Panicked in possession too a couple of times. 5/10 
Mikel Arteta (Gnabry 83) The midfielder controlled the game in the first 15 minutes of the second half with accurate passing and superb awareness. A real shame that for once his more attacking colleagues didn't show, as Arteta was superb throughout. 7/10
Mathieu Flamini (Wilshere 61) Arsenal's unsung hero this season was clearly unfit and it was shown, tired passes and futile attempts to track Rooney. Positionally top drawer though. 6/10
Aaron Ramsey Where was the Ramsey against Liverpool, or Dortmund? The Welsh midfielder was totally off the pace and a real disappointment. He gave the ball away a lot and wasted oppurtunites by trying to dribble rather than look for a team mate. He wandered from his position too much and was well marshalled by United. 4/10
Mesut Özil Couldn't get into the game, and seemed to not like the close attention Carrick and Jones gave him In the first half. Was neat enough and certainly not the worst Arsenal player but we have begun to expect so much more. My theory is he needs a rest, and this would be easy enough back in Madrid with Modric and Isco available. But until Arsenal's injury problems start solving themselves the German must solider on. Still created space well but was just not quite performing. Not his night. 5/10
Santi Cazorla (Bendtner 78) Valencia stopped him when he was on the left, Carrick stopped him in the middle and he was anonymous on the right. A real let down for Gunners fans as they needed one of his long range specials to do something and create a bit of belief amongst the team. When Arsenal were stuck in one of their 'passing across the final third' stages, they looked to Cazorla for a trademark burst of acceleration, or neat turn, or better still, a pop from 25 yards, but he was utterly, painfully sh*t. 4/10
Olivier Giroud "OOH but what if he gets injured" scream all the anti-Arsenal people. Giroud has been tremendous this season but the reality is he needs help up front in these types of games, oh how he would have wished Podolski to arrive to act as a foil. Alas, he had Bendtner. Still, worked hard, never gave up, and you got the feeling if he got a proper chance he would have taken it. 6/10.
Subs- Jack Wilshere Smoking Jack is a lovely player to watch when on form, as he glides past people and slides inch perfect passes through to the forwards and you're sat there thinking HOLY SH*T WHERE'S MY GUN THAT KID IS LIKE TECHNICALLY SOUND AND HE PLAYS ON THE HALF TURN GIVE HIM 100 ENGLAND CAPS NOW. But the constant injuries has led him taking a bit of a back seat this year. Wilshere's style is such that he needs to be on the ball constantly, he needs the team built around him, he needs players to make space for him. He is still young and will learn to be a real team player, but right now Arsenal look better without him- like in the other games in the past week, the wins over Dortmund and Liverpool. But him coming off the bench led to a spark in Arsenal as he demanded the ball off the defence and drove at Carrick at Cleverley in the way that Rosicky would have done. He created opportunities and energised a side lacking a bit of zest. But he got booked for a petulant push on Evra and perhaps should have had a shot rather than look for a pass late on. Crap I've written like a whole paragraph here. 7/10
Nicklas Bendtner How is he still employed by Arsenal? Gave the ball away every time he had it and didn't even attempt to get to Sagna's awesome cross in injury time. Remember when he scored a hat trick vs Porto in the Champions League and looked as if he was finally growing up? That was a loooong time ago and the most frustrating thing for Gooners is that he still has ability, but he's such a deluded c**t that he'll never make the most out of his talent. 1/10
Serge Gnabry Has done well for Arsenal in this campaign and did more in 10 minutes than Cazorla and Ramsey combined. Has a bright future indeed. 7/10
 
Arsene Wenger The best manager left in the Premier League deserves success for his financial prudence and unwavering commitment to youth, but I fear it will not be this season. Wenger's squad was exposed tonight by the lack of options to add life into the flailing Arsenal corpse (injecting life into a corpse? What an analogy. I surprise myself sometimes with my brilliance. Like Messi in a way) and he was not helped by the non performance of key men. Could he have done anything differently? Not really, but playing Flamini, who was unfit, ahead of Jack didn't pay off. 6/10
 
Overall- An excellent and crucial win for United that lifts them up to 5th and only five points away from the summit. But things are not over for Arsenal and Wenger and this win should only lower the expectations and therefore calm the players down, who looked a bit nervous at times tonight, it has to be said. But as Sky will no doubt say something like THE TITLE RACE IS BACK ON or ARSENAL'S CHALLENGE STOPS HERE so I'm bound to say that although the result is massive for United, for Arsenal, it doesn't change much. They need another striker, they need injured players back, they ARE challengers for the league title, and most importantly, it's about whether they're still top in March/April, than their position now.

