Man Utd vs West Brom & Everton

Manchester United 0-0 West Bromwich Albion

There were mitigating circumstances here. The international break and wear and tear from our very long season had limited variety in team selection. WBA have been hard to break down all season and had just beaten Arsenal. But still, fuck off. Thankfully I had a party later this evening so I didn’t have to dwell on one of our worst performances of the season. I’m almost glad that my dodgy stream kept cutting out as it gave me some respite from some of the most insipid shite imaginable.

Ok maybe I’m over egging a bit. But ANOTHER home draw against a team who shouldn’t be able to compete with us. Mourinho was flabbergasted that Conor Macnamara had suggested that the two teams had cancelled each other out, and while he was right that only one team was trying, had all the possession, and one team ventured out their half about 5 times during the game… it was very much sterile domination. The worst of LVG. In most of the other home draws it was amazing that we didn’t score, but not this time. We were shit. Or did WBA defend well? Does it even matter, as our top 4 hopes were extinguished?

The depressing tale of the tape of the points dropped at home this year

The team pretty much picked itself. Zlatan and Herrera were banned, Schweinsteiger had finally left for Chicago Fire, Pogba was still not fit, and the international break had accounted for Jones and Smalling (which at least meant not more 5/6 at the back) and most crushingly, Mata out for the foreseeable future after groin surgery. This after he wasn’t named in the Spain squad, so instead of having a fresh player for challenges ahead, we were missing one of our best creators.

The whole team looked sluggish, just waiting for something to happen, and it almost did near the end as Marcus Rashford almost won the match. First a fiercely struck shot from 35 yards out was brilliantly saved by Foster (One of three ex reds to have a good game as well as Fletcher and Evans) before a free kick from a similar range was heading for the top corner before Foster’s intervention. But that was about it (At least we now know young Rash can take free kicks). The forwards deserved the criticism dished out by Mourinho post-match, and it’s becoming clearer how reliant we are on Pogba and Zlatan to create and finish. 75% possession, 18 shots, but only 3 on target. The farcical nature of the game was summed up when in the last minute Rooney and Fellaini got involved in handbags with Yacob instead of trying to score.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 6, Valencia 6.5, Bailly 6, Rojo 6.5, Young 6, Carrick 7, Fellaini 7; Lingard 7, Mkhitaryan 5.5 (Rooney 74, 5), Martial 5.5, Rashford 7.

 

Manchester United 1-1 Everton (Ibrahimovic 90+4 pen) (Jagielka 22)

Fucking again.

What actually is the point of discussing this game, I wonder? For it was just the same as all the other home draws this season. At what point do we say that Mourinho is doing a substandard job, seemingly unable to win matches at Old Trafford? United fans have seen that game about 10 times this season. I’m tired of the profligacy, tired of the excuses, tired of the slow build up until we fall behind or subs come on.

3 changes were made from the boring 0-0 vs West Brom. In came Blind for Valencia (who we really missed) and Zlatan and Herrera made a welcome return from suspension for Mkhitaryan and Martial. We started alright against a good team, remember, one that would leapfrog us in the table if they won. But having lost the Merseyside derby on Saturday as well as missing about 5 of their key players (Coleman, Funes Mori, McCarthy, Bolasie, Schneiderlin), surely we could assert ourselves a bit more in the first half, in particular, and why did Jose feel that we needed to play 3 midfielders when we can’t score goals as it is? Rashford looked sharp up against the broken Coleman’s understudy Mason Holgate, but the half soon petered out a little as our midfield and ponderous back 4 exchanged passes across the halfway line for minutes at a time. We did create chances- Zlatan didn’t shoot quickly enough when played in, Youngy, making a very rare forward run, ran onto a Herrera pass before whipping a cross across the box that was missed – but not enough.

We went behind, typically from Everton’s first attack. Blind switched off allowing Mirallas to win a corner off De Gea. Jagielka converted from point blank range through De Gea’s legs after weak defending from Rojo. For fucks sake.

Meanwhile Joel Robles, who was chucking them in vs Liverpool, briefly turned into Gordon Banks when brilliantly saving from a Blind free kick – from which Herrera hit the bar from a tight angle- before tipping a left footed Herrera long ranger wide.