Wow how the hell did I write all of that. I mean I started writing this at about half 12 and it's like quarter past 2 now why am I doing this I need to get a life. Naa, lives are overrated really, and I really love writing this sh*t because football is the best thing about a world full of poverty, anger, and corruption. Even better than Pasta. And I like Pasta. If you've made it this far, seriously, well done. I mean don't just pat yourself on the back, literally applaud yourself. The fact that you've read my incoherent ramblings for this long is remarkable.

Thanks for reading, Adam.
 



This GIF is amazing by the way. United through and through, this lad



The troubles of Spurs?

As Tottenham went through the motions at Goodison on Sunday, you felt that this game meant more than just a decent point for two teams who were having poor matches. No, this was Spurs in microcosm this season.

Despite the huge investment in the summer, Andre Villas-Boas's side have been thoroughly unwatchable this campaign. Although defensively solid, -with Hugo Lloris and Jan Vertonghen in particular proving to be arguably the best in the league in their roles - there has been no inspirational attacking moves, no ripping apart of teams, no glut of goals from new purchases. The game at Everton was obviously going to be a tough test for AVB's players and a draw is not to be sniffed at considering Spurs lost in the corresponding fixture last year. But it was the way that the away team played that was so disappointing, and the continuing failure of Spurs to utilise the range of talent at their disposal is embarrassing people like myself who predicted a new look, slick, and dynamic team to rip through teams this season.

But what's this? This apparently dull and boring team is sitting comfortably in fourth in the league, only five points behind Arsenal, and level on points with Chelsea, not to mention looking down on the two Manchester clubs. This must be a weird phenomenon for the White Hart Lane faithful- despite turning in performances like they did against Hull in the league, er, Hull in the cup, and many more they keep winning. They have a great chance of a trophy in the Capital One Cup. So what exactly is wrong with a Tottenham team doing so well and grinding out victories, especially when surely their new signings are yet to fully acclimatise to English football?

It seems there is still a few things wrong with Spurs.

1) AVB's terrible media skills.

Unlike his predecessor 'Arry, Villas-Boas is not a favourite of the press pack for a few different reasons. Firstly, he replaced the nation's messiah, the people's prince Redknapp, itself a sin in the xenophobic eyes of some journalists given the amount of sound bites and car window related transfer stories he gave them every week. This hasn't been helped by his perceived 'failure' at Chelsea, in which the rumours are he was effectively sacked on the senior players say so. This has led to the press jumping on every tiny mistake the Portuguese coach makes in an effort to turn the Spurs fans against him- eg. the non story over whether Lloris or Friedel would be in goal last year. His recent criticism of the fans was not needed but was hardly as insulting as the papers made out. A top coach, the guy would do well to improve his relationship with Fleet Street.

2) Roberto Soldado seldom scoring.

For £26 million, you need more than accuracy from the penalty spot.

3) Replacing Gareth Bale is no picnic.
A rather obvious, but important point. Spurs knew there was no chance they could replace the world class Welsh winger with a player of similar quality, so spread out his record transfer fee on purchases all over the side. This was logical, but has left the side a little short on match-winning quality. So often last year Bale would change a game with an outstanding piece of skill, a dribble past two defenders, or best of all, a stunning goal. Erik Lamela the £30m buy from Roma, who plays a similar position in a different way, has been injured which is unfortunate. He's fast, elegant and also adept at cutting in from the right, scoring 15 Serie A goals last season. Spurs perhaps need to have more attacking players on the field in a more offensive style to compensate for the loss of the Real Madrid galactico (See point 5).

4) Eriksen needs time.

The closest player in terms of pure talent (if not style of play) to Bale is the exciting young Danish schemer Christian Eriksen, who has for a while been one of my favourite up and coming players. I have no doubt he'll be a success in England, but he has taken time to settle in after his move from Ajax and the more gentle domestic competition there. It is important he adapts sharpish to the Premier League though for Spurs to fulfil their potential under AVB. If he does, I'm sure Soldado will get more chances to showcase his clinical finishing as well.


5) Their 3 best midfielders can't really play together.