A friend I was watching the game with logically thought our chances created would lead to goals and predicted a 3-1 final score. Having watched this shit all year, I knew better and predicted 0-1 (ok, I need to be a little more optimistic).

The return of Pogba for Blind at the interval led to a big improvement. The £89m man instantaneously headed against the bar from a Young free kick pushing up his woodwork total to fucking umpteen. Everton started to get dirtier, cynically fouling… but it’s up to us, c’mon….

After all the crap that he said this week (About Shaw’s poor mentality and fitness: "I cannot compare the way he trains and commits, the focus, the ambition. He is a long way behind [Blind, Darmian, and Young]") it was in a way typical Mourinho that he brought on Shaw for his first game since Bournemouth in a tough situation. Although it was pleasing to see the kid back, could Martial really not have been used instead? This season, Lingard and Mkhitaryan have both been used at left back when chasing the game, and it was a mystery to me when 1-0 down at home Jose felt able to do without Martial, who seemed to me to be an essential sub. Especially as again there was a load of chickenshit hesitation from us as usual when we got into the final third. The pattern of play needs serious work, as too often we rely on individual brilliance or a long ball game for goals.

Regardless Shaw played quite well, his crossing ability tying in neatly with the two pronged attack of Fellaini and Zlatan. Havoc was created in the area, but chances were still wasted; Fellaini hitting wide on the swivel, Williams putting in blocks, and then two identical headers over from ten yards out. Pogba with a world class ball to Rojo, Rashford to Zlatan, same result. A similar type of move did lead to a goal, but Zlatan was flagged offside when heading in. Replays suggested he was on, but with the luck we’ve had this season we couldn’t complain. It almost got worse as we attacked, but thankfully a combination of Barkley/Lukaku wastefulness and brilliant recovery defending from Eric Bailly (who was tremendous) meant it remained 1-0.

In the 93^rd, a shanked effort from Shaw (Shaw’s shanked redemption) was saved by Ashley Williams, handing the MOTM a red card, and Zlatan tucked in his 16^th league goal of the season. So a 1-1 draw, we obviously should have won, and there were a small amount of boos at full time. Jose responded by going for Shaw again, saying that it was Shaw’s body but his brain, and he had no football intelligence. Jesus he’s getting tiresome.
I know it was a penalty, but it still was another 90 minutes where despite all the chances, no one else but Zlatan scored. Even if it wasn’t a good display from him, his pedigree ensures his importance, and that’s true even more so for Pogba, a classic case of not-knowing-what-you’ve-had-till-it’s-gone-kind-of-thing. Not for me, that is. Just the cavalcade of morons who somehow think Zlatan and Pogba are problems (!!!) in a side where Ashley Young receives regular game time.

For the third consecutive home game, top 4 is officially gone. Or so I thought. True enough, for the 3^rd consecutive game week we were let off, as on Wednesday Liverpool drew against Bournemouth and City lost at Chelsea (Last 3 games for City btw: 1-1 Liverpool (Aguero) 2-2 @ Arsenal (Sane, Aguero) 1-2 Chelsea (Aguero). 1) How clutch is Aguero. 2) That’s 3 excellent results for us that we haven’t capitalised on. 3) Not many difficult games for City now) A win for Arsenal put us back in our spiritual home of 6^th, but somehow we’re still in it. But with Spurs, Arsenal and City away to come, plus Chelsea at home, two points from WBA and Everton is a proper disgrace. It’s all Europa now…

United (4-3-3) De Gea 6; Young 5 (Shaw 65, 7), Bailly 8, Rojo 6, Blind 5 (Pogba 46, 7); Herrera 6, Carrick 6.5 (Mkhitaryan 65, 6), Fellaini 6; Lingard 6.5, Ibrahmovic 6.5, Rashford 6.5.

Leicester 0-3 Manchester United

Leicester 0-3 Manchester United (Mkhitaryan 42, Ibrahimovic 44, Mata 49)

“The last time I was sat in this chair, the next day I was sacked!”

Jose was in a good mood at the post match press conference, and why not? The United manager had just seen his team stroll to possibly their easiest league win of the season at the home of the champions, who were truly abysmal. Not only this, he’d seen his demand for the other attacking players to ease the goal scoring burden on Zlatan Ibrahimovic answered by goals and brilliant performances from Juan Mata and the wonderful Henrikh Mkhitaryan. It was a world away from the frustration felt after the 0-0 draw vs Hull on Wednesday.

Another reason for the elation was the results elsewhere. Chelsea had beaten Arsenal 3-1, (deliciously, the third coming from Fabregas after a Cech error), and Liverpool continued their hilarious form by losing to the ever more impressive Hull. Top 4 is now not only back on, but almost expected…..? Maybe. We’ll see how the retuning Europa affects us.

The table at the end of a good weekend

 

The intent was shown when the team was announced, with Carrick dropped after a poor half against Hull, and Mata restored to the side. Rooney was missing through illness, and Jones replaced by Smalling after the injury picked up on Wednesday. There was a few grumbles about the lack of Martial (again!), but the attacking players all did well.

Creating opportunities hasn’t really been a problem this term, but our profligacy has, so it was immensely pleasing to see the ruthlessness on display, with three goals in the space of 10 minutes either side of half time sealing the comfortable win. The first 20 minutes didn’t suggest any of this though, with ponderous passing and aggressive tackling from both sides making this seem like ‘one of those’ games. United started with a 4-4-2 with Rashford down the middle, but Mourinho soon changed it back to the more familiar 4-2-3-1 with Mkhitaryan central, where he could do his best work. Mata was a perhaps a tad lucky to get away with a yellow for a late slide tackle on Vardy, but afterwards we settled down and took control. Herrera bounced back from a shocking first half hour to set the tempo with Pogba. 

It was Mkhitaryan who was the real match winner though, with a sensational performance exemplifying why he was signed. So inventive, creative, the ability to commit defenders and most importantly direct running. His goal was similar to his Tottenham one, the flick past Huth before accelerating, and no one was catching him. Almost straight away we turned the screw, an overdue assist for Valencia given the positions he gets into, and yet another for Zlatan –at 35 years and 125 days, the Swedish legend is the oldest player to reach 15 league goals in a season.

LOL @ Morgan's face

Our midfield Armenian was at it again with one-twos with Ibrahimovic and Mata for the third, stroked in from the Spaniard in a similar manner to his winner at Carrow Road last year. He’s responded well from his poor form over Christmas, and as a goal threat, is second only to Ibrahimovic at the moment.

I felt sorry for Leicester’s recent midfield signing Ndidi, who showed impressive tenacity and passing range, as the rest of the side were almost embarrassing. Mahrez and Vardy’s displays, and the contrast from last season, fully deserved the hostility they got at full time.

The Special Juan rounding off the game

The final 20 minutes were pretty dull as United, in full control, decided to rest for battles ahead rather than go for more goals and a bigger goal difference. I mean, even Youngy got some minutes. There were chances to get at least two more and catch up on the others (Mata had a one on one), and Martial could’ve been brought on to really give them both barrels, but after such a good away win, complaining like that would be unfair. It’s been a while since we scored 3 in the league, a great weekend for us, with top games from Mkhitaryan, Smalling, Mata and Zlatan.

Onwards to Watford.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea 7; Valencia 7, Bailly 6.5, Smalling 8, Rojo 6 (Blind 46, 7); Herrera 6, Pogba 6.5; Mata 8 (Fellaini 77, 6), Mkhitaryan 9, Rashford 7 (Young 83); Ibrahimovic 8.

Zorya Luhansk 0-2 Manchester United

Zorya Luhansk 0-2 Manchester United

We’re through. So, job done. This Europa League group campaign has confirmed my contempt for the early stages of this competition, but after finishing second in our pool to Fenerbahce, we can’t claim that we’re too big a club for UEFA’s second competition.

In a way it was fitting that such a weird group stage – two of our best performances of the season at home to Fener and Feyenoord, two of the worst away to those teams – ended in such a dull game. Honestly, it was like a pre-season game out there. Mind, it wasn’t helped by the rock hard surface, with temperatures of at times -7 degrees contributing to the poor play. The crowd in Odessa could be forgiven for falling asleep. A classic, it wasn’t.