Paulinho is a Brazilian first teamer and has made a good start to his Spurs career. Sandro is one of the best defensive midfielders in the league. Moussa Dembele oozes class and composure on the ball. There is an argument that they are all too good to be left out, which AVB has generally agreed with and I said myself at the start of the season. But what has become clear is that when all 3 are there, that often leaves only 3 attackers to actually, y'know, score goals. Yes, Sandro may unleash the odd thunderbastard, and Paulinho's clever late runs can grab the odd goal but they are midfielders who generally don't get many goals or assists. Unless Spurs are against one of the bigger teams, one of them should probably be on the bench for a more progressive player to ease the scoring pressure on Soldado. In Europe, it will be intriguing to see if they could play well together in the slightly slower environment, and I think they could - but in the Premier League, it's too cautious a set up for a top team for most games.

6) Andros Townsend is believing his hype a little.

How wonderful was the right winger's England debut against Montenegro, an adventurous display capped off by a stunning goal from outside the box. A few days later, he turned in another encouraging performance in the crucial qualifier vs Poland, and overnight he became a lot more famous. As is tradition, he was straight away involved in an England 'scandal' when Roy Hodgson was alleged to have been racially insensitive to him when telling the team to 'feed the monkey' referring to an old NASA joke which obviously flew over the head of the dumb red top hacks in this country. Of course, Townsend wasn't offended in the slightest. But that hasn't been his problem, its more that since then he's tried to shoot from 30 yards at least 5 times in every game, perhaps wanting another incredible moment for the highlight reel. Is he now treating himself like a star? The kid should be told that he still is a relative novice at Spurs and should concentrate on feeding Soldado rather than taking it upon himself to act like Bale-lite just because of two brilliant England games.


7) They need a left-back.
Danny Rose isn't ready to be a starter for a team chasing top 4, and Vertonghen is wasted away from his favoured centre-back position. Perhaps they don't need so many midfielders (are Lewis Holtby and Capoue really the required level?) and could sell one in January to sign a quality young number 3. The 22-year-old Porto flier Alex Sandro is very highly rated by the nerds* who have enough free time to watch the Portuguese League and would probably be available for a decent price, with AVB possibly being able to use his links with his former club to make a move to Spurs seem more attractive to the young Brazilian.

*I am one of those nerds.

So there are plenty of issues that have to resolved, but it's still a good time for Spurs fans, in my opinion. I'm not one myself but I can see the progress there from Redknapp's time, and on the quiet they have built a very decent squad, fighting with clubs way above their financial station. It's important the board don't overreact to some of the criticisms and retain faith in the overall plan. The medium term future looks rosy, as long as Spurs keep hold of their best players and their talented young manager.

Premier League preview part 1: Arsenal, Aston Villa and Cardiff

Arsenal

Last season: Premier League: 4th F.A. Cup: 5th rnd League Cup: 4th rnd Champions League: Last 16.
IN: Yaya Sanogo (free, Auxerre).
OUT: Andrey Arshavin (Zenit St Petersburg, free), Denilson, Sebastien Squillaci (released), Sanchez Watt (Colchester, free), Craig Eastmond (Colchester, free), Johan Djourou (Hamburg, loan), Vito Mannone (undisclosed, Sunderland), Francis Coquelin (loan, Freiburg), Andre Santos (free, Flamengo), Joel Campbell (loan, Olympiakos), Gervinho (£8m, Roma), Ignasi Miquel (loan, Leicester), Marouane Chamakh (free, Crystal Palace).

It's been a different summer for Arsenal in several ways. For a start, there has not been in a protracted and tiresome transfer summer involving one of their best players. Some might say this is because they've all left. For the first time also, Arsenal have publicly admitted they have cash to burn. For years now the newspapers have speculated at just how much Arsenal have in transfer funds, (usually around the time season tickets are up for renewal) but the club themselves have muttered something about the new stadium and Financial Fair Play. This year has been different, with £70m pledged to Arsene Wenger. But as of yet, they have done fu*k all the only signing the Gunners have made is the free transfer of Yaya Sanogo.



"Maybe Liverpool would accept £40 million and a £15 iTunes voucher"

 In this of all summers, that is a disgrace. With the three teams above them last season all changing their manager, this was a unique opportunity for Wenger and Arsenal to proved once again that they are among the elite in Europe and push the boat out for new players. 4th place is not good enough for Arsenal supporters anymore and the fact that new coaches Mourinho and Pellegrini have acted swiftly to fill gaps while Arsenal sat back and tentatively let Napoli buy Higuain is telling.

Of course, Arsenal are still, as pundits always put it, 'two or three' top players away from really challenging to get the title back. But most Gunners fans would gladly settle for finishing in the top four along with a trophy. Any trophy. Its been 8 long years and counting since silverware has been lifted by the Arsenal skipper.