The supporters were in good spirits though, because quite frankly it didn’t matter that the game was total crap. The fact that Zorya, a tiny club who were languishing in the third tier of Ukrainian football as recently as 2003, were hosting United was a huge moment for the club. It was done to death by the commentators but it needs repeating: This ‘home’ fixture was being played 600 miles from the city of Luhansk, with Eastern Ukraine still deep in conflict. So for the club exiled in sleepy Zaporizhia (the stadium there is not up to UEFA’s standards) a game against Pogba, Ibrahimovic and Rooney was a landmark, a real moment of triumph.

Spending time on matters such as this avoids mentioning the football, which was dreadful. Mourinho played the ‘A’ team (although Carrick, Valencia and Darmian were left at home) but the 1^st half passed by with us having the ball and doing nothing with it. Romero made a decent save at some point, shortly before a flare landed near him. Thankfully, the deadlock was broken soon after the break with a superb individual goal from Mkhitaryan, his first in a red shirt. A delicious nutmeg, calm finish. Zorya were pretty poor so there was never a chance of an equaliser, and it was duly wrapped up when Pogba played in Zlatan who finished simply. That made it 7 goals in 6 games in all competitions for the big Swede. At 35. Jeez he’s brilliant. Eric Bailly made his comeback and looked good, late clash of heads notwithstanding. Fosu Mensah had a decent cameo. And that’s it. Onto Spurs, when I’ll actually be there….

Community Shield - Manchester United 2-1 Leicester

Manchester United 2 (Lingard 32, Ibrahimovic 83) Leicester 1 (Vardy 52)

So, Jose Mourinho and Manchester United. Has a good ring to it, doesn’t it?

It’s always in my opinion a good thing to be in the Community Shield, (forever dubbed the traditional curtain-raiser for reasons yet to be discovered) acting as a friendly of the highest possible intensity against one of the best teams in the division. In these post Ferguson times, being in it meant something else – we had won a trophy! Cheers LVG.

Of course, the opponents being Leicester brought into sharp focus how we had underperformed recently, exactly why we were starting 2016/17 with a new boss. Jose Mourinho, no less. But the miracle of Leicester is still a wonderful story, and it would be intriguing to see how we would perform against a side who we drew twice with last year in incident packed games (The Vardy record, and then Fellaini and Huth’s bans).

Winning the shield wouldn't guarantee anything, (Moyes won it after all) but after a bunch of useless games halfway around the world, we would see in a semi-competitive environment how we were shaping up ahead of the long season. 

So back at Wembley, over 80,000 fans, time for United to show their teeth…. Sort of. It was a pretty poor game, and the opening exchanges were reminiscent of the early 2000’s Shields when it was quite evident that Fergie didn’t care. But the opening goal was superb, a brilliant mazy run past 3 players from Jesse Lingard, scoring his second amazing goal at Wembley for United in as many appearances. Lingard celebrated with an awful ‘dance’ but no matter. A great goal from a player deemed to be under pressure in the new regime against the champions? Quality.

Even worse celebration than the dab. Fix up Jesse

Fellaini, who will be presumably be very important in the early days of Mourinho’s United, decided it was all going a bit well and terribly under hit a back pass to play in Jamie Vardy who made it 1-1. We were under the cosh for a while, but new signing from Spain Eric Bailly was resolute at the back. Early days, but impressive. The most concerning thing was a unnecessary challenge from Huth on Lingard which saw him limp off. Fuck.

Lots of subs were made by both teams as the game –played in stifling heat for early August in the capital- seemed to be meandering towards a penalty shoot-out. The game had largely passed Zlatan Ibrahimovic by, the giant Swede not looking 100% match fit and his delicate touches and flicks not being read by his teammates. But as the press sharpened their knives, the man came good with a genuine world class moment. Valencia, probably United’s biggest threat all afternoon, beat his man and floated a cross to the far post, and Zlatan powered a header into the net, out jumping Morgan in the process. Magic. Leicester had probably lost about 9 headers or some shit in the entire season just gone, and here was Ibrahimovic showing what a world class striker can do. Brilliant.

There was still time for Mourinho to anger everyone when taking off Mata in the last minute after bringing him on before, under the flimsy argument that his new signing Henrik Mkhi-whatever could provide better defense from the expected barrage of long balls into the area in the dying seconds. I mean, he’s an inch or two taller but delicate no.10’s don’t tend to be the best at seeing out games. To be honest I don't care if Jose was just being a knob to Mata or just making it all about him, we won, and had a trophy (of sorts) and that’s what counts.

United (4-2-3-1) De Gea; Valencia, Bailly, Blind, Shaw (Rojo 69); Carrick (Herrera 61), Fellaini; Lingard (Mata 63 [Mkhi 89]), Rooney (Schneiderlin 88), Martial (Rashford 70); Ibrahimovic.

 

Love a trophy lift

The boy Rash holding the Shield

 

Wednesday 22 April, Notts v Yorkshire.

Wednesday 22 April, Notts v Yorkshire.

Despite being a keen fan of cricket, I'd never before been to a county game. Living as I do now, down the road from Trent Bridge, it would be a missed opportunity to not go and see Nottinghamshire. With their next home county championship game not till May 17th (deep into my exam time) it was an easy enough decision to see the 4th day of this match. Some background- This was the second championship fixture for Notts, after a draw at Middlesex in the season opener last week. There was considerable anger from Yorkshire at England taking many of their key players on their tour of the West Indies, which left them feeling robbed after four of them only carried the drinks. (Rashid, Lyth, Plunkett, Bairstow; Gary Ballance and Joe Root, however, played the Test match.) On the first day of the match on Sunday 19th, Alex Hales hit a double ton, James Taylor scored 59, Hales got out on the 2nd morning for 236, leaving Notts with a total of 428. Yorkshire then batted well- Alex Lees 100, Pujara 57. On the third day Jack Leaning scored a maiden first class century (116) as they got 441, a lead of 13. Notts ended the third day 74/3, Taylor batting with nightwatchman Gidman.

Former England bowler Tim Bresnan opened proceedings with Jack Brooks. Bresnan was kept on for a long spell, kept runs down and was very accurate. During this spell, you caught a little glimpse as to why he was a regular member of the squad in England's very successful period under Strauss and Andy Flower. Brooks at the other end, however, was erratic. Yorks skipper Andrew Gale took him off and first change Steven Patterson was quicker and got the first wicket of the day when Gidman edged to slip for 13. He had looked uncertain from the start. Patel came to the crease and it was great watching two of the funniest physical players in English cricket bat together, and bat well. Taylor, of the short stature (5"4) and Patel, someone who could be described as on the heavier side. Both have England Test caps, while Patel's time has probably been and gone, Taylor is someone who I think has been very unlucky in the years following his debut in 2012.

His championship form has been thoroughly excellent since then but often inferior players technique wise have been given a Test top six spot ahead of him, like Jonny Bairstow, and England have grown into a habit of putting all-rounders in the top six fairly recently. While both Ben Stokes and Moeen Ali have big parts to play in the future, given our batting woes in the Ashes whitewash and the less than wonderful performances in the 2014 summer, I hope it won't be long before Taylor gets an extended run in the team.

But I digress, back to the match. Taylor's defence was great and he can scored all round the wicket, and looked in superb touch, hitting a great straight drive for 4 off  a rare poor delivery from Bresnan.  Patel, known for his powerful hitting, also looked good. Both made decent progress as the Yorkshire attack was pretty blunt when Bresnan wasn't bowling. Gale looked to William Rhodes, a part time bowler, but he got plenty of bounce off the pitch and was sending it down fast. I thought he was the pick of the bowlers all day, out performing those with far more impressive records. He bowled short of a length regularly and Taylor gave his wicket away after all his hard work with a hook to fine leg for 35. A little bit of part time spin from Jack Leaning to give the pace battery a rest led to the shot of the morning from Patel, a beautiful cover drive. The young medium fast bowler Matthew Fisher, just 17, ended the session with some very average deliveries to the new batsman Riki Wessels.