But there are positives. Wenger seems to have finally realised Vermaelen is a terrible defender  settled on a partnership at the heart of the defence- the excellent Per Mertesacker and Koscielny. Helped by Sagna, Gibbs, Monreal and the improving goalkeeper Szczesny, Arsenal conceded only 37 goals last season, with only Manchester City boasting a better record. Arsenal also finished only 5 and 2 points adrift of City and Chelsea respectively, suggesting that a couple of quality buys will push Arsenal right up there. Arsenal did end last season unbeaten in their final 11 games.

But Arsenal seem to have a very thin squad, especially when you take into account their players extremely poor injury record. The loan deals of Djourou and Coquelin make little sense- surely Wenger must know by now whether they are good enough for not- and the sale of Gervinho may prove to be a bad move if injuries strike. If Arsenal don't improve their team before the window slams shut I see them slipping out of the top four. But then again there is still time to find a hidden gem- after all, Mertesacker and Mikel Arteta were deadline day signings back in 2011.

Key player: Olivier Giroud. The tall Frenchman took a lot of rather undeserved criticism last season, despite scoring a very respectable 11 league goals in his first campaign in England. But the reality is that if Arsenal are to get near the top three Giroud will probably have to score 20 goals this season. The good news is that he is perfectly capable of such a tally, scoring 21 goals for Montpellier in his final year in France.

Strengths: The defence is very good against most teams with a great mixture of pace, positioning and ariel ability from Mertesacker and Koscielny. They are the best team in the country at keeping the ball; Aaron Ramsey and Arteta sitting deep and acting as the pivots, with Tomas Rosicky and Jack Wilshere adding to this superb dribbling skills and in Rosicky's case an eye for goal. Arsenal were the only team last year to have 4 men get double figures in the league, with Theo Walcott, Santi Cazorla, Podolski and Giroud aiming for more of the same in 2013-2014.

Weaknesses: Lack of quality outside the starting XI is exasperated further by the constant fitness problems of many key players and a thin squad. The back 5 are prone to stupid errors and defending at set-pieces is still below par. Struggle to break through teams when they 'park the bus', with only Cazorla and Rosicky a threat from distance. Lack of a truly world class player like Van Persie to get them through games that they otherwise would not win.

Best XI: (4-2-3-1) Szczesny; Sagna, Koscielny, Mertesacker, Monreal; Arteta, Wilshere; Walcott, Rosicky, Cazorla; Giroud.

Aston Villa

Last season: Premier League: 15th F.A. Cup: 4th rnd League Cup: semi final
IN: Aleksandar Tonev (£2.5m, Lech Poznan), Jores Okore (£4m, Nordsjaelland), Leandro Bacuna (undisclosed, FC Groningen), Nicklas Helenius (undisclosed, Aalborg), Antonio Luna (undisclosed, Sevilla), Jed Steer (tribunal, Norwich).
OUT: Jean Makoun (released), Eric Lichaj (Nottingham Forest, free), Richard Dunne (free, QPR), Darren Bent (Fulham, loan), Nathan Delfouneso (Blackpool, loan).

Paul Lambert took a big risk leaving Norwich in 2012, giving up his guaranteed job for a potential poisoned chalice in a Villa side that had finished in 16th under Alex McLeish. It seemed as if he had made a terrible mistake with Villa hovering over the drop zone at Christmas time, being defeated 8-0 by Chelsea on one terrible day. Lambert's faith in young players was ridiculed as a defence without Dunne or injured Ron Vlaar began to leak goals.

But Lambert had faith and results began to turn around. The embarrassing two legged defeat to League Two outfit Bradford signalled the nadir; But then there were shoots of recovery as Villa's young squad began to demonstrate their talent. A fluid front three of Gabriel Agbonlahor, Andreas Weimann and the wonderful Christian Benteke scored goals for fun during the spring.

Towards the back end of last season Lambert’s side improved and Benteke was unplayable. This season, should they pick up where they left off, they can hope for more than a relegation scrap. Lambert has been shrewd in the market too- this is no longer the same Villa as a few years ago, when millions would be wasted by Martin O'Neill on average players like Curtis Davies and Nigel Reo-Coker. Randy Lerner understandably is unwilling to be so loose with the purse strings again so now the most extravagant buy is likely to be Jores Okore, a talented Danish international bought for £4 million. Much of the summer's potential drama was resolved quickly with an improved contract for Benteke. But the 19 goal Belgium striker is not the only success story from last year, with both Matt Lowton and Ashley Westwood improving hugely over the course of the season.