Lunch came and went and I obviously need to work on my cricket journalism as I missed the first couple of overs but thankfully just missed one run and not a huge shift in the match. Meanwhile,  Brooks and Patterson opened, but the story was all about Patel, who really upped the pace, reaching his 50 off 75 balls with 7 4s. It featured a wonderful cut off Patterson for a boundary. Wessels, not to be outdone, then late cut Bresnan for 4 twice in four balls meaning that Bresnan was very expensive in his first few overs after lunch, and with the run rate going up, it was still possible a declaration could be taken and Notts could try and see if Yorkshire could be bowled out going for a win. However, this attacking style led to wickets, with a run out shout when Patel went for a quick single to mid on very unlucky not to be given, and then after Rhodes was brought back, he once more made the breakthrough. The first ball of his spell was smacked through cover point for 4 from Patel, but from very next ball the one-time England man was caught behind driving for a brilliant 76 off 114 balls, with 11 4s. A much needed wicket, to just about keep the game alive for Yorkshire.

Gale shuffled his bowling around again to try and unsettle the new batsman at the crease, Notts captain Chris Read. He was very defensive and uncertain at the start, edging just over first slip for four. At the other end, Wessels slog swept Leaning for a maximum over long on and was going extremely well, having no trouble against the spinner, but then stupidly went for a huge shot to a decent ball and edged behind to leave him 43 off 71 and again the game was given a chance. The score at this point was 245-7, if Yorkshire could clean up they would fancy their chances.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. The South African Vernon Philander then came out, a proper international star. He almost got out first ball, though, but his edge fell short of first slip after a very good arm ball from Leaning. Yorks then took the new ball in an attempt to get the last 3 wickets quickly, but it just handed the initiative to Notts, with the new cherry flying off the bat to the boundary a heck of a lot. Brooks and Bresnan bowled the first 5 overs of it economically, then off the 86th over Bresnan went for 12, thanks to three consecutive boundaries off Read. I thought Read should've declared at that point with a 257 lead and 35 overs left to try and engineer a result but he didnt and the run making continued. Leaning then took over but went for 9. the runs were flowing, just fu*king declare please... Gale looked to Lees for even more part time spin, as tea arrived.

With the game drifting away thanks to Read and Philanders' commendable batsmanship, I began to think of possible reasons for not declaring- perhaps that a team with a batting line up like Yorkshire were never going to be bowled out in 30odd overs, or more likely, because Read thought a ton was for the taking. It certainly seemed that way, as he got his 50 off 80 balls, before really opening up, lifting a straight drive for a 6, then a pull for four off Leaning who I was amazed was still bowling. The pitch was clearly conducive to spin but he proved throughout his 14 overs on the day he's nowhere near good enough. Of course, it could be argued Gale realised it was a lost cause and was saving his top bowlers... it seemed so and Read and Philander were happy with that. Read reverse swept him for four, much to the amusement of the crowd. We had the bizarre sight of Yorkshire putting five men on the boundary despite the opposition being seven down.  Soon enough the 100 partnership came up for the 8th wicket off 147 balls, and the very next ball after the announcement Philander hit poor old Leaning into the Radcliffe Road End to move onto 37. The fast bowler had shared a lot of the strike in the late overs, meaning that when the two teams shook hands for a draw Read was left on 83 not out. Notts closed on 354/7, and it was a draw.

At the start of the day any cricket fan could have predicted that outcome, but nonetheless it was a thoroughly enjoyable day as a spectator. I didn't come away with any great feelings about either team, but rather the game itself. There is something idyllic about English county cricket in the early summer, it's a different world completely to the screaming celebrity endorsed razzmatazz of the IPL, for instance. And yet, the little things that make county cricket wonderful were all in evidence- the presence of the members, always turning up in rain or shine, the lovely murmur round the ground after another great strike by their skipper Read, and the odd hilarious comment, like the one from the elderly man sitting behind me who remarked that the England Test team was full of "Back-door bandits" and "toff wankers". The Ashes it ain't, but county championship cricket definitely still has a place.