There is still a question over whether Lambert would have been better off with the senior players from the off. Lambert seemed to be reluctant to use Darren Bent, Charles N'Zogbia and Stephen Ireland and results suffered. How will the young players react now? Villa do look to have enough goals in them to be out of the relegation dogfight, but will not trouble the top 10. The Holte End will hope for another cup run.

Key Player: Benteke. Keeping hold of the £30 million rated striker was vital for Aston Villa's immediate future. He may think himself above Aston Villa but the team is built for him and he will be chasing that centre forward spot for Belgium's 2014 World Cup XI.

Strengths: The three attackers Agbonlahor, Weimann and Benteke are full of pace, power, guile and goals. Westwood and Delph are great users off the ball and Guzan is one of the best keepers in the division. Lowton and new boy Luna provide attacking threat from full back.

Weaknesses: The defence leaks goals, with Baker and Bennett just not good enough yet. Still not enough experience in the side. Don't have a good midfield enforcer, and are incredibly reliant on Benteke for goals and inspiration.

Best XI: (4-3-3) Guzan; Lowton, Okore, Vlaar, Luna; Westwood, Delph, Banann; Agbonlahor, Benteke, Weimann.

Cardiff

Last season: Championship: 1st F.A. Cup: 3rd rnd League Cup: 1st rnd
IN: Andreas Cornelius (£7.5m, FC Copenhagen), John Brayford (£2m, Derby), Simon Moore (undisclosed, Brentford), Steven Caulker (£8m, Tottenham), Gary Medel (£11.2m, Sevilla).
OUT: Stephen McPhail, Heidar Helguson, Nat Jarvis (all released), Elliot Parish (free, Bristol City).

Finally, they did it. After years of play-off failure Cardiff finally joined their deadly rivals Swansea in the Premier League, and they did it in style as champions. Malky Mackay must take a huge slice of the credit as under his management Cardiff have been in a League Cup final (only losing on penalties) and then promoted in successive seasons. His motivational skills and tactical nous will see him move on from Cardiff soon, but for now he will be looking to survive in the top flight at the first attempt, backed well by the clubs Malaysian owners.

The fans are not happy with the red kit but many have been forced to keep quiet as Cardiff, bankrolled by the money, played some scintillating stuff on their way to promotion. The summer has seen Vincent Tan back Mackay further with some lavish spending. In a bid to address a lack of goals- no player scored more than 8 league goals last term- the Scot spent £7.5 million on Danish striker Andreas Cornelius, a man with just one top flight season under his belt. Better use of cash was to follow though, with the superb buy of  England international Steven Caulker. How they convinced him to come to Wales is a mystery, but he is a top player and will no doubt stand out in a team that already boasts quality defenders.

Further cash was spent on Gary Medel, Seville's defensive midfielder. Cardiff's record signing will certainly give them a touch of class but the Chilean is prone to going batsh*t mental to a red card or three so questions marks must be raised about the wisdom of paying more than £11 million for him. But he is exactly the player that Cardiff need, as last season they were spoilt for choice in terms of more positive midfielders and widemen, with Craig Noone, Kim Bo-Kyung, Aron Gunnarsson, Peter Whittingham, Jordan Mutch and Cardiff's most high profile player, Craig Bellamy, all playing a significant role in promotion.

Key Player: Mark Hudson. A true leader at the heart of the defence, and is easily capable of making the step up to the top flight. Comfortable on the ball, extremely strong in the air, and an excellent communicator, he will relish taking on the likes of Van Persie and Aguero this season.

Strengths: Their defence. Cardiff kept 18 clean sheets in the Championship last season and have a host of players who look good too make the step up. Hudson, new signing Brayford, ex- Middlesbrough man Andrew Taylor and Matthew Connolly all look ready. The aforementioned host of attacking midfielders will make Cardiff a threat from range and will see them create chances.

Weaknesses: Converting Chances. Goals were shared around last season but no one got more than 8. Bellamy may still have his pace and trickery but he only netted four last season. Cornelius is talented but to get the best out of him Cardiff may have to play long ball which they are unaccustomed to. The hope is that Frazier Campbell will be the main goal scorer, after an impressive seven goals in just 12 games after arriving in January from Sunderland, but he has injury problems. Lacked a holding player too last season, but Medel may sort that out.

Best XI: (4-5-1) Marshall; Brayford, Hudson, Caulker, Taylor; Noone, Kim, Medel, Whittingham, Bellamy; Campbell.

Thanks for reading, Adam